Behind Tough Exterior
by Severus'forbiddenlove
Summary: Severus Snape has survived the war but has not faired well, his past comes to haunt him in more ways than one. Can he deal with the new arrival of things left old or will he finally break the mask that has consumed his face for two decades? Rating is now offically at a HIGH M for violence, language and sexual content. Younger readers beware. Warnings will be given as needed.
1. The Unexpected

Chapter One: The Unexpected

It was quiet over all, the air died down to a slight whisper across the ground. The trees shivered to nothing giving the eerie place even more spook than usual, the graveyards of the dead in Godric's Hollow were especially haunting.

It had been years since I had visited this place and the particular grave I now stood before, my black hair glistened within the full moon's light as I looked down at the grave. A gentle but chilled breeze bit at my exposed skin in the dead of the winters night, my heavily wooled robes lifted slightly then hugged around my body once more.

Two decades have now gone and passed since my tragic mistake and her death. I looked down my nose at the grave that was next to hers, it was the pathetic _potter_ she chose over me and I had yet to forgive myself for letting her slip away.

 _You were a fool for calling her a mudblood._ My thoughts snapped at me in the same voice that I used daily upon my students, cold and calculative.

 _I know thank you very much!_ My other half snapped back.

I sighed to myself, I was indeed in my most vulnerable state right now staring down at the grave. I choked back a lump that had formed within my throat and tears had threatened the brims of my eyes, I shook my head to get rid of the bubbling feelings within my gut but it was no use. A single tear escaped my eye as my body started to lower toward the ground, my knees collided with the soft ground beneath me sending a surge of pain radiating from my knees to my hips. I lowered my head as I thought of that fateful night, I wanted to rip myself apart in that very moment. I wanted to die, I should have died.

My thoughts soon hummed out into quiet sobs as I placed my hands upon the grave marker, my head thudding with the head stone. I didn't care how much pain I caused myself in this very moment, I deserved it, I deserved every bit and more. I lifted my head only to bring it back down upon the grey concrete once more but harder this time, my head throbbed slightly at the point of impact.

Who would have thought that I; Severus Snape, would ever willingly show the side of myself that I had hidden so well beneath the mask of deceit which I created in my early twenties. I had only one time before shown this side and that was the night of Lily's death, I had fallen to unmendable pieces within Dumbledore's office and he did nothing but rub it in my face that I had failed. I had failed and miserably at that, I lowered my head in shame and rested my head upon the lower part of the grave.

The wind whispered around me and I held a loud sob back, the wind hugged around my body as if someone was holding me. I shook harder as I envisioned Lily holding me, her wide smile filling me with hope when we were younger. No one knew of these trips I took seldomly to try and ease my concious but it never seemed to work the way I hoped it would but I still come back every time, it was an honor that I just couldn't seem to break.

The wind and air around me seemed to drop significantly in temperature and my body shivered in reaction, I sniffed and dried my eyes of the fallen tears. It had been too long since I had last visited but the war and dealing with _potter's son_ was more than enough to unfortunately keep me busy, the year I was suppose to visit had me following the twit into the Forbidden forest and dealing with a toad of a woman.

Leaves crunched somewhere behind me but I ignored it as a passing animal, I was completely ignorant to the fact that someone was watching me, waiting for me to lift my head and look in their direction. Until the words cut like daggers into my already aching heart did I lift myself from the ground but did not turn around fearing what I might find,

"I thought I might find you here _...professor..."_

Her words drifted elegantly across the flowing breeze, my heart stopped and my blood froze. My breath hitched in my chest as I slowly turned my head in the direction of the voices location, I slowly lifted myself from the ground and twisting it so that my back was to the grave.

There she stood, her firery red hair intensified by the moons light, her crimson red eyes burning into mine. She stood nearly as tall as I did and was as beautiful as I remembered, her body still impressively thin but held shape. She had matured since I had last seen her, her slight of a smile directed toward me. I let my hitched breath out slowly and a small woah came along with it, not only had she caught me off guard but also in my vulnerable state and I felt nerve racked for a brief second before composing myself by standing straight at my fullest height. I opened my mouth but found that my throat had become very dry and my voice had alluded me which was very rare to begin with, my equalibrium mentally had been throw completely off with her appearance. She, however, simple and sweetly smiled at me while slightly craning her head to see what I stood in front of.

"It's nice to see you again...Severus. It has been far too long."

I blinked still not finding the old me, the mask I desperately needed right now. She had some how made me utterly powerless when I did not need to or want to be, that in itself triggered it. My face straightened, my lips thinned into a slight snare as I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Yes, Ms. Saverum, it has been far too long. This is not the place to have a cordial meeting of our calibur, maybe another place and another time."

My voice felt like ice coming from within my throat, my mind protested against my behavior toward her. _You idiot, years of not seeing her and you go and be impudent toward her._

 _Quiet! No one asked you._ My mind had snapped back at the masked side.

She looked taken aback for a brief moment before she put a smile back upon her face and looking directly into my eyes as if searching for someone she had lost years ago,

"Yes, well you may be right Severus but I felt your... _presence_. I had to see if it was really you or just my mind playing old tricks upon me again."

That statement alone made me cringe, _had she really been thinking about me all this time?_

 _Yes you dunderhead. You're a fool for thinking she hasn't._

 _Shut up already._ I snapped back at myself, I really didn't need or want the irritating thoughts to point out what I should have already known.

A silence grew between us and I could feel her intense gaze upon me, the smile she had previously worn was no where to be found. A part of me missed it already.

"Why did you come here?" I asked already knowing the answer. She tilted her head slightly and stepped a bit closer but still left comfortable space between us,

"As I said, I had to know if it was you."

That wasn't good enough, I knew she was hiding something but couldn't bring myself to pry into her mind. I settled for her avoiding answer with a low sigh that came out frustrated, I noted to myself that I hadn't tried for my wand the entire time we stood there. She walked even closer to me not caring that I had stiffened in reaction, my mind was telling me to leave but my body was telling me other wise. An affliction began to war within me as she pressed closer, her features becoming sharper. God she had grown into a beautiful woman.

 _Stop denying it._ My other half whispered to me. It was right, I couldn't deny that she had become very attractive.

 _Lecherous old man, she doesn't want you. Your just another who could abandon her at any moment._

The voice was right, I was just going to leave her now because I couldn't stand to be in front of her, not after what I had done to her.


	2. Lingering

A/N: The chapter is finally finished and a new one is soon to come.

A special thanks to M1sc1ef Managed for helping me with my confidence to post and being the first one to read it.

Diclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas of this story, not the characters Severus Snape nor the story belonging to Harry Potter series in which I reference. I am merely borrowing the ideas to create my story.

* * *

I awoke drenched in sweat, my blankets exposing my bare chest. My body shivered to the unexpected coldness the sweat had left in its wake, I steady myself upon my arms that were stretched behind me. I closed my eyes trying to recall what I had just seen within my dreams, or if it was even a dream at all...

 _Of course it was a dream you idiot._

There was that damned accursed thought process again, I shook my head just light enough to realise that a headache was beginning to form around my temples. I lifted my right arm leaning all of my weight onto my left and rubbed the side of my head, I had not had a vivid dream like that in some time. It rattled my conciousness to try and figure out why here and now I was dreaming of someone I had not seen in nearly twelve years, someone who I presumed would be lost to time along with all those who had crossed my path.

It was dark outside as I peered through the window from my bed, I conjured a time charm and sighed angerly as it was only two o'clock in the morning. Of course this would happen on one of the rare nights that I might have actually been able to have a full nights rest, but alas, I was proven wrong again in thinking that I might actually get that. I pulled the sheets from my cold body and conjured a pair of silk black boxers, I loved the feeling of them on my sensitive skin but of course no one in the world would ever know that. No one would ever want to get that close to me to figure that out, it was sad really. But then again, I rather enjoyed the solitude that I had grown accustomed to, it was peaceful.

I crossed the threshold to my bathroom flipping on the light with a wave of my hand as I passed the entry way, oddly may it be but there were certain things I enjoyed or couldn't break the habit of and muggle switches were one. It was magically glued to the wall but still worked manually like any other switch on the planet, it brough a weird sense of normality to me whenever I looked at it or used it. I looked into the mirror and my reflection hated me, blackish puffs had formed beneath my eyes as my hair stuck out in every direction possible. My skin had grown usually paler than normal as I lifted my fingers toward my face and tugged on my cheek feeling rather disgusted with myself, I was a down right mess. _What had that girl done to me._

It was a statement but the voice in my head took it upon itself to answer despite the annoyance I held for it, _You know exactly what she did, you just won't admit it will you?_

 _No._

 _Oh come on, for once in your pathetic life, admit what that dream was actually about._

 _No._ I repeated that same word over and over again in my head as my internal conflict brew deep within my chest, I was exhausted by the end of it but I had successfully shut that irritating little voice up. I turned on the faucet and held my hands beneath it, warm liquid ran gently between my cold fingers sending a tremor down my spin. I shook it off as I raised a hand full of water to my face and splashed it upon my face, I sighed and shivered as the water instantly turned cold that was still clinging to the stubbles on my chin and just above my jaw line. I ran a hand across the fuzz that was hardly noticeable but decided that once I got back up again that I would shave, I did not need a five o'clock shadow when teaching the little brats, they had enough to make fun of. My black eyes stared back at me through the mirror, long deep tunnels of emptiness to match what I felt inside. I lowered my head and gaze to the deep emerald green sink that my hands were clasped upon, my fingers steadily growing whiter as my grip increased.

 _She is close by._

That was all the that was said and it echoed repeatedly within in my mind, a trickle of guitly mixture dripped into the pit of my stomach and I closed my eyes gripping the sink even harder until I heard the cracking of the porcelain. My eyes snapped opened just in time for the pieces that were curled between my fingers and palms to snap off, I quickly straightened up then wordless repaired the damage. I sighed and looked one last time at my reflection before wiping the bathroom clean of mist, I turned toward my door debating whether to take a shower or get what little sleep I could. That conflict was soon resolved as my body acted upon itself while my mind drifted onto thoughts that should have been sealed behind thick impenetrable walls, I had found myself stark naked with warm water fluently running down my body sending random chills up and down my spine.

 _So many scars..._ The voice had said rather pathetic making me cringe in response, I pressed my forehead softly against the porcelain clad walls of the shower. It was soothing to let the now hot water run down my very sensitive back, my scars tingling beneath the flow. I placed my hands upon the wall on either side of where my head rested, I had a half mind of pounding myself senseless rather than dealing with what I suspected to come in the near future.

 _Only she could make you-_

 _Shut it before I figure out a way to shut you up permanently!_ My logical half snapped back so viciously that I no longer felt the presence of the other nagging little voice.

I stepped from the shower and conjured a towel wrapping it snuggingly around my waist, I refused to look in the mirror this time and summoned a drying spell to my hair. It frizzed out and I ran my hands through it slicking it back for a moment then paused, I froze with my hands still in my hair as a memory slipped through the walls of my mind.

 _"Tell me Sev, tell me!" Her voice sounded excitedly._

 _I looked at an eleven year old Clarisa, she had grown since I had seen her last, four years prior. My heart ached as I felt her abandonment, it had grown considerably within that short four years and it was because of me that this had happened. I sighed with a smile upon my face as I looked into her shimmering crimson eyes,_

 _"You got your letter-" I had no time to finish my statement as she plowed me to the floor with a bear hug, a smile plastered upon her face from ear to ear, I couldn't help but grin back at her as I sat up with her in my lap. "As I was saying, I will be taking you from here. You get to come with me to where I live for most of the year, does that sound fun?"_

 _Clarisa's smile grew bigger as her eyes filled with happy tears which sprinkled down her face as she flew forward into my chest, she wrapped her arms around my neck and I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist._

 _"You're not lying to me, I can tell." She looked up at me then sniffed, "I really do get to leave with you."_

 _I nodded as my spirits lifted, seeing her so happy had made me feel a peace I had longed for. Clarisa had gotten up off of me and was bouncing around her room with an usual amount of excitable energy as she gathered what little possessions she owned, most of them had come from me. I watched in mild suprise that she had actually kept so much of what I would present to her on her birthday, holidays or just about every time I visited. It pained me though to see that most of the things were out dated since I had not been around and it opened my eyes to the fact that I was the only one who was visiting..._

Pain surging from my knees to my hips and up my back brought me from the unexpected memory, I looked down to see that I was on my knees and one hand was clutching at my chest. The emotions from that memory felt so physical, even now as I stayed upon my knees trying to clear my thoughts. I needed to shut my mind down and I _needed_ to get up off of the floor, I shifted my weight to one knee then placed one hand down upon the slightly damp ground. I lifted myself up only to look at my own image once again in the mirror, I looked even more miserable then before.

My mouth had thinned into a scrowl as my brows knitted together, I looked away quickly then dropped the towel from around my waist. I looked up letting my hair fall down my back as I summoned my usual clothing, there was no way I was going back to sleep tonight.

* * *

The winds had grown bitterly cold in northern Scotland, piles of thick white snow had begun to blanket the ground. September sucked but November was far more harsh, with freezing rain and gusty shears of icy wind, it was something no one wanted to be out in.

A young woman stood upon a low rising hill her boots buried within inches of snow, her head covered in the fur hood of her jacket. Her deep crimson eyes set south in sight as the wind picked up it's harsh on slaught of icy terror, she shivered for a moment before removing her boots from the snow and turned around. A completely snow covered wooden cottage stood at the base of the hill as she moved toward it with purpose, it's ice riddled porch uninviting to the eye.

Inside the cottage presented a cozy atmosphere as a fire place bellowed flames from it's depths spreading a very desired heat into the room, she slipped from her fur garments only to replace them with a black velvet cloak that appeared with a rise of her hand. She settled herself into a cushioned armchair that was positioned directly in front of the heats path, a mug soon accompanied her outstretched hand. She sat back almost being swallowed by the folds of the chair but she did not mind as she closed her eyes once sipping on the steaming liquid that was in the mug. She thought of a long lost and dear friend of hers, though she was pretty sure he didn't consider her a friend but it mattered not. She smiled softly as she reached for him, into the depths of his mind, implanting a visionary dream that would have seemed to appear like a memory.

She was watching him from within the shadows that the haunting trees casted, he was standing in front of a grave. This was not what she had in mind as she watched him for a while, her heart suddenly pained her. She felt his despair despite this being an illusion of his and her's mind, the emotions were far too real and it clicked within her subconscious mind, the invasion upon his mind must have caught him off guard and made him vulnerable. She felt a sting of guilt as she watched him lower to the ground upon his knees and collided his head roughly with the grey concrete of the headstone. She was surprised he had taken her to a graveyard, she didn't know who but a part of her was curious while another told her to mind her own business.

A prick of pain confused her as he hit his head again, she almost cried out when the feeling of remorse hit her square in the chest.

The man that was hunched over before her eyes was as vulnerable as he was going to get in the state that he was in, to her, he was still the same man she remembered from long ago. A caring, loving man who use to smile with the softest of eyes and the gentlest touch toward her. Now a man full of pain, agony, remorse and guilt sat hunched over causing himself deliberate pain. She couldn't take it anymore, she needed to see if he remembered her, remembered who she was. It was selfish but she needed to know, even if it was only in this state of mind.

She stepped out from the shadows of the tree the crunching of leaves stopping her in her tracks, her breath hitched for only a second before composing herself and her demeanor. Her mind raced frantically as he did not look up, she knew that he was aware of her presence but that did not help. She took a silent deep breath and spoke once in range of his hearing,

"I thought I might find you here... _professor."_

He still didn't look up immediately and she froze, she wondered if he could even hear her. It had been a long time since she had used legiliems and occulumacy at the same time, but her skills were still sharp.

It startled her when he slowly turned his head toward her, he had heard her. She felt the daggers that had gone into his heart when hearing her words and it pained her even more, only a spark of relief filled her briefly when she knew he had remembered and apparently had not forgotten her.

"It's nice to see you again...Severus. It has been far too long."

What came next amused and hurt her the most, she could hear his internal conflict and it cut her like knives, what he said was worse.

"Yes, Ms. Saverum, it has been far too long. This is not a place for a cordial meeting of our calibur, maybe another place and another time."

She stared at him as his words sunk in deep, he had just shown the most disrespectful thing he could as if she meant nothing. However, she also felt the conflict brewing again inside his head as he tried to appear cold hearted. She simply smiled once again and looked deep into his eyes trying to find the man she truly once knew, her next statement coming to mind with ease as she was feeling comfortable once more.

"Yes, well you may be right Severus but I felt your... _presence._ I had to see if it was you or just my mind playing old tricks upon me again."

Her smile had faded by this point, she wanted to step closer, she wanted to reach her hand out and touch him but she knew she couldn't. His face was emotionless despite the raging war in his head and she could hear every thought,

"Why are you here?"

She knew that wasn't directed at why she _was_ here but more at the fact of why she was in the graveyard with him, she didn't even bother trying to put a smile back in place, he had upsetted her too far this time and he didn't even know it.

"As I said, I had to know if it was you."

She watched him intently as he took her answer, she was intentionally avoiding the question and knew he was too smart to miss it. It was strange that he had not tried to pry into her mind but she only knew the reason why he wouldn't, she was happy that somewhere deep down in him he either remembered or felt wrong if he had done it. She contiplated the man before her, he still stood as straight as he could and she laughed inwardly. It was amusing to her to see him so thrown off that she had to force herself not to grin stupidly as his thoughts reached her again. He was adoring the fact that she had become a beautiful woman yet at the same time he was calling himself lecherous, she had begun to wonder if he could feel her thoughts.

The look in his eyes before she decided to pull from his mind gave her chills, She opened her eyes to see a simmering fire place in front of her. Her emotions were running high as she swallowed every last drop of liquid from her mug before making it disappear, her body was exhausted from the legilimens and occulumacy that she slumped further into the chair getting comfortable and falling asleep.

His emotions would control her dreams tonight...


	3. Dull Reflections

**A/N:** Well here is another chapter, some editing has been done to the first two chapters so please bear with me because I seem to have had a massive brain fart. Reviews are welcome, so please let me know what you guys think.

Thanks to those who are reading or have read, thank you so much.

~S~

* * *

The fireplace burned dull with embers while I held a book within my left hand, my right hand holding a mug of fire whiskey. I took a swig then thumbed another page, I had read this particular book at least a dozen times or so but it was still my favorite by far. I glanced at the fire without lifting my head and the embers roared to life with a fresh new fire, I snuggled further back into my dark green arm chair feeling the heat from the flames. I adjusted my eyes to the newly brighter room as I looked at the pages once more, I had already gotten half way through the book before realising it was nearly five in the morning. I had tossed the notion of not teaching today but knew that would not be possible, I had never ever missed making first years fear me and other students miserable, it was sort of my release.

I flipped another page before a knock sounded upon my office door. _Who in the bloody hell is up at this hour?_

 _You._

 _Shut up you irritating twit._ I snapped bitterly at my logical side once again, dear god it was back to harrass me some more.

I stood up after marking my page within the book, I set it upon the coffee table I had positioned right in front of my chair and between the fireplace. I strolled over to my chamber doors and unwarded it walking through, I waved a hand replacing the wards. My cloak billowed behind me as I rushed to the office door, I opened it and glared down my nose at Roysel. She was the schools new transfiguration teacher seeing as Minerva had decided to retire to spend her days with her family, I still couldn't understand why Minerva would give up being Headmistress.

Roysel stood about five foot six and was considerably shorter than I as I leaned against my door frame crossing my arms over my chest to show her my discontent, her hazel colored eyes beaming. She held her head high despite being in my presence and it irritated me to no end, she was a pure-blood and she reminded me quite frequently of that fact. I shuttered.

"Goodmorning Professor Snape."

Her voice sent chills down my spin that I visibly shook with disgust, I hated her squeeky little voice like I hated the rest of her. I made sure my usual demeanor was in place before I uncrossed my arms and stepped toward her making her back up slightly,

"There is _nothing_ good about this morning if you are at my door, what do you want?"

I was satisfied when a look of hurt crossed her face but soon disappeared, she straightened herself up once again and put on a fake smile before responding. I had no idea what possessed the woman to think she could bother me anytime she wanted just like she did when she first arrived here, she had latched to me almost immediately and the Headmaster thought it was funny that he didn't even try to stop it. I glared down at her again before my mouth thinned into a frown, she looked me straight in the eyes and I could see more than I ever wanted to.

"I came here _Professor_ because the Headmaster says there has been a slight problem, he wouldn't tell me what or why but told me to come to you straight away."

I growled inwardly, this was just what I needed after a sleepless night, running errands for the fool. The new Headmaster who had taken the position of Albus and Minerva was quite compitent but lacked certain 'authority' in some ways, he was too kind. When I had met him I was astonished with how much raw magical energy he was giving off and knew that I did _not_ want to get on his bad side, before then, I had never even heard of him.

I bid Roysel goodbye but she placed her hand on my door and I turned around slowly to face her once again, my anger was beginning to creep back up inside me and I did not want to be liable for what I might do to the annoying little pure-blood. I slapped her hand off of my door and cursed myself within my own head for even touching her, I caught a glimpse of her cheeks flushing and I vomitted a little within my mouth. I swallowed it back down and shivered ever so slightly, I cringe internally at the thought that my touch had inticed her.

"What do you think you are doing?"

I drug the words as slow as possible for emphasis and damn near vomitted in my mouth again when she hid her face for a moment and I could see her cheeks had gone full scarlet, her thoughts are what made me feel absolutely sick to my stomach. I was beginning to hate my ability to use Legilimens.

"I...I wanted to know why it was so important to come get you."

I drew to my full height as the anger exploded that had been building, I stepped dangerously close to her and bend down slightly so that I was towering over her.

"I do not appreciate you sticking your nose where it does not belong, it is between the Headmaster and I and _no one_ else. Do you understand, Roysel. Mind. Your. Own. Business."

I was seething by this point and was seriously controlling myself not to hex the little bitch into the next century, I was curling one of my fists so hard that my knuckles had gone ghostly white and my fingers were beginning to go numb. I did not give Roysel a chance to respond as I slammed my door in her face, I took a deep breath trying to calm myself before going to see the Headmaster. I turned away from the door but not taking a step, there within in my fireplace was the Headmaster himself.

"Why must you be so mean to her Severus, she adores you."

"I _know_ that thank you very much." I snapped at the man as my temper flared again, I turned away from the fire and walked over to my desk. I pretended to ruffled through pieces of parchment while waiting for him to speak, the hairs upon the back of my neck began to stand on end as I felt him staring at me. He was trying to pry into my mind. I spun on the spot, my brows knitted dangerously close as I bared my teeth silently.

"Don't you _ever_ dare try to gain access into my mind again... _Alexander_."

"Need I remind you Severus that it was I who saved you from Azkaban, that it was _I_ who allowed and convinced parents of your return to this school-"

"No I don't need reminding but remember this, you are not messing with an amature. You know _who_ I was and who I am now, don't press your luck." I seethed quitely while staring at Alexander.

"Fair enough Severus, please come to my office so we can discuss the problem that has arisen if you would be so kind to do so."

I nodded in silence looking away from Alexander and studied a piece of dirt upon my office floor, I had my hands on the edge of my desk as my legs rested against it also. I hated to concede to Alexander but he did hold very good points, he had been right about the fact that he had technically saved my life from the prison. He had also; along side the boy-who-lived, had managed to convince an entire wizarding community that I was not 'evil' like they thought I was. I owed him my life and more if that was even possible so here I am again, indebted to another powerful wizard, going down the same path I had previously. The pop of my fireplace made me look up, he was gone.

I slid to the floor as my strength evaported along with my desire, Alexander had hit me right where it had hurt and he knew this too. I hated the fact that he was able to best me, to make me loose all resolve to keep calm while at the same time crawling so far beneath my skin that I couldn't escape the crushing realization of his truths. I was indeed indebted to him but it did not mean that I had to put up with him nor did I have to put up with his reminders, he was barking up the wrong person if he thought he was going to be able to walk over me whenever he wanted. I grabbed the closest thing to me and threw it across the room, which happen to be a jar of ink from the corner of my desk. It made a small pop as it hit the stone wall while ink exploded and poured down the wall, the jar itself had never cracked but had turned the right way and released the ink. I was even more frustrated as I grabbed onto the edge of my desk and wanted to lift myself back up but gave up deciding it was comfortable on the floor at this moment, I ran my fingers through my hair letting it fall back to the sides of my face.

I felt a rage beginning to boil deep within the pit of my stomach, I had no idea where it was coming from but I knew I needed to get rid of the rage before it became too hard to control. I breathed in deeply closing my eyes while I let my head fall forward, I knew I probably looked pathetic but I didn't have much more strength than to do that. My eyes snapped open and I lifted my head along with my hand, I grabbed the edge of the desk knowing there was no way in hell that I was getting up on my own, I was getting too damn old for this. I lifted myself up and straightened my clothing with the palms of my hands, the irritating rage was still bubbling as I looked toward the desk then the door only to stop upon the fire place, I withdrew my wand from my pocket and aimed it at the inside of the opening. I seethed as the rage began to pump through my veins and to where my fingers connected with my wand, as if on its own accord, a hole was blasted into the stone brick sending pieces of it skitting across my hearth rug in front of it. Soot and ash fogged the room momentarily and I inhaled at the wrong time, I coughed out a whisp of grey smoke before it made it into my lungs. I repaired the damage and scourged the room clean and myself before heading for the door, now that the rage had calmed just slightly I knew this would be the best time to deal with Alexander.

* * *

The dreams had awoken her before dawn as she sat upright within her cottage bed breathing heavily as the vividness of the dreams, her hand placed upon her heaving chest as she tried to calm herself. It only took moments before she composed herself and retreated into the small bathroom, she heated the water with a flick of her wrist and began to wash her face. She shivered at the water dried and cooled her skin, she hadn't even noticed that there was a chill within the cabin from the fire dulling over the night. She turned around and flicked her wrist again causing a spark to ignite into a roaring fire once again within the small bricked fireplace, she turned back to look at her self in the mirror and decided it was time for a much needed hot shower.

Heavy clouds of hot steam floated at eye level throughout the tiny bathroom as she stepped from the shower shutting off the water and conjuring a long fuzzy towel to wrap around her mid-section. Her fingers traced the traces of an old scar that was placed neatly beside her heart, a token of appreciation. As her fingers traced the slightly discolored sensitive skin she froze, she willingly let a memory come back for the fact that it had completely caught her unsuspected.

 _She was terrified and yet she wasn't, her body had become numb within a matter of seconds. A black ivory wand was pointed at her heart, the man before; his face now unclear, stood towering over her. His wand in one hand and a silver mask in the other that lay be his side. All she thought of was her dead parents and how they were murdered while finishing supper, all she could remember was bright flashes of green then the smell of copper; a very strong smell of copper._

Tears blinded her as she regained her reality and realised that she had not had that memory in a long time, she never really could remember much of her parents due to the fact that her brain and subconciousness had sealed the memories of their murders shut from her. All she really remembered and cherished was that a man; who in her eyes could very well resemble an over grown bat due to the clothing style he wore, showed up and told her that she was a witch and that she would be attending a school named Hogwarts starting in September. During her start of school she had never thought to look for the man again until by chance she ended up in his class, he was the Potion's Professor and she immediately took to his cold demeanor.

She shook her head, reveling in old sentiments would not help her now. She needed to stay focused if she was going to do what she planned, she needed to repress the memories or oblivate them all together but she seemed to never be able to allow herself to forget.

It was mid morning and she was already standing upon the hill once again, the icy breeze had died down this time but was still bitterly cold. She was looking south again, her destination burning within her mind. She had to be meticulous on her approach seeing as she wasn't invited, an unwelcomed guest if you will. She rubbed her hands together bringing them closer to her face, her thoughts drifted to the man she had dreamed about the night before.

Though it was frugil to think about, she wondered if he actually still remembered her. The vision was simply just that, _a vision_ , an implement within his mind from her. She wondered if he still had room for her in his cold heart, if he still cared for her the way she cared for him. It had been so long ago when that bond had bound them together, she shuttered at the thought of what or who he had truly become all these years later. It wasn't that simple though, the bond. It had been a long time ago, a nightmare that still woke her on occasion and left her breathless. A nightmare she will never forget and refuses to oblivate, she knows too well that she needs the memory more than anything, more than life itself and she was not willing to give that up with ease.

She turned to face the cottage once more and pulled from her sleeve a jet black twelve inch hollowswood wand with unicorn hair infused into the core, she waved it shrinking the cottage to pocket size and walked over to the tiny piece laying within the snow. She picked it up and wiped it off before putting it into her fur coat, it was time to travel once again. She began a slow pace south knowing all too well that she could have simply just apparated but that would give her away, she planned on doing this the old fasioned way or as others would say, the muggle way.

Within minutes her face was becoming frost biten from the breeze that had finally decided to come to life, she pointed her wand at her face and casted a heating carm to take the edge off. She shook her head and continued for the Grampian Mountains, she would travel the base south until she came upon Loch Fyne where she could camp outside of Inveraray. Scotland was not foreign to her by any means, she grew up on the boarder with England and traveled with her parents though not much was remembered. She shook her head again trying to repress old memories that did not need to come back to the surface, at least not now while she had a mission and maybe not ever she hoped.

It was at least a good days hike from Kingussie if not longer, she had already cleared a quarter of the flat land that seperated the mountains from the city. She looked up to the sky to see a blurred sun trying to break through thick misty clouds that lay clumped together all throughout the sky, winter was beginning to show its full arrival. She shivered even within her fur coat, the temperature seemed to have dropped as she moved closer to the moutains. She casted a full body heating charm this time that she had created which allowed for the slow release of heat throughout the body for several hours, she stopped shivering once it took into effect. She would not stop for nothing until she reached the base of the mountains, then she would decide if it was worth traveling more or camping for the night seeing as the chill was probably bone deep at the base.


	4. Breaking Point

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, I do not have internet at home and no not trust many places with wifi access so my options are limited. But at least, here is chapter four. I kinda lost track of what I was doing so this chapter may not be as raw with emotions as the first and honestly...I out did myself with that one, can't seem to even compete with my own writing lol. Reviews are always welcome as well as PMs if you wish, thank all of you again.**

 **~S~**

* * *

Chapter Four: Breaking Point

The hallway was cold, quiet and within the air I could almost choke on the dampness that hovered about. The dungeons felt like home whenever I stepped down from the upper floors, they were my place to close off the world and rid myself of the day's troubles with just a simple brew. I had become quite adapted to the calming effects of brewing potions and found myself wanting it more often than not, I enjoyed the fluent motions my hands made whether I was paying attention or not. I was and am still able to just let my mind wonder and forget anything and everything that has or had happened to me, it was my therapy and I loved it.

Though as I now was leaving my 'sanctuary' I felt a bit like I was out of place but only for a second having remembered there were no students to get in my way, I had spiraled too far into my thought process once again and neglected the fact that I _needed_ to be somewhere. With a new approach and a clear head once again, I walked down the hallway. Flames danced about the heads of the cast iron torches that lined the inside walls every ten feet or so, the light flickering upon the floor created long casted shadows that seemed eager to swallow up anything that crossed their paths. I looked around for a moment expecting at least one student to be out before curfew was lifted, it just wouldn't feel right if I did not have my morning fill of torement on the sneaky little students whom roamed the castle after curfew _believing_ that I would not know about it. That thought made me laugh and out loud no less, I stopped immediately when I realised that it had come out of my mouth and from deep within my throat. _Dear Merlin what is going on with me?_

 _I can answer that._ The little voice tauntingly said and I felt like there should have been a double of me standing beside me so that I could punch it for being so damned irritating; the other me would be with little voice that drove me mad frequently.

I grew angry and cleared my head quickly knowing it was the best way that I was able to do so, something I had practiced when my parents had decided it was time to scream and yell at each other as if I did not exsist. Oh that had been a nightmare and half, somethings I was very glad to have shed myself of and _those_ memories I would be willing to trade time and time again as long as I didn't have to hear it in my head anymore. Yes, I am very skilled with occlumency and yes I do shut my mind off but that never seems to stop my own memories from having their way with my mind.

Before I knew it I had travel up three flights of stairs and now stood dumbly in front of a gargoyle statue that reminded me of the gargoyles that perched every corner of an insane persons castle, looking like they might attack if one didn't know better in the dead of night. I personally hated that gaustly thing but who was I too complain when the one wizard who could possibly kick my ass was the one to erect it.

The stairs carried me to the dark wooden door that gave off a fragrance of honey maple, iron trimmed the door on the edges and ceased at the hinges. Designs of some type of drawings were moving about upon the door, seemingly drifting upon the smoothed finish of the wood. My curiousity peeked rather quickly and I lifted a cautious hand toward the black moving shapes and just as my finger was about to touch one, it met wood and the shapes ran from my finger like it was the plague. I found myself highly disappointed that _that_ had happened, the unfamiliar parts of knowledge out within the world thrilled me and this was a prime example of it. A low monotoned voice called from the other side of the door bringing me from my unhappy and somewhat depressed stuper of not being able to touch the little moving shapes, though I was delighted once more when my hand touched the brass bridged handle to the door and the shapes took on the appearance of being shrouded in smoke. It was as if they had suddenly been swallowed in blackish smoke, still whisping about the door. As I walked into Alexander's office a sense of satisfaction finally put my mind at ease while I watched the Headmaster juggling something above his wand, it's body glinting with a hint of silver whenever the light from the candles flickered upon it. He seemed to be unaware that I had made myself present per his request and was started to feel that agitating rage nipping at my innards, I stepped closer to the desk while keeping a safe amount of distance between us. The silver glinted object was a ring made of fine silver rare to most of the world, why he was playing with it like it was a toy was beyond me. I knitted my brows in irritation and made my presences known,

"You wanted to see me..." I said with a dark tone letting it roll off of my tongue like it was poison.

Alexander dropped the ring by accident but I caught it with a point of my wand while having never said a word, he beamed at me and I knew immediately that I was going to regret ever stepping foot in his office.

"Well, yes I did, I mean I do. Oh damn..." Alexander fiddled with something then placed the ring inside the top drawer of his desk, he looked up once closing the draw seemingly satisfied of himself.

"Yes Severus, the problem I spoke of earlier in the fire but not going into detail..."

"Yes." I drew out every single letter glaring at the now slightly frowning man, I could see he was upset or nervous about something but paid no mind to it as he spoke once more.

"Well you see, as I do trust you, I do not trust what you might do some times if told the wrong piece of information."

"No need to remind me of the past, just get to the point." I sneered as I watched Alexander fiddling with something again.

It was clearly evident that whatever his problem was it was bothering him more than usual, it seemed that the problem itself was not as much as a bother as him trying to tell me about it 'delicately'. I snorted slightly hoping he hadn't heard that, the thought was hilarious that he was trying to be that way while talking to me. Alexander gave me a funny look of one eye brow raised so high his greying brown hair threatened to swallow it whole, he icy blue eyes glinting with curiousity.

" _And_ what do you find so funny Severus?"

 _Oh damn, he heard it._ I had to rectify this immediately or explain, neither of which I wanted to do honestly. My cloak snugged around the right side of my body as I shifted my weight to my left leg seeing as my right was beginning to tingle, I hated when my legs decided to fall asleep on me. Quick pricks of stabbing pin point pain envoloped my right foot as soon as the pressure of my bodys' weight left it, I growled and looked down. I looked back up forgetting I needed to answer his question or in my case, dodge it.

"Nothing." I said coldly as I stared Alexander in the eyes, I could see the worry drawn into each line that was upon his face. His mouth had creased into a formidable scowl now as he crossed his arms over his chest, his stance becoming domineering like mine when I was in potions class teaching. He decided to ignore me as he walked over to and behind his desk, his back resting upon the back of the golden trimmed, crimson velvet, high back arched chair that stood behind the desk. With his back to me I showed my anger as I thought of so many ways to hex the man, he glanced over his shoulder bringing me from my thoughts as he spoke but a lot softer this time.

"Severus," He turned to face me with his arm rested upon the back of the chair, "I need your experience in spells, I need security to be doubled upon the castle and if you could spare an old man some calming drought I would be most greatful."

"I will do what I can and will have your potions to you within the hour, is there anything else?" I growled at the last part of the sentence just wanting to leave.

"Thank you Severus."

I huffed as I turned from Alexander and walked out of the door, slamming it in my wake. I started to have a strange sense of deja vu but couldn't really place what had brought about the feelings. I knew Alexander trusted me and far more than he ought to in my opinion, he knew only of what I had told him and what the ministry knew, which wasn't much. The walk to my dungeons was no longer quite as students filled the hallways trying to make it to their first classes, I was bitter by this point and had no desire to deal with the first years who sat probably chattering within my classroom. I made quick for my private chambers unwarding the door that stood beside the Slytherin common room which was magically enchanted to immitate the stone wall in which it resided in, I grabbed two vials of calming drought and vanished them to Alexander's office as I walked from my room replacing the wards upon the door once more. It was time to face the first years and the irritation that would soon follow...

* * *

The base of the mountain was fridged, worse than the flats on the other side of Kingussie. She shivered as she followed the knee high trail of snow that had fallen before she had made it, the heating charm was no longer in effect anymore and she wondered if she was going to collapse soon. The wind was harsh as it snapped at her face causing her to duck her face into the inside of jacket as she stopped for a moment, she could not stop for long or she would be buried in snow within a few minutes time as it felt like she was mid center within the wrath of a blizzard. She glanced around, the sun would be setting in two hours. She decided to try and find a flat piece of land before dark, as she navigated away from the thick of the base a nice snowy piece of flat land just large enough for her cottage appeared seemingly out of no where. She pulled the cottage from her pocket and set it upon the snow and hurried to engorge it to its proper size before the snow buried it along with her, it sprange to life and created her home for the night.

She hurried inside and lit a fire immediately and sat down in front of it upon the hearth rug that was before it, she didn't evne bother undressing any piece of clothing as her body shook badly with the aftermath of the coldness that had stiffened her limbs and bones. She hated doing what she was doing and was starting to second guess that maybe she _should have_ apparated, there was no way anyone knew she was on her way toward the one place she still truly called home. She rubbed her hands together taking them mittens off and laying them beside her, she flinched as her hands felt like they were on fire and incased in painfull ice at the same time. She finally shed her fur coat as the cottage was now an acceptable temperature, she walked over to her chair and sat down feeling the days' long walk ebb up into absolute and utter exhaustion.

Howling winds whispered eeriely against the cottage, a blizzard now in evidence. She was awoken by scratching noises barely heard above the winds but she knew them well, there was something outside wanting in, something that most likely was not friendly. Her senses were being rattled as she looked back and forth rapidly trying to locate the scratching, it was no use as the winds continued its assault upon her hearing. She jumped when she heard something brush against the door as the scratching continued elsewhere, it wasn't alone. She rose from the chair as quietly as possible and crossed the room to the door, snarling and sniffing could be heard crystal clear as she gently pressed her ear to the cold wooden door. She raised a slightly shaking hand to a dead bolt switch just below the brass handle, she turned it as slow as possible but when the loud thud of the lock clicking into place alerted what was on the other side, she slammed her back against the door as a blood curtling howl came from the creature and four more followed as scratching began upon the door. She had no choice as she clutched her wand with a death grip, it was either them or her.

The howling ceased but only for a moment, more were coming, an entire pack was now surrounding the cottage with her trapped inside. She warded the door but it did not stop the eerie scratching noises from seeping in, it chilled her to the bone. These creatures must have been starving to come upon a human so quickly, normal circumstances, they would have simple ran off if a human was nearby. She wondered how many there really could be and how long they were willing to wait, it frightened her that she might become their meal if she didn't do something about it, wards would not be enough.

Lost within her own thoughts she neglected the silence except by the howling of the wind, she had not noticed that the creatures silenced. She pressed her ear to the door once again to hear snoring, snarling, and sniffing along with a few grunts, whimpers and light howled cries. They were waiting her out, she sighed in anger at this point. She had hoped the trip would be easy but had forgotten why almost no witch or wizard stepped foot near the Grampain mountains, it was a suicide mission seeing as these specific beasts prey upon the magic of beings while eating the remains of said witch or wizard. It made her shutter to think of that happening to her, her magic alone was more than enough to satisfy the beasts for generations before needing to feed again.

She closed her eyes after drawing up a blanket with her wand and covering herself with it, she transifigured a nearby stool into a big puffy feather filled deep green pillow and which she laid her head upon while laid flat up against the door. She found it funny that she thought for just a moment that her weight would keep those nasty beasts out, it was something to laugh about and that she did, not loud though. She was thankful that she had picked a cottage with no windows so that was one less worry for her to think about as her eyelids grew heavy, she needed to get sleep then she would worry about the gruesome mess awaiting her just outside the door.

This time she awoke to banging against the door as something was throwing all its weight against the door, her ward had disspelled while she was asleep and she could hear the slight splintering of wood. She casted a quick but effecting heating charm that made the wood feel like it was over a thousand degrees in temperature, a yelp then a howled cry of pain could be heard when the body collided with the door again. She smiled. She shielded the entire place against them while focusing most of her magic upon the door and porch that probably housed half the pack, she placed another quick charm to box the vicious beasts in while she heated the porch but not like she had the door. She remembered the beasts could not stand heat, even the slightest bit drove them mad. She let the shields down when the heat effectively caused every creature to cry out in pain and were scattering about in the tiny boxed in porch, clawing at thin air begging to be released.

She was torn. She knew these creatures from when she was little, she had petted one while it had already been fed. They were quite docile after feedings and her father told her it was alright to touch it, she remember how the fur was of the brightest yet softest shade of silver. Some would vary in color depending on the weather but the one that stuck out the most to her was the one she had petted, its one eye golden while the other eye blue with flakes of gold infused within it as a back drop. It had wolf like teeth but not that of a werewolfs and suprising short claws on its paws, the ears perked like a cats ear and swirled in different directions to the human voices. I had learned that day that they were extremely intelligent and could understand what we would tell them, the silver one had understood that I loved it and wanted to take it home with me. If only she was here now. That had been far too many years ago and she doubted the poor creature was still alive, having looked pretty aged back then.

The scene outside grew intensely quite as she pressed her ear once again to the door, she couldn't hear any snoring or snarling or scratching or nothing for that matter, it frightened her. A loud and very powerful howl came from somewhere in the near distance and she heard the scurring of many claws upon the wooden porch, she wondered what just in the hell had happened. She got up cautiously and casted a shield around herself so that she would not be caught off guard if one of those creatures decided that she was worth ignoring the call of the evident alpha, she cracked the door just a hair to find nothing but a snow covered railing and clean porch. She walked out on to the porch with wand still death gripped within her hand and looked toward where she guessed the call came from, there above the snow capped lower edges of mountains stood something so beautiful that she could not believe her eyes...

It was her...


	5. Emotional Deadening

Chapter Five: Emotional Deadening

It was slow, time seemed to slow down so badly that I found myself tapping my fingers incisively as my irritation was boarderlining anger rather quickly. My first class had ruffled and frayed my nerves so badly that I had walked out of the classroom just to not hex the lot of them, that within itself did not ease my rising temper. By the end of the second period I had gotten so horribly frustrated with myself that a burst of my magic shattered several cauldrons forcing me to verbally apologise to the students I had to send to the medical wing, that now led me to where I am now...

Alexander was staring at me with not one emotion visible, his fingers were clasped together in front of himself as he sat behind his desk.

"You do realise the seriousness of this situation, don't you?" It was a rhetorical question but he stared at me as if I should have answered, he sighed and broke eye contact.

"You sent four your own students to the hospital wing, never in the history of this school has a teacher done that and in only one day and in one class."

I groaned knowing he was right, I hated it when he did this. He offered me tea but I had shaken my head as I looked back down, I vaguely remembered some of the students being Gryffindor and when that passed my mind I froze. I ever so slowly turned my head to see the door opening to the office, there just went my not so miserable day.

A hand met my face as it stung from the immediate contact of flesh, I was downright stunned for the briefest of moments before composing myself rather sadistically. I stood and towered over one Roysel who had already made herself known in my presence once before, every fiber of my being wanted to smack her back.

 _Screw magic and formalities, hit the pure-blooded bitch._

That was not a bad idea as my hand raised of it's own accord but was stopped as another wrapped fingers around my wrist, I set my mask back and it filled with instant rage toward the pompous little pure-blood who stood _so_ stupidly in front of me with a smug look upon her ugly face. I ripped my wrist away from Alexander knowing it was he who had stopped me and I brought my hand across her face hard enough to send her to the floor, I would say I had not meant to hit her that hard but then I would be lying if I did.

"Don't _ever_ strike me again or it will be the last thing you ever do!" I roared with anger at her then scoffed Alexander off as he tried to gently place his hand upon my shoulder, I was now visibly shaking with anger. Another burst of my magic slipped and lashed at Alexander which _that_ I had no intentions of and whirled around trying to stop it, I collapsed painfully to my knees as my magic was rebounded back at me. I hung my head as pain radiated through my body, it was as if my magic had called upon a small fraction of the Cruciatus curse and pulses were being electroshocked through my nerves causing me to flinch just light enough that no one but Alexander noticed.

"Get out Miss. Sterling, I will speak to you later about your actions in here." His voice held just a hint of anger but no where near what the next statement held when she had began protesting, "GET OUT NOW!"

I flinched under the severity of his voice, only one other wizard had ever made me do that and Alexander was giving him a run for his money that's for damn sure. I had never truly been afraid of Albus, I knew he could kill me if he wanted to but the one person I was absolutely terrified of was Tom Riddle. Not because he was a crazed mad man with an agenda all of its own but because his madness held so many truths that I had become terrified of becoming _him,_ I was beyond mortified when I had learned of how simple he had made it seem to rip his own soul and then did it _six_ more times without the slightest regret.

Its funny to think that no one seems to realise that I might actually be as powerful as Tom was and I didn't have to procreate so deep into the dark arts to create the monster he was, I had learned mine with my intelligence and the soul deep thrist for knowledge that drove me. It drove me to the dark arts, it drove me to muggle studies and everything in between and when it didn't drive me I felt empty, I felt useless. I hadn't any true intentions nor the satisfaction of letting Tom control me, my freedom, my every single action causing me to lose my reality and perception of everything around me. I hadn't meant for myself to become the predator and the prey all in one fell swoop but I had, I had dug myself so far into the spiders nest that I was sure to concede to the poison that he was spreading. I hated myself more than anything.

I had to live the illusion that I was a pure-blood and that all of wizarding Britian and the _world_ for that matter should be pure-blood only, erasing mudbloods and muggle-borns alike from the equation. I had not at that time realised that his ideals was similar to a situation I had read about in muggle history, Merlin only knows why I had even read the article to begin with but once the war had been over, I was glad I had.

"Severus?" I was brought from my reprieve by Alexander kneeling in front of me with a firm hand upon my shoulder, I didn't look at him as he spoke again. "I think I should get you down to the medical wing."

I shook my head knowing what had happened to me, I had no desire to face the medi-witch and the scolding by her for my stupidity or lack there of. I calmed my frayed nerves as the pulses finally stopped, it was as if I was punishing myself without knowing it. I managed to stand back up but only with the unwanted help of Alexander,

"Severus, go to your chambers. I will cancel your classes for the rest of the day, you don't look well."

 _Am I that obvious?_

 _Nope. He just knows you that well or is incredibly lucky on figuring it out._

I guess I had asked for this. Not many knew of what I had done when I was twenty-one and had only just started my career, Albus, Poppy, and Minerva were the few that knew of the truth that fateful night on October back in nineteen eighty-one.

I gathered myself as I started to feel disconnected from myself, my emotions were waning thin to the point that I thought they might just disappear and in all honesty, I wouldn't have minded if that was the case. I am tired of the internal conflict that rages non-stop through my head and the constant source of my frequent headaches, of the emotions I had learned to hide so well seeping through the cracks in my mask and exposing the most and worst vulnerable side of me. I walked myself from his office vaguely aware of my surroundings, maybe Alexander was right, maybe there was something wrong with me. I couldn't fathom the idea that the dream or whatever it was had done something to me but now as I walked disconnected from the reality in front of me, it clearly was unnerving to see how much it had. Students scrambled to avoid my path but the spark of despair that I use to hold about myself to instill fear was missing, my usually increased temper seemed like a thorn prick instead of coursing waves of the fire through my veins. I was truely starting to lose it, I was not the dungeon bat or the dour potions professor. I was simply...

 _A man with so much wrong that he feels more than he had felt since that night long ago._

A man...I ran face first into a door and realised that I nearly knocked a young girl onto the floor when I had backed up from the hit, I was suppose to be embarrassed but I wasn't. I wasn't even angry that many students had seen that but I felt nothing, I murmured under my breath just enough for the girl to hear while leaning over to help pick her books up.

"Sorry."

The word stunned me as it fell from mouth so quietly that the girl had leaned in to hear me, I was not fond of how close she was getting. I could count the freckles upon her albino skin toned face, she was too close now. I stood back up and felt a pop in my lower back but ignored it and handed the books back to the found girl, she grabbed my cloak before I could turn to leave. I noticed that every student that had gathered, even those who were older had gone into a hushed silence with inhaled breaths. I looked down still feeling nothing, where anger should have been; nothing. I simply stared at the girl and as she stared at me, I felt it, she was prying into my mind with such ease that is scared me, or would have if I had _actually_ felt anything. I broke eye contact but was frozen to the spot I stood when she spoke,

"She's coming for you..."

What she said would have normally elicited something deep inside me like concern or paranoia or even out right anger to the mere fact that a student had spoken to me when not spoken to first, I already didn't like the little brats much less wanted to make conversation with them. I felt nothing, not a damn thing as I watched her walk away rather quickly and heard the beginning rumors that were sure to spread like wildfire, _this_ , I was sure of.

* * *

I was lying in bed for who knows how long, my room had always been without the light of day and I rather loved it. The darkness of my room matched the darkness that encased my heart, no hope for redemption nor the hope of ever seeing the real light of day. I was always so easily drawn to things that were mysterious, that could easily conceal ones deep scarring pain from all those you wished to keep it from. It had become who I was, a part of my life that seemed to not want to change. I had no idea of time as I just stared up into the black canopy that covered my bed, the girls words had replayed in my head over and over again but still nothing happened. I simply closed my eyes just wishing for someone to take me from the misery that I was creating for myself.

I figured I had missed lunch when a house elf popped into my room making themselves known as a tray of food was set upon my table, I didn't even flinch. I had no desire to eat or get up, I just wanted to lay here and started to wonder what it would be like if I starved myself and wasted away to nothing. Who would miss me? _No one._ That little voice said so sadly that it stirred the sleeping emotions that had escaped me, my mind revolved around that thought. I wondered who would miss me if I just disappeared, I wondered who would even care. I was no body to anybody, I was the man who could never smile. I was the man who hated the world, who was cruel and uncaring to everybody and didn't show any respect to those I should. But they were wrong, they were all wrong. Inside I was the man who did care, I cared enough to put myself in mortal danger just to protect the students under my wing as I reigned as headmaster for a period of time. I was the man that despite the fact that I hated and loathed James Potter, I protected his and Lilys son. I was the man who had at one point loved someone and cared for them deeply even though it was a love that one would have for a child, I had realised back then that the love of that kind was all it would ever be thus I reopened old wounds when she had left and never looked back. I was a man who constantly fought with himself, an internal conflict That seemed would not cease until I was no more.

I could hear the whispers of the castle and it's residents as they hummed around me like an invisible force only to be strengthened by the darkness around me, it brought comfort to me as I opened my eyes. This is who I am, I am the darkness that surrounds. I realised this long ago when my first kills left my soul so shattered that I was enveloped within it and thrived, this was before the one thing I cared about was taking from me by my own mistake. Soon after I had turned I had vowed to take down the one man that had taken her from me, but the darkness was already born and thriving off of my pain. For years it had been hard to tell who I really was while I started to make a mask, carving it from my pain, my agony, my grief and hatred. That mask soon consumed my being creating what I am today, cold, sadistic, critical and calculative. I had lost all perspective on who I had really been, the pain I had suffered when I was younger had molded a young man wanting and seeking the attention and approval of the superiors around me. It had worked in a sense, I had the respect and trust of one dark wizard who was rising to power and it invigorated me. Now I laid upon the bed of my choosing, of self-loathing, a prison of my own design.

Several more hours had passed, my stomach finally growling enough to make me move. I sat upon the end of my bed and conjured the tray of food to my lap, my mouth had began to water from the aromas. I had vaguely wondered where my spark went when just this morning I was teaching and felt like my normal self, yet now I sat taking incredibly small amounts of food into my mouth just to ease the pain within my stomach. I managed to clear half of plate of chicken and rice before my stomach turned in a nauseating way, I had made myself sick. I breathed deeply closing my eyes while trying to calm the bile that was churning within my stomach, I had no wishes to retaste what I had just managed to eat.

"Severus?"

I jumped and looked at the fire place, there was no one there. I looked about my darkening room seeing as the flames had extinguished themselves during my own remembrances, the voice sounded familiar but seeing as my mind was tied up at the moment, I couldn't place whose it was. I waited a moment to see if I would hear the voice again but nothing came, only the silence and my mind running crazy with several different thoughts of who owned the voice. I sighed and levitated the tray back to the table, maybe it would have been good to get out.

The corridor to my chambers was damp and dark save for the few torches on the wall casting eerie shadows upon the darkened stone, the castle was unusually quiet for being during the school year then it dawned on me that it was well into the night past curfew. I guess I would make my rounds around the corridors until I was bored or found students out of bed, I had to admit since Potter and his friends hadn't been around not many of my patrol nights had gone undisturbed. It had been rather tasteful of them to leave me presents randomly knowing all to well that I would happen upon them before others did, never admitting it, I rather enjoyed the little game. To this day I can't help but fight my urge to grin at how sadistically comical Potter had become, one of his presents nearly took my hand off when I had found it just outside my doorway. Later I learned that he was distracting me so that he could sneak to the Room of Requirements during Umbridges' reign of terror and honestly to say I wouldn't have stopped him, I had decided to keep his little 'pet' as a token of quiet respect he had earned from me. I looked up finally coming back to my senses and realised something was very wrong, it was deadly quiet, too quiet.

I looked around the corridor I had found myself in and could not place anything out of the ordinary but then there she was, the little girl from earlier. She stood staring at me and I froze, memories flashed before my eyes revolving around a girl I thought lost. This was no accident, how did this girl know about the girl from my past and why was she fixated on it?

"You want to know why I am bringing those memories forward don't you?" The little girl said but her voice and tone were not that of an eleven year old.

"Who are you?"

"You want me to show you more, unlock the memory you repressed?" Her tone was menacing now and I felt strangely terrified by it.

"No..." I whispered.

I closed my mind and sent a mild stinging jinx at the girl but then watched as she deflected it with ease, this girl was truely terrifying me to my core as I backed away from her. My back hit something but I knew there was nothing that should have blocked me,

"You may be very powerful but not nearly as strong as me."

Who in the hell was this girl? I immediately got on the offensive, I sent several spells at her but none that could severely damage should one reach it's target. Her raw power sent chills down my spine as I kept my back against the invisible wall, I suddenly felt caged and my fighting instincts were about to kick into overdrive. I had to end this fast before I found myself completely at a loss of control, I sent a spell of my own device and it struck her, silencing her but only momentarily. Her shield dropped and I turned,

"You cannot out run her."

Her statement made me cringe as my mind frantically tried to piece everything together that had happened in the last two days, it was unusually fast even in my opinion. I broke into a full run as I headed back for the dungeons, somewhere along the way before her appearance I had landed myself upon the forth floor. Now I was floor from the dungeons when I was caught off guard by a slicing hex that tore into my shoulder, _damnit._ I turned in circles to see who might be lurking in the shadows, my instincts were screaming for me to run, telling me I was about to be in mortal danger if I didn't move now. I stupidly ignored it and realised my mistake but not in time as another slicing hex took my left leg out from underneath me, it had cut my tenden so deep that I collapsed to the floor. Now it was time to run.

I didn't think twice as I quickly disillusioned myself and ran for the dungeons, my mind was hazy with the massive amount of blood loss and the quickness of it. I made it to my chambers just in time to collapse upon the floor, I muttered spells beneath my breath as I clung to stay conscious. I managed to seal the wounds of both my shoulder and leg before feeling my head spin and my body begin to tingle, I had no more strength to fight to stay in the world of consciousness so I slumped to the floor with my face rested against the carpeting of my bed chamber room. The last thought I had before my vision went from clear to tunneling black to nothing was I knew I would hurt like hell when I awoke, if I was to wake...


	6. Dreams And Nightmares

**A/N: Chapter Six had been changed for the purposes of my next chapters, I am so sorry for the wait. My muse left me then struck me in the dead of night, hope you enjoy the rewrite.**

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Chapter 6: Dreams And Nightmares

My dreams had turned to nightmares while I slept in an unconscious state that I felt I wouldn't be able to wake from, the dreams were blissfully pleasant at first. I had appeared within one of my fondest memories and replayed it since I could not control it, it had been the dead of night when an owl came to my window bearing the letter I had only dreamed about. The letter for Hogwarts and it was specifically addressed to me and exactly where I was sitting, which happen to be on a very filthy bed seeing as we were broke and I had been raised in poverty. I had become too overwhilmed with excitement that I couldn't contain myself, it seemed that finally something was going right and that I was going to be able to leave the hell hole that I lived in. I was eleven and deathly pale and bone skinny, my cheek bones were more profound then they should of been and my hair was a rats nest of horrid tangles.

That dream faded with a mess of swirling of colors as it shifted to another, another memory that wasn't one of my favorites except for the end...

I was standing aside a bunch of other first years, I had already had an unpleasant meeting with a fifth year neamed Lucius Malfoy. He ranted on in a some what giddy but highly proud tone about being apart of one of the most infamous pure-blooded hourse in wizarding Britian, I merely shyed away from him hoping to just be forgotten but that wasn't the case. He had grabbed me by my over sized hand-me-down robes and started to humiliate me in front of everyone before boarding the boats, I would not lie, I was nearly on the verge of tears by this point.

We all stood huddled close together like packed sardines and I felt uncomfortable, I had no people skills and I was awkward, I knew this.

"Potter, James" The older witch held a long piece of parchment, her name Minerva, and why I remembered that I'll never know. She looked fairly young, maybe in her twenties or early thirties I wasn't sure but I couldn't help but stare at her, she was quite attractive. She had beartiful auburn hair that flowed down to the middle of her back and a perfect body, an hourglass figure and strong prominent jaw line. I had no idea why I fixated upon her but was glad I had or I was sure to fall into a million nervous pieces and that was until my name was called, I didn't hear it the first time and got shoved in the rib cage courteous of one Narcissa Lestrange, another student I quickly learned the name of whether I wanted to or not.

"Go up there." She had whispered in my ear rather viciously and it seemed to have worked, my body stiffened.

"Snape, Severus!" Minerva had called again and was now peering into the crowd of frightened first years, I was shoved forward by Narcissa and I groaned. I was physically shaking by this point, I was nervous, neausous and scared all in one rolled up tight knot in my gut. I thought I was going to be sick as I was now center stage for the entire school to judge silently, I remembered wondering if I was going to pass out but thankfully I hadn't. Minerva set a hat upon my head and I nearly toppled off of the stool when it spoke in a deep masculine voice,

"Hum...What do we have here? A smart one, clever, sneaky but sly in ability...Where to put you..." The wait was unbearable as my hands and fingers turned even more pale which was nearly impossible as I gripped the stool beneath me, my breath had hitched within my chest and I refused to exhale.

"Slytherin!" I relaxed almost instantly letting the breath out that was now painfully awaiting in my chest, the worst embarrassment had now passed as I walked over to the Slytherin table and took my seat in between two very tall and very ugly female upperclassmen.

My dreams now were slyly turning into a nightmare, my next memory was sure to prove that. Several broken memories flashed by in the same swirling colors as before except for specific pieces, one was of me meeting up with my only true friend Lily Evans who I had met the summer before coming to the school. We had been sitting underneath an over hanging tree near the black lake and was showing me her letters from home, I envied that her parents loved her when I had come from such a broken home. I remembered the look on her face when she realised her mistake and was quick to apologise to me, I just genuinely smiled at her and told her it was alright. I was not one to admit much, I rather liked keeping to myself but she knew better and stuffed the letters away while asking me how my classes were and how did I like being at the school. That scene disappeared into one where four boys were now cornering me by the same tree and trapping me.

"Aw what's pour little _Sev_ going to do without little Evans to protect him."

The main boy had ruffled brown hair and was named James, he, I knew was the leader of the little pathetic so called gang. During my first year I had no idea why the boy hated me but once we grew older it bacame all too clear, the revelation came to head during my fifth year when he had subjected me to my own spell and pulled my pants down for the school to see. I held a mild hatred for the boy and his friends but when that had happened and I had let slip the one thing that took my only friend from me, I vowed to make him pay.

Now the nightmares came.

I was standing atop a grassy hill with fits of gust blowing against the direction I faced, I had summoned him against every fiber, every will of my being and nature. A streak of white light met the fingers of my wand dominate hand causing them to flinch as my wand soared away from me, I dropped to my knees without hesitation as Albus approached me, his wand pointed directly at my throat. I did not fear him in that moment, I did not fear for my life but the life of whom I had condemed to death. I was wringing my hands as we exchanged words and then I felt his presence weigh down upon me with his next words full of contempted disgust, I flinched.

"You disgust me," I leaned back a bit as I feared I may have said the wrong things, "You do not care, then, about the deaths of her husband and child? They can die, as long as you have what you want?"

I looked up at him as his eyes flashed, a lump formed in my throat as I feared he would not listen to me any longer. Her life was in danger and I was beside myself that instead of offering to help me; which I could understand where he was coming from on _not_ trusting me, he was side stepping the issue by questioning me. I opened my mouth and choked on the lump in my throat, I couldn't seem to find my words as my voice alluded me, after a minute of silence I finally was able to say something despite knowing I was about to do something I never thought I would have to do.

"Hide them all, then. Keep her," I changed my wording immediately hoping Albus did not hear my mistake, "them safe. Please."

"And what will give me in return, Severus?"

"In-In return?" I stammered for a fraction of a second, I would have offered him my soul if it meant her safety and well being. "Anything."

The scene shifted then swirled as it changed again, there in front of me was Lily Evan's body. Her flesh matched the white coloring of the walls surrounding us, her emerald green eyes stared off into the distance and all vibrant color that was within her hair and lips was missing. My throat cracked painfully with the force of a sob I just couldn't seem to let out, where my calculative nature would have picked this scene apart in a heart beat there was nothing. My mind had shut down as I dropped to my knees then falling back upon my rear end, my hand shaking as I reached out to touch her. The world around me stilled and the only thing left was the odd whimpering choked sobs issuing from deep within my throat, hot tears rolled down my cheeks as I lowered the top half of my body toward her. I slid my arm beneath her shoulders and turned her cautiously over before trying to lift her toward me, the look upon her face crushed everything about me.

Every wrong I had ever done, every life I had taken I would have gladly time and time again traded for her to return. I was more than willing, able and ready to trade _my_ life for hers. I pressed her head close to my chest as I lightly took my hand and closed her eyes, the pain of everything started to suffocate me as I started to lose control of my grip upon reality. I rocked with her in my arms and the sound that came from my throat was hoarse, the sobs I had held back since I had learned of her death came rushing out of me with a vengence. I was breaking.

The graveyard vision blurred slightly with the nightmare in play and I felt both at once, the pain, the agony, the guilt and the remorse. Those words I told myself then were true, I wanted to die, I _should_ have died.

The nightmare faded and I was now sitting in a chair in Albus' office, my head hung low with my hair obscuring my tear stained face. My body shook from head to toe not caring that Albus stood over me, I hated myself more than anything. What Voldemort had done was nothing compared to what _I_ did, I fed that monster the one woman who had actually given a damn about me and defended me. I was as much to blame as the person who gave Voldemort her location, if only I had not heard the prophecy. If only I had not chosen the dark arts to be attracted to, if only I had not joined the Death Eaters. If only I had not...

The tears stung as my eyes filled with them again and a choked sob escaped my parted lips, I leaned further toward my knees as my hands death gripped the arms of the chair turning my already abnormally white knuckles even more ghostly white. I let it out, I let everything out or I would have been sure to completely snap and go mental. Her death was like her blood was on my hands, something I would not be able to wash away, something that would not and could not be healed by time. It was a scar upon my heart that would never close, never clear up and never let me forget. My lips parted,

"I thought...you were going...to keep her...safe...?" I managed to say between broken sobs, my voice coming out hauntingly dead as there was no emotion but remorse.

I had made Albus promise me that no one would ever know about what transpired within his office that night, not a living soul would ever know. No one would ever know that I had loved, lived, and cried for her. No one would ever know that despite the hatred I held for James Potter; which ran vein deep with me, I would quietly watch his son in sake of the boys mother. I had vowed after that night in Albus' office that no one would ever get as close as Lily had, to see my defenses and tear them down just as she had.

The next nightmare to follow was one I _wished_ I had oblivated from myself...

Halloween decorations floated about the castle as I stalked from Albus' office, the remorse I felt ignited a burning rage. I blasted a latern with a wave of my hand; wandless, and wordless. My magic was becoming unruly as I walked down into the passages of the dungeons, there wasn't a student in sight as the night was growing into the late hours. I barged into my office with the slamming of a door behind me as I made it to my bedroom chamber in record time, my rage was icy hot as it contradicted the remorse that flowed through me. I began to pace in my room as I threw my cloak toward the bed with a snap of my wrist, the rage was steadily building as the minutes passed. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed my reflection within my full length mirror that was attached to the wall, my rage flared when I looked at my reflection. I slowly went toward the mirror and instantly hated what I saw, I loathed and detested what stared back at me. My heartless tunneling black eyes stared back and in that moment I wanted hurt myself, maim my body and rip myself to shreds. I pulled my wand from my robes, the despair ran too deep and I felt that it would never release me.

This ends tonight.

If I felt fear, it was not evident. If I felt anything besides remorse and anger it was too afraid to make itself known as I raised my wand and pointed it at my reflection, I knew that the spell that I was going to cast would rebound and strike me. My eyes flashed with determination as I steadied my hand, my mind repeatedly saying one word while my rage escalated. My lips finally parted and I whispered the word that had been repeating in my head,

 _"Sectumsempra."_

I should have regretted what I had done as my flesh was ripped open, my cheek bled profusely as I just stared at myself. I lifted a shaky finger toward the wound and trailed it from under my ear to the bridge of my nose, I tasted the blood within my mouth as it bled and dripped from the end of my nose. My robes were tattered and shredded in the center of my chest exposing a long deep cut oozing blood both underneath and on top of my clothing, I was fascinated at the amount of blood that was coming from my body just with those two cuts. I healed the one on my face so that it would not scar but the one on my chest stayed open stinging with the air in the room, several smaller cuts exposed my bare skin upon my arms and legs through the wool fabric. I grew light headed and summoned blood replinshing potions from my stores as I lowered to my knees swaying lightly, I sealed my wounds quickly and drank four potions then fell back upon my back staring at my ceiling.


	7. Recollection

Chapter Seven: Recollection

I felt my body and instantly regreted wanting to wake up, though not by much. My body ached around my shoulder and down at my leg, reality hit me rather rudely as I shifted in the bed I was laying upon. I felt a thin sheet slide down from my shoulders but I didn't feel the coldness of the room, I was still rather warm due to a thick shirt. I cracked my heavily sleep riddled eyelids open and instantly hatred flared up, someone had brought me to the medical wing.

Someone was standing near the end of my bed and the beige curtain was pulled around the area surrounding my bed, I opened my eyes a bit more to see the medi-witch staring at me. I groaned as I tried to sit up further in bed, my right should protesting my actions and I cursed loudly grabbing the full attention of the medi-witch.

"It's nice to see you amongst the living Severus..." She paused as she stepped closer.

I ignored her as I sat competely up in the bed pushing the covers from my lap, I moved my right leg with ease over the edge of the bed but struggled to move my left. White bandages encased the lower part of my left leg and I could see spotting of red from where the wound was, I knew I had not been passed out long before someone had found me and brought me here. I got both feet on the cold floor realising I had no shoes on and my clothing was no where to be found, I summoned them under my breath and irritatingly waited for them to show up. A pair of black slacks soared through the opened doors first then followed by a white long sleeve dress shirt, both landing upon my lap with a soft thud making me cringe. My black dress shoes followed shortly behind landing softly upon the floor at my feet, my black socks curled up within the interior.

I stood up and fell back upon the bed as my leg refused to support my weight, I got back up shifting all of my weight upon my right leg then proceeded to dress with haste seeing as I refused to spend another minute in this place. I had hated hospitals since I had been young and it had nothing to do with the hospital itself and had everything to do with the fact that I had just too much pride to let anyone help me, in reality, I couldn't stand to let anyone near me. I had never had an image problem with myself seeing as no one ever got close enough to me for me to care save Lily but she had never seen me in that aspect, I was not boyfriend material for her, just a best friend. What she had done scared me more than the scars that were marked upon my flesh, most of the scars upon my back were from the lashings I earned from a drunken rage. The one on my neck that ran across my vocal chords was thanks to that blasted snake Voldemort had commanded to kill me, I was still unsure how I had survived but knew it had something to do with the trio I had done nothing but terrorize while they were in school. Not that they didn't do as much as I did to them but I still held a very quiet respect for Granger knowing she was the only one with the brains to actually be able to help when under pressure. I had never got to tell her my thanks because when I returned to the school she was gone along with everyone else I had taught, it felt awkward at first to be back within the walls of the place I had watched be blasted apart by war.

My thoughts had taken me so far from the present that I was unaware that I had fully dressed myself and Poppy was staring at me with a menacing look, I looked at her with a scowl.

"Is there something wrong Poppy?" I asked dryly as I looked away from her to finish buttoning up my shirt before straighteneing it and tucking it into my pants then fastening my black leather belt.

She stepped closer to me and examined me from head to toe before she pushed her index finger to her lip obviously thinking on what to say next, I leaned back upon my leg and went down upon my right knee. My teeth were clenched as I looked at the floor then stiffened when I felt her hands wrap gently around my right arm, my shoulder screamed in agony as my muscles lit with white hot stabs of pain. I fought my natural instinct to protect myself knowing she was only trying to help me up, she was one of the few who had never scorned me because of the way my body looked or for my dispositioned attitude. She said nothing as she helped me to my feet, I heaved a deep breath trying to regain my control and composure. Poppy finally spoke after several minutes of silence,

"Are you sure you can make it to your chambers Severus?"

I looked at her in disbelief, she knew me better than that but I also knew what she meant. My leg was refusing to let me stand on it and I was in no condition to try and make it from the fourth floor down to the dungeons, I looked away from her as I limped forward and relief swept over me when I managed the simple task and not falling to my knee once more. I turned toward her as curiousity flickered through my mind,

"Who brought me here?" I asked as I studied her apparence and her manner.

"Alexander did, he wouldn't tell me what had happened but that I was to say nothing about you being here."

Of course he did. I growled to myself making a mental note to curse him for being in my chambers and removing me from them, he did not know like the others that I detested having someone else care for me and it made this much more worse than just the fact that I had let my guard down enough to be attacked. If my pride could only be shut down so that I might actually be greatful to the man then I would but as it stands, my pride flared my anger and my disguest toward him. I felt my privacy had been wrongfully invaded and that I was no longer in control of myself and my outcomes, Voldemort had done this same thing to me and I hated it more than anything. He had made me do something that I could never atone for and now the time of retribution was coming, if I hated him then I wished now that I could bring him back from the dead and murder him in the most unhumanly way possible over and over again.

I nodded to Poppy silently thanking her for her kindness then limped toward the door that stood ajar, I could hear students roaming the hallways as I looked back for the slightest of moments. Poppy had gone back to her room and I turned back around and limped out into the hallway nearly running into two second years, when they noticed me and the look of pure loathing upon my face as I glared down my nose at them, they walked off in the opposite direction as quickly as possible. I noticed several older students wearing casual clothing and the front doors to the castle were open telling me that it must have been the weekend, as I limped toward the doors after slowly going down three flights of stairs and having to stop on one for several minutes, I noticed thick greying cloud coverage with the smell of a thunderstorm looming. I stopped at the doors and leaned against the opening seeing several students out on the grounds, I pulled my wand from my pocket and put it to my throat intensifing my voice as I spoke.

"All students on the grounds get back into the castle immediatley!"

Several heads nearby turned in my direction and they scurried up off of the ground and ran past me, heavy droplets of rain was beginning to litter the concrete that was not covered. Thunder exploded over head rocking the ground with tremors and a flash of lightning struck beyond the mountains to the south,

"Move now!" I hollared.

I lowered my wand satisfied when the remaining students bolted toward me and the door as the rain came down pelting against the concrete, I walked from the doorway and out into the rain. My hair instantly drenched with water as it clung to my face, I heard the doors close behind me but did not care as I looked out into the mountains. The rain drops upon my skin were bitter cold and soon I was drenched from head to toe, I limped over to the black late and found the over hanging tree that held both pleasant and horrid memories for me, I sat down beneath the limbs with some shifty manuvering.

I placed my left leg over my right and leaned back against the trees trunk while staring at the rippling within the lake from each drop of rain that touched the surface, my body relaxed considerably as I was transfixed upon the tiny rippling waves that streamed the surface. I closed my eyes and took deep steady breaths calming myself to perfect relaxation, I let my emotions slip away from me just as the water slipped from the leaves over head. My senses heightened as I could hear each drop of rain hit a blade of grass then glide its way to the soil below, the rythym of my heart became one with the drips of rain from the leaves of the tree. I remembered once again why this particular tree was my most favored spot and why I had endured so much beneath its bright green leaves, they were changing colors by this point in the year but the memories were still all the same.

It had been here when I had truly fallen in love with Lily, it had been here where I was subjected to the worst humiliation of my life and it also had been the one place that I was able to find absolute peace. Brewing potions relaxed me with the smells and alluring ways that my hands had to perform to complete a potion but to just sit and feel the years off stress wipe clean, it was a completely different feeling. It was tranquility.

I lifted my head to look at the sky, several rain drops hit my face sliding down the sides. The grey clouds were moving with purpose toward the north and I moved my trail of sight to that direction, I could see a series of lightning strikes hitting abnormally where I knew there was an open field. I only wondered for a moment why mother nature was acting so bazaar but that train of thought desolved as fast as the water on my face, I redirected my sight to the clouds above and became hypontized by the alluring beauty as they moved like smoke.

The part of me that should have been a professor was washed away by the boy I use to be, a boy without a care who sat in front of the black lake with Lily by his side, laughing about nothing and loving everything we could. Some days I would miss what I use to have but others it would fade behind the mask I worked so hard to construct, it took me years to realise that the love I held for Lily was nothing compared to who I had _really_ fallen in love with. I never thought that I would ever actually fall in love let alone let anyone near my defenses, I knew I was arrogant, cruel, awkward to the point of a dispositioned behavior and yet she saw through all of that and more. She had seen me for who I really was, the man I had been before joining the Death Eaters, before Lily's death and before every cruel thing that had ever been inflicted upon me at the hand of others. In some awkward sense I pitied myself for letting her slip away, for letting the only woman who could ever possibly love a man like me slip into the world and vanish.

The day was billiantly blue save the thunderstorm forming to the south and heading her way, it looked brutal by the way the clouds moved like whisps of smoke, dark and ominous. She could see the edge of the Grampian mountains and sighed in relief making her alpha friend look at her curiously, she looked to her left side and smiled softly stroking the alphas fur lightly. The alpha yawned with a slight howl that made the rest of the pack respond causing her to jump, she still wasn't use to _not_ being eaten by one of the creatures that followed their leader. She had some awful nightmares the following night after meeting said creatures and awoke shivering in a cold sweat, her nerves were still on edge around them.

"Soon..."

She trailed off as she stepped from the mountains edge and looked back, the alpha howled loudly as the rest followed suit wishing her a safe travel. She smiled widely and waved as she began her walk toward Inverary, she wished she still didn't have to go but her mission would not allow for a detour no matter what the cost. The fields between the Grampian mountains and Inverary were vast with lushous green grasses of different shades covered by fluffly piles of fleshly fallen white snow, she could imagen what flowers bloomed during the spring time once the snow was gone and before the heat set in for the summer. She started her journey keeping her eye on the thunderstorm in the distance, she could see several streaks of bright flashes of light splitting the grey skied horizon then actually felt the rumble of the thunder as it roared to life. She knew where the storm was looming over and a brief feeling of worry crossed her mind as she thought of him wondering if he was well and safe, she knew she shouldn't think this way but she couldn't help it. Nine years ago she had come so close to telling him how she really felt about him, how she didn't want to leave just to be with him but she was never able to tell him and left the school with a broken heart.

She chastised herself for thinking of that now, of thinking how she let the only man who had wiggled his way into her heart without her even knowing it until it was too late, walk away from her. She broke down as she sank to the ground, tears as hot as fire sliding from her eyes as her heart broke once more. She sat shaking from the sobs that couldn't escape her mouth as she refused to give into that side of her, her heart was screaming for her to turn around, to forget it all. She rubbed her hands up and down her arms as she rocked trying to calm herself but it was no use, the memories of her being but a child and him caring for her kept replaying within her shattered barriered mind, she couldn't stop it if she even tried. She lifted her head toward the sky and hoped to hell that she could pull this off or she would fall victim to her feelings once again, she couldn't go throught that again.

She calmed herself as more thunder roared from the distance and she looked up, if she timed it right she would reach Inverary before the storm hit but she needed to move and now. She stood wiping the dried tears from her face looking south, her face set with determination as she started her walk. The time of reconing was soon to come no matter how much her heart protested from what was to come, it all boiled down to revenge for her, revenge for what had happened.


	8. Passage To Tenebrae Praeteritum

Chapter Eight: The Passage to Tenebrae Praeteritum

The winds across the plains shifted from simple sweeps of soft air to harsh whipping gusts, the temperature had also dropped signifigantly making her thankful she had worn her fur jacket as she pulled the hood up over her head to shield her face. She had stopped just outside the town and was mildly suprised that Inverary reminded her so much of Hogsmead with building styles with only one exception, the dark arts loomed around the place like a bad omen.

The town was a mirage for what lay beneath it as she walked forward into the town of littered homes and tiny shops set about randomly, where she was heading was known only to few and those were the ones who ran it and her family. She walked down the silent gravel paved steets until she found a dilapitated house near the center of the town, she stepped closer to it to find what she was looking for. She threw termite infested planks of wood aside with the flick of her wrist while her brows knitted closely together, she could smell the years of neglect upon the wood and dirt. The look of the rubble told a sad story with the images of the roof falling in first followed by the four walls, she could see slintered pieces of what use to be the door as she stepped over it and further into the home.

She flicked her wrist once more and the center of floor cleared of all wood, dust and dirt that had gathered leaving what looked to appear as a trap door but no handle. She tapped her boot on it and was satsified when what was beneath sounded hollow, she flicked her wrist upward vanished the door to reveal a gapping black hole. She ready herself at the foot of the hole then lept into the hole falling fast, the tunnel went black and she felt a tingle as she past through a barrier that only her blood could penetrate. She then felt the sensation of flipping and landed roughly upon a brown bricked road, she had gone down to one knee with her other leg slayed to the side of her with her hand placed directly in front of her body. She looked up through thick locks of red hair and knew she had arrived where she needed to be; a black market of sorts, the magical town of Tenebrae Responsories.

She lifted herself from the ground and patted herself clean, an eerie gloom loomed over the town with buildings as dark as they come. A sense of dread thickened the air as she stepped forward vanishing her coat only to replace it with her dark green cloak pulling the hood over her head, the cloak itself had no sleeves and parted just below the shoulder. It was black on the outside and dark green underneath, she had mimiced it from a cloak she knew all to well and reminded her of him. She had always loved how his billowed out behind him when he walked and she just couldn't stop herself from copying it though she knew she shouldn't have, it was just a reminder of what she couldn't have.

Her feet had brought her to a building with what looked to be a dilaptated roof but she knew better, the sign was of a cauldron split in the top with silver letters reading _In Poculo Coquo_. She peered into the shop through the window and wondered if the shop owner was even home, against her better judgement she slowly opened the creaking door instantly stirring dust into the air choking her. She waved her hand while coughing and scourged the place clean causing a loud series of curses to come from the back and growing louder as the voice approached the front, she kept her hood up until the owner revealed himself. She lowered it slowly as she stepped forward,

"What have you done...you stupid girl-" He paused while actually looking at her, "Oh. Hello Clarisa."

She smirked at him then stepped up to the counter, she could stare him in the eyes. He was aging with a head full of white hair and lines creased into his face, his forehead smooth however as his thin colorless lips thinned. He lowered for a moment retreiving a box wrapped in paper thin brown wrapping with a string tied around it, he slid it toward her and eyed her with a brow raised.

"What ever you plan on doing, I am glad I am not the one you target."

"Is it all here? Everything I asked for?" She asked with a serious tone that made him raise the other brow.

"Of course Clarisa, just as you specified in your letter. You were lucky however, I did not have much of the one ingredient you so kindly asked me for. Be careful."

She laughed, "You should say _that_ to the one I plan on using this on."

She watched him press his finger to his lip as if afraid to say what was on his mind, he finally seemed to find enough courage to speak after a moment of silence.

"I do hope it's worth it. What you are going to do is boarderline illegal even in our world, may I ask, what did this person do to you to deserve such a fate you have planned?"

She glared at him but decided that he meant no harm by simply asking a question, she sighed as she made the box smaller and stuffed it into her pants pocket. She looked at the floor for a moment, he posed a good question, _what_ had _he done to deserve this?_ She thought and was silent for several moments before her memories kicked into gear and reminded her of why she was doing what she was doing, she looked back at the man through her hair while keeping her head still slightly down.

"Its what he _hasn't_ done that makes him deserving of this."

And with a final look at the owner she stalked to the door with her head held high and the cloak back over her head, she looked out into the street trying to remember where the inn was. She could hear thunder off in the distance but knew the storm could never reach where she was now, she walked down the street in the opposite direction she had originally come from and came upon an inn that looked disused but it mattered not to her. She opened the brownish-red door of the three story building and was suprised to find the inside spotless of age, it was dark and smelled and she could choke on the thickeness of the smoke from the candles that were littered about the room, floating about with nothing beneath them. She jumped when a gruff voice spoke to her from somewhere to her left,

"Need a room?"

She looked around and found a man sitting behind a counter, his face looked as if he had been ravaged by a wild animal and he smelled so strongly of alcohol that she couldn't help the bile that rose within her throat. She swallowed it down with a gulp then nodded to his answer, afraid to breathe too deeply in fear of vomitting. Since she had been little the smell of alcohol always seemed to bother her but it didn't intensify until she was at Hogwarts where she would have to return home every summer, her home was with her uncle who was a raging drunk who had a weird fixation on slaughting animals and skinning them. Granted, he would eat his kills but the smell of blood mixed with booze nauseated her. He handed her a key and pointed toward the stairs at the far end of the room,

"Room 23, come down for dinner when you are ready or call one of our house elves if you wish. Check out is..." She looked down at him when he had paused, "When ever you want, no one stays here. Not since..."

Her brows knitted with anger as she knew what he was talking about, the town she was in use to be vibrant with all walks of life within it. Bursting with an electrified sense of raw magic, darkness had yet to inherit it. She glared at him then walked away not caring that he was eyeing her, she had no time for sentimental pities as she walked up to her room. The floor boards squeaked beneath her boots and she thought for a second she might fall through one of them before making it to the second floor, once she got to the landing she lowered her hood only to whirl around.

"I thought right..."

The creepy man was standing feet from her as her red eyes glared into his brown eyes, he stood shorter than her but his stance was now threatening as he looked her up and down. She slammed him against the nearby wall with one hand on the center of his chest, he looked frightened now as she had quickly removed her wand from her sleeve and now had it pressed against his cheek.

"What. Do. You. Want." Her tone was laced with deadly acid as it slipped quietly from her lips.

"Noth-Nothing."

He stammered and she let him go replacing her wand back within her sleeve, she turned from him and walked to her room which was four doors from the stairs off to the right. She looked to the place she was just a second ago and the man had vanished, she shook her head and entered her door setting as many wards as she could think of upon the door, some of them having been learned from _him_. She made a mental note to thank him for all that she had learned, his knowledge contributed to her love for potions and art of being deceitful. In a sense, his knowledge was to be his undoing.

That night she had brewed a potion and was letting it simmer near the fireplace in her room as she sat upon the bed, its sheets of plain black fabric no heavier than her cloak that now lay askew on the floor near the foot of the bed, she was twirling her wand in between her fingers as a menacing look encased her eyes and face. Her thoughts had traveled to thoughts loathed. She growled then huffed in frustration as she fell back upon the bed staring up into the black canopy that covered the bed, it was magically dangling above the bed since there were no posts. She closed her eyes not realising that she was exhausted by the walks and dealing with the continous battle of thoughts, she would soon drift into a dream that was far from expected.

 _She sat in his class, he was young with soft raven black hair that encased his face and fell to his shoulders. He stood with defiance and a proudness that made her smile but not physically, she adored him. She watched as his hands glided a stir spoon with ease counter clockwise in a cauldron, he was a natrual and it trilled her to see this side of him._

 _The class had ended but he had called her to remain behind for a moment and waited until every student was out of the room before raising a hand and silently locking the door, he had come from around his desk and embraced her. His hand upon her soft hair while the other ensnared her waist, she shook as she sobbed into his shirt._

 _"Shhh..." He purred in her ear while holding her close to his chest, he was the only thing she had left to care about, he was the only one who still loved her..._

 _Her time as a student was almost over though she had already turned eighteen in January, she was unsure whether to tell him how she felt as she stood in front of his desk. He was looking at a stack of parchment upon his desk as if she was not there and until she spoke he had not looked up, the lines were deeper in his face now from so much pain._

 _"Yes." He said simply as he looked her in the eyes making her heart skip a beat, he had the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen._

 _"Severus..." She looked down knowing she was not to use his name but couldn't help it as she was conflicted._

 _A line appeared between his brows and she knew he was in deep thought because it always caused him to scowl, a slight bit of fear trickled into her stomach as his eyes met hers._

 _"You know better than to use my name, I am your professor, not your friend when we are in this classroom. Do I make myself clear, Miss Saverum?"_

 _She flinched at the sound of her surname being used, she hated it. She wanted to hear her name upon his lips and that feeling formed tears on the brims of her eyes as she sank to the floor in front of his desk, she couldn't bear it, she was at full war with herself. She knew it was inappropiate for a student to be with a teacher, though she was of age she still hated knowing it felt wrong to have the feelings she had for him._

 _"Clarisa..." His voice whispered in her ear._

 _She looked up to see him kneeling beside her with true concern reflecting within his eyes, she leaned toward him as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. She wrapped a hand around his neck and breathed deeply, he smelled of spices and herbs mixed with ink and parchment. She matched her breathing to his as she buried her face in his neck, she nuzzled it making him stiffen in reaction but he soon relaxed drawing her in closer to himself. She placed her hand on his cheek and lifted her face from his neck, her heart was thundering in her chest as she desparately wanted to kiss him. Her lips met his before she could stop herself and she closed her eyes wrapping her arms around his neck, he reciprocated and her heart fluttered. He brought her from the floor to her feet while never breaking the kiss but only to intensify it, she couldn't believe it, he was willing to have her. He broke the kiss only to whisper in her ear,_

 _"Eight o'clock, my chambers. Password is Wolfsbane."_


	9. The Familiar

**A/N: Thank you to those who are taking the time to read my story, it's my first. I'm working on a one-shot and another story , I'm hoping to post them soon enough. I've realised I forgot to put warnings and that was not intended, my deepest apologises.**

 **It means a great deal to me as an inspirating writing but I would truely appreciate feedback in either reviews or pm so that I may better improve myself. ALL reviews are welcome whether critical or eloquent, please do not hesitate.**

 **Again, thanks you. The readers is what keeps this going, and hopefully some more plots and stories form. Ideas are welcome.**

 **Disclaimer: Rowlings playground is not mine to claim, just the ideas I place within this story.**

 **~S~**

* * *

Chapter Nine: The Familiar

She had awoken in a foul mood, the closer she got to him the more she was unwillingly recalling memories that should have been locked away. She sat up shaking from the cold that shifted within the room, it was the middle of November and she sore it was December if she didn't know any better. She got up and quickly crossed to the bathroom turning on the shower and tapping it with her index finger, she needed a hot shower after yesterdays walk.

Steam floated effortlessly around the small bathroom as she stepped from the shower conjuring a long white fluffy towel to wrap around her body from the chest down, a knock and a womans voice called from the doorway to the bedroom. She held the towel with one hand as she walked to the door, she opened it just a crack to see a woman in a maids outfit.

"House keeping." The woman said sternly.

"No thank you."

The woman left while she closed the door relocking it with her wards, her body was still exhausted and she decided it wouldn't hurt to stay a few more days. He wasn't going anywhere. She conjured new clothing out of thin air knowing it came from her house which she had not been at nearing three months now, she held within her hand a black strapless laced dress that feel to the floor covering her feet as she pulled it over her legs. She smoothed the dress with her hands and it instantly started fitting her, closing in around her hips revealing her hour glass figure. It also tightened around her chest lifting her breasts while the lower section of the dress fanned out revealing a cut the ran up to the middle of her thigh on the left side of her, she slipped her feet into knee high black boots lacing them with another tap of her finger. She placed her cloak back upon her shoulders then swooped the dress to the side over her left thigh, a laced band hugged the middle of her thigh showing a hilt for her wand.

Down stairs in the lobby it was quiet with very few sitting at the long table that occupied the center of the gloomy room, she walked back over toward the counter from yesterday looking for the man once more. A young woman with raven black hair pulled into a ponytail walked over to her,

"May I help you?" Her tone was bitter giving away that she was not happy to be there.

"Yes, I need my same room for three more days, possibly more."

"Alright."

The woman confused her knowing she should have to pay for it but the woman wasn't even paying attention to her, instead she was wiping bar glasses clean and had a distant look within her eyes.

"How much?" She asked causing the woman to look at her perplexed.

"Miss. Saverum right?" She nodded, "You're mother was well known around here. You're stay is appreciated and does not cost a thing."

She looked at the girl and spoke before she could stop herself,

"What was she like? Larissa?"

"She was kind and gentle, there wasn't a soul that could find an ounce of reasoning to ever hate her. Or so we all thought..." The girl looked away from her.

"Do you know what happened to her? I was too young to remember everything?"

"I am sorry for your loss," The girl paused finally meeting her gaze, "but it is not my place. Especially when so many reports were inaccurate, your memories are your best bet on really knowing what happened that night long ago."

"Well thank you, er-" She paused feeling slightly stupid, "what is your name?"

"Savannah."

The girl walked off as she watched her, she missed her mother and father and she knew asking someone about them would open the old wounds and it did. She stalked back upstairs collapsing upon her bed and silencing the room then cried as hard as she could, she don't know why she did it but she had and now she was paying the price for it.

After lunch she had stayed within her room thumbing through a book from downstairs, its spine crinkled from constant use. She felt a little bit better from earlier but not by much, she was still sniffling and her eyes burned from crying so much. A pop somewhere in front of her made her look up from the book suprised, a little girl now stood before her, a mirror image of her younger self.

"Hello Clarisa."

"What do you have for me my familiar?"

"You can't even give me a name can you?" The girl stomped her foot impatiently.

"You can chose your name, that is why I did not name you." She said calmly. "Now. What news do you have for me." She asked.

"Well for starters, I have offically scared the one man who never shows any emotion. I broke into his mind with ease like you told me to and called forth the memories revolving around you, he stopped me before I could get to the one memory that would have broken him." The little girl paused, "I attacked him afterward to keep him on his-"

The familiar was silenced by a wave of Clarisa's hand,

"You did _what_?!" Clarisa's tone hardened with anger as she rose from the bed toward the familiar, "You were not to lay a hand on him, how bad was it? What in the hell did you do to him?!"

"I'm-I'm sorry..." Clarisa had her by one hand wrapped around her shirt, "I-I didn't know, he was just so easy-"

Clarisa tossed her to the floor and towered over the familiar, her eyes burning with the fury of hell itself.

"I will only ask one more time, what. Did. You. Do. To. Him?" Her tone was menacing as she lowered to the girl and picked her up to place her back upon her feet.

"I-I used a slicing hex, I-I got his shoul-shoulder and leg." The girl was studdering with fear now as she answered.

Clarisa turned away from her to face the bed with her arms crossed over her chest,

"How bad?"

"The-The shoulder was...just a scratch...his leg was-was deep, too deep. I-I cut the ten-don, I'm-I'm sorry."

"Go back and keep an eye on him, if something should happen to him by your hands...just pray I don't find you. Now go."

There was a pop then silence. Clarisa sank on the edge of the bed with her head within her shaking hands, she hated the fact that she still cared for him _that_ much. The dreams she was having now only intensified her feelings toward him, she was losing her will to keep to the mission. She, herself, was breaking.


	10. The Familiar And Alexander

Chapter Ten: The Familiar And Alexander

I stretched finally having the full use of my left leg granted back to me, it had been four days since the attack and my stubborness caused a delay in the healing process. I had fought against being on bed rest for a day and tried to walk only to tear open my wound again causing the delay, I also knew that my age played a part whether I wanted to admit it or not.

It was friday but I had no idea that the storm I had been fearing was now set in motion...

I looked around my room, it was five-thirty in the morning and yet again sleep has alluded me like I am the walking plague. I could feel the constant days of no sleep catching up with me though I would have thought by now my body would have been use to it seeing as it was a constant during my death eater days, my eyes hurt and were irritated by the slightest bit of dust or anything of the sorts. I was unaffected by the temperature change in my room as I was still fully dressed and had been sitting propped up in bed reading a tome, I walked over to my bathroom savoring the feeling of flipping the switch again but instantly regretted it as the bright light felt like it was buring my eyes from their sockets. I growled deeply as I quickly made it to my sink and looked at my reflection, my eyes were slightly bloodshot while the beginnings of dark rings appeared beneath my eyes.

I looked down turning the faucet on, I let the cold water run over my right hand as I held it beneath the stream. My eyes went unfocused as I stared at the stream momentarily forgetting where I was, it was soothing to forget that I was a professor, an ex death eater, a murderer and so much more.

 _"Severus, what is Hogwarts like?" Clarisa asked curiously as she looked up at me from her perch on the window seal._

 _I looked at Clarisa from my spot on the bed, she wasn't looking at me but instead out into the distance with her chin rested upon her hand. I sighed,_

 _"Well, there are lots of children you will get to meet, maybe make some friends. You will of course get to learn magic, fly on brooms and duel if you wish. It's like any other school except that it deals around magic."_

 _"What if I don't make any friends Severus, what if I'm all alone like I was before you saved me?"_

 _I felt a surge of guilt rise up with her question, I too had the same questions when I was her age. I got up from the bed and walked over to where she sat and placed a hand on her shoulder, she looked at me finally and I could see tears threatening to spill over the brims of her eyes._

 _"I'll always be here for you and will always be your friend if you need me to be, but be warned, while in class I am your professor and nothing more."_

 _"I know Sev."_

 _She leaned against me while wiping the tears from her eyes before speaking again,_

 _"Can I tell you something?"_

 _"Anything."_

 _"I remember some of that night five years ago, it comes to me in nightmares. I use to remember who it was but now I can't and I prefer it this way."_

 _My grip tightened on her shoulders for a brief moment before I relexed, I pulled her closer against my chest and sighed deeply. Her bright crimson eyes found mine and I smiled softely,_

 _"Sev, I miss my parents." Tears formed in her eyes._

My hand was at my mouth when I released my surroundings once agian, fear had restrengthened its grip upon me as I recalled the rest of the memory. She had nearly remembered all of that tragic night in front of me and I had spent the better part of that evening trying to calm her back down from her hysterical state, later that night I had fallen victim to the softer side of myself and broken down crying in my room where she could not hear me. What I had done twenty-two years ago was unforgivable in every sense, I had not known at the time what the consequences were going to be for my actions.

I turned the water off once splashing my face with the freezing water, my hair stood on end for a moment and I released the the stubble on my chin was now peach fuzz as I ran my hand across it. I conjured a shaving razor from my cabnet along with shaving cream, I looked into the mirror as I lathered the area of the fuzz from my chin to the bottoms of ears. I set to shaving my face with swift fluent strokes of my fingers upon the blade, its wooden handle perched within my three curled fingers of my right hand. I looked at my face once clearing it of the remaining shaving cream, I ran my hand across the smooth flesh then looked down with a heavy sigh. I vanished the blade and cream while grabbing one of my white hand towels from the wall where it hung on a brass looped handle, the plushy soft fabric felt soothing on my now sensitive face.

My gut began to tighten telling me that something was amiss, my head snapped toward my bed chamber as the fireplace roared to life, the tightening of my gut was now causing me to become slightly sick to my stomach. I walked over to the door frame and leaned upon it with my shoulder as casual as I could while my nerves and body were rattling my concious instincts, my fight or flight instincts were fighting with each other; one telling me to disappear completely off of the face of the planet while the other telling me to stand my ground, that she could not defeat me. The cocky side that I rarely induldge in was snickering in the back ground laughing at the fact that I might have actually considered the flight response, I pushed back that side of me ridiculing myself in the process.

"Severus, I need you in my office immediately and be careful."

Before I could ask him why he vanished from the green flames and I stepped forward, I paused before summoning my black travel cloak. I was going to heed his warning as my gut continued to scream at me that something was seriously wrong, I pulled my cloak on snapping the snake engraved silver clasp. I pulled the hood over my head allowing it to cover my face entirely, I pulled the cloak close to my body. I moved quickly to my door, through my office and out into the dungeon hallway.

I stalked through the hallways hidden within the shadows, my cloak serving well to hide me even better. I made it to the third floor before stopping, I saw the same little girl from earlier and she looked unsually upset. I watched her as she looked around then walked off, I quietly moved past her and up one more flight of stairs. I felt a slight gust of wind and my hood was torn from my head harshly, I whirled around with my wand exposed but before I could lay my eyes upon anything I was thrown against the wall knocking the air from my lungs. I crumpled to the floor but casted a silent and very effective shield charm, the next few spells bounced from it, one created a small crater just above my head.

"Stop this now!"

I looked to my right to see Alexander standing in front of the gargoyle statue, his brows were furrowed with anger and his wand was pointed straight ahead of him. I followed the line of sight to see the little girl and what I saw sent chills down my spin, she had a devilish grin upon her small lips as she held both hands up in a stance of surrender.

"Or what Alexander, you going to hurt me?" She taunted him.

I stood now that I had regained my bearings, my wand trained upon her also. A fight soon erupted and the fear that I had felt earlier released itself within my magic, making it stronger, quicker and more effective. I sent several stunner spells at the girl while dodging slicing hexes she was conjuring without a wand, I briefly wondered who or what the hell she was but had no time to linger on such thoughts as one of her spells hit its mark. My back stung to the exposure of air as I leaned forward, it was a bad mistake. I was struck again with a spell of hers which threw me once again into the wall, I slid down the wall on my side. My body ached as I looked at Alexander through my hair, he was fighting her off more effectively than I ever could have.

I blinked several times as the atmosphere began to emit a blue-ish tint and I swore I was going mad, the tint was steadily becoming pulsating ringlets of brighter blue and all of it was emitting from Alexander. I shook my head unknowingly grabbing the attention of the girl once again,

"You're still alive, hum, I don't care what my master says. I will kill you."

I looked at her as she walked over to me, I propped myself up on my elbow and waited for her to get close enough. When she stopped several feet from me I wordlessly blasted her backwards, I felt slightly prideful that I was able to catch her off guard. Alexander quickly walked over to me helping me upon my feet and we both looked to the girl, she had vanished. I stashed my wand back within my robes and turned on Alexander,

" _What_ in the hell is going on? Who the hell was that little girl? You have some explaining to do _Alexander_!"

Alexander placed his hands upon my chest as I was now in his face, I was fuming. My rage had boiled over in a record breaking two seconds causing me to not care that the man before me was well beyond fit and able to obliterate me if he wished, I didn't care, I was seeing red and felt murderous.

"Come with me now." His tone was so severe that it halt my anger and froze my blood, my gut had been right.

I followed him quietly while in my head I was hexing him left and right, picturing turning him into a slug or feeding him to a hippogriff. I felt an internal conflict beginning to brew and I had no urge to stop it as I sat down in one of Alexander's chairs, my back stung reminding me that I had not closed the wound yet. I healed it wordlessly as the conflict in my head roared to life,

 _She's a familiar, I figured that much out but there is no way she could belong to..._

 _Bingo._

 _What?_

 _You know who she belongs to. Plain and simple._

 _But it's not that simple is it?_

 _Nope._

 _Damnit..._

A headache formed around my temples as I looked at Alexander, he was looking at me with a worried expression. He was sitting behind his desk with his fingers twined together,

"Ask."

I sat up in the chair and looked him straight in the eyes, I did not want to read his mind but I wanted to catch signs of him lying to me.

"Who the hell was that?"

"You already know."

"That's not answering my question," I seethed slightly, "Ok fine. Why is she here?"

"That is a very good question to which I believe our little friend just answered with a deminstration out in the hallway just minutes ago, I also believe her exact words were 'I will kill you' were they not?"

I looked away from Alexander and growled to myself before answering, "Yes."

We sat in silence for what felt like hours but I knew better, I was deciding on how to ask my next question. I glanced at Alexander before returning my gaze to the floor,

"What are you?" I looked up at him for a reaction and when none come I continued, "When I first met you I could feel the raw energy from you and it was _not_ our kind of magical energy, and now I'm pretty sure I've either gone completely mental or there were pulsating ringlets of blue light coming from you."

Alexander placed one of his hands over his face as he looked down, he sighed quietly before responding to me in a hushed voice after he had done quick spell work to silence the office and cover the portraits. His eyes met mine rather cruely but I couldn't look away for the sake of curiousity,

"I knew eventually I would have to tell you, you are very brilliant Severus. That is why I chose you to come back, I needed you, I _need_ you." He paused for a second drawing me in even further, "I am not just a wizard as you pointed out some of the signs already, the blue light is a radiating effect of the alchemy that has been stored within my body for so long. I am an alchemist Severus, one of a few still left alive that I am aware of."

I looked at him and it was like a puzzle with missing pieces became whole finally, everything made sense. I felt extremely proud that I had called some of it right and that I was not out of my mind, at least not yet anyways. He caught my attention again,

"There is something you should know, Cla-"

His sentence was broken by an enormous explosion that rocked the very foundation of the castle, we looked at each other as the castle rocked again. I ran to the window ignoring Alexander and I felt my stomach turn violently, the shields surrounding the castle went from invisbly clear to clear with a tint of blue-ish purple to violet then red before shattering. Within a matter of those seconds I felt vulnerable, the worst I had felt yet. My instincts were fighting with my logical side as I stared at the still crumbling shields of the school while feeling even more foundation tremors,

 _She's here._

 _Run while you can._

 _I can't I need to stay to protect the students._

 _Are you daft? She is after you. You leave, they are safe._

 _I can't._

 _Why not?_

 _I can't._

 _Again. Why. Not?_

 _I just can't._

 _That's not an answer, why not?_

 _Because I deserve what is coming, is that good enough?_

 _Run._

 _No._

 _You're dead up here aren't you? Well, you're a dead man walking._

I looked at Alexander with curiousity before another tremor rocked the foundation once more, she was here and was trying to either lure me out or trying to get in herself.

"She's an alchemist isn't she?"


	11. The Truth Behind The Lies

Chapter Eleven: The Truth Behind Twenty-Two Years Of Lies

The wound upon my back had been sealed quietly as I looked at Alexander, he was looking into my eyes as if searching for something. I looked away from him for a moment knowing the answer to my question already, I had known there was something special about her when I had tried to kill her mother.

"I was there that night..." I said quietly as I looked to the side of me, I could feel Alexander's gaze upon me but I continued to speak before he could interrupt.

"I was there when her parents were killed." I couldn't bring myself to look in his eyes.

It was hard for me to admit that I had been the one to cause Clarisa so much pain, that I had been the one to leave her orphaned. I realised after that night when I couldn't bring myself to kill her that I had regretted that decision almost immediately, death would have been a better fate than what I gave her.

Alexander locked eyes with me and we both were drawn into the memory I had worked so hard to repress but in this instant, I needed him to know what had actually happened that night.

 _It had been just after seven when I locked eyes on the house upon the hill, it was cold but not winter chilly yet. I was feeling excited as I thought of what I needed to do for the Dark Lord, he had explained that the people I was to kill were traitors and deserved a swift death only because of their pure-blooded statue. It is why I was doing this alone and not with the other death eaters I had just joined, my task would not only please the Dark Lord but would also seal the ritual of joining within the ranks._

I could feel Alexander's presence, he was letting the memory run through without filtering it.

 _I was walking up toward the house with my cloak wrapped tightly around me and my hood drawn over my head concealing my face and identity, apprehension was stirring and making my stomach flip. I leaned up against the wall of the side of the house while pressing my ear to the wall, I could hear a man and a woman then my breath hitched, there was a child with them. My gut tightened and not in a good giddy feeling sort of way, for a spit second I began questioning what I was suppose to do. I was young and logic did not always win with me._

 _I scaled the wall toward the front as my gut tightened, something was wrong, it was telling me that this might not be as easy as I had anticipated. I came upon a window and took a chance to glance inside,_

The memory froze and I saw Alexander's mouth thin into a miserable frown, he could see my memory but could not know that I was beginning to piece together that he and the girl outside of the school might be related. My memory was focused upon the woman who sat at the table, he released the spot that was frozen and the memory continued.

 _I ducked back against the wall hoping that I was not seen, luckly there had been no pet to alert them to my presence. I found it curious that there was no warning system but I would soon be proven wrong as I slipped under the window and placed my hand upon the wooden door, a layer of my skin was peeled from my palm and I bit my tongue stopping myself from cursing out loud. I heard rustling inside and drew to my fullest heigth, it was now or never. I kicked the door open not knowing if the door would repel magic, I was faced with a man with dirty red hair and hazel colored eyes. I hesitated on attacking seeing the man before me defenseless, my wand was stowed away in my travel cloak as I looked the man up and down._

 _"Who are you and what are you doing here?" The man spoke with tremoring cofidence._

The memory froze again and I looked away from Alexander, his lips were parted as if he wanted to say something. I sighed,

"I figured it out Alexander," I looked back at him but it seemed he had not heard me, "You and Clarisa and her parents are related, I just haven't figured out in what way."

"Just look at me...please..." Alexander's tone was hauntingly distant.

I locked eyes with him again and the memory picked right back up, I straightened my back and rested upon the back of the chair.

 _I refused to speak as I stepped closer taking in my surroundings with cunning speed, the woman and the daughter were near the kitchen in a two room cabin. We were standing in the main room which housed the kitchen, living room and dining room in one tight space. The man stepped sideways to put himself between me and his family, my head snapped back to him._

 _"I will ask again, who are you and why are you here?"_

 _"I am here to be your judge, jury, and executioner. Who I am does not concern you, you will not be alive long enough to do anything about my identity."_

 _"Who sent you?"_

 _The man demanded only serving to piss me off, I withdrew my wand and pointed it straight at his chest. I went to open my mouth but was silenced by the woman chanting in a language I knew nothing of,_

 _"Silentium in hoc loco malo."_

 _I tried to speak but my voice had no sound, I reverted to my wordless magic and shot a slicing hex at her. She had deflected it but had lost the grip upon me with her spell, I quickly turned back to the man and raised my wand once more and before she could stop me, the killing curse slipped from my lips._

 _A piercing scream made me look toward the woman as she cried out but refused to move away from her daughter, her husband dropped to the ground with a resounding thud at my feet. I stepped over him with my wand now pointed at her, she pushed her daughter back and stood proudly as I stopped. She was quite tall for a woman, nearly standing as tall as me._

 _"Reveal yourself." She spoke as she raised her hand._

The memory didn't freeze this time but I saw Alexander's face twist with sorrow and a longing that I knew all too well, I began to wonder just what this woman meant to him.

 _My hood snapped back like someone had grabbed it and yanked it down from the top of my head, my hair was static riddled as I refused to break eye contact with her. I could not read her mind as I tried to get just a hint of what she was thinking or going to do, she had began to slightly scare me as we stared each other down for several long minutes._

Alexander's mouth twitched with a slight smirk before going back to a scowl, I suddenly felt a prick of anger toward him knowing what he was smirking about.

 _I removed my mask to let her see my identity, it mattered not because I knew I would have to kill her even if it was against my own morals. Her crimson colored eyes burned into mine as I lifted my wand, she was quicker however and had my wand from me with a simple lift of her hand. I knew right then that this was indeed going to be very difficult and I was proven right this time when she moved her hand to the left and I was thrown into the wall beside me, I called for my wand silently as my body went rigid. She walked closer to me and I could see the murder raging in her eyes, she was lifting her hand slowly and my body followed suit up the wall. I was a good foot off of the ground as she closed her hand into a fist, my throat was being constricted by the air around it. My wand flew to my hand with one last ditch effort to get it wordlessly, I pointed it toward her stomach and casted my spell._

Alexander's mouth twitched again and I wondered if _he_ just might try to kill me with what look I was seeing in his eyes, I broke eye contact once again as my mind quickly pieced his reactions together. The woman was either his sister or a woman he deeply cared about and couldn't have, I chastised myself knowing that was exactly what had happened to me with Lily and I'd hoped that it was not the same. Alexander had become what I never thought I could have, he had become a friend though I would never admit it out loud. I didn't want to continue the memory in sake for him, but I didn't have a choice as he asked me to continue.

 _The flesh over her stomach was sliced clean open spraying blood upon the entirety of my body, she released me as her hands flew to her stomach. I was distracted as her hands began to glow an angelic blue, I could hear the sizzling of skin but she wasn't burning her flesh, it was mending. She had staunched the blood flow and had nearly all of the wound closed when my fighting instincts kicked in telling me I needed to kill her before she killed me, I pointed my wand at her knowing I could not perform the curse without it and casted. The jet of green light did not travel far before making contact with her chest, her head immediately snapped up to look at me and my face drained of what little color; if any, it had left. The murderous look was still there and the spell had not worked, my entire body froze, my mind locked up and I couldn't move._

 _She stood up and walked up to me, our bodies only milimeters from each other. I could feel the tickle of her sweet breath on my cheek as I was frozen with fear, her hand pressed softly against my abdominal area. My eyes grew wide as a white hot pain shot through my body, I felt my skin, muscles and innards being shredded with something being pressed through my body and out of my backside. I tasted copped in my mouth as it quickly gathered and escaped past my lips to trail down to my chin and neck, the air in my lungs had been stolen from me as a whizzing gasping noise issued from my throat. I could feel my magic already trying to seal the wound but it was struggling against whatever the woman had done, she wasn't done yet._

 _She wrapped her hand around my throat and whispered in my ear,_

 _"You will not harm my daughter, you can do what you want with me but promise you will take care of her. I know why you are here, I have been expecting this for some time."_

 _She looked at me for a long pause then spoke again,_

 _"Promise me Severus, promise me that you will keep Clarisa safe no matter what happens. She will need you and I want you to promise that you will not let anything happen to her, do you promise?"_

 _I tired to speak as my brain tried to register that she knew my name when I had never introduced myself, I mouthed the word yes and nodded at the same time. She let go of my throat,_

 _"Say that you promise, it will become binding when you speak it."_

 _I didn't argue, I didn't think. My sense of honor prohibited me from saying no seeing as I had no intentions on harming the little girl, Voldemort knew nothing of her and I was not going to spill innocent blood._

 _"I promise to keep Clarisa safe no matter what happens, I promise to let nothing happen to her and that I will always be there when she needs me."_

 _I felt a sudden tingling sensation over the pain but it faded and I was left with my head spinning from blood loss and brief lack of oxygen, she let me go and withdrew what looked to be a long silver dagger from my stomach. I fell back against the wall holding my stomach then slid down to the floor, she kneeled in front of me as my vision swam._

 _"I'm sorry I had to do this to you, it's just in my nature. I should have just walked outside when I sensed you by the window, might have spared your injuries."_

 _I was confused as she pressed her hand back against my stomach after removing my hand, I let it fall to the floor as my strength was leaving me. Despite everything that had gone horribly wrong I couldn't help but find the beauty in her as she murmured incantations beneath her breath in the same language I had heard earlier, her crimson colored eyes were captivating and I wished to myself that I could have met her under different circumstances. I made a silent vow as I felt my body healing from what she was doing, I was never going to harm another woman unless absolutely nessessary._

 _"Are you feeling any better Severus?"_

 _I nodded. I was really starting to regret that I might have to kill her, I didn't want to now but if I didn't I would be killed by Voldemort._

 _"When you are ready, I will walk you out and you can do what you need to do. I just don't want it done in front of my daughter." She paused and I looked at her as my vision started to normalize, "Spells do not work on me as you probably have already noticed. You however do have one spell that does, use it again and aim for a vital, I would prefer a quick death but I know that your 'Dark Lord' likes it messy. So aim for my throat, its quick enough and bloody so that he will be satisfied."_

 _"I can't..." I whispered and it was true._

 _My body and mind were protesting any act of violence against the woman that was still kneeling in front of me, her hand had remained on my stomach and I could feel her soft skin against my cold flesh. Her skin was so much warmer than my own._

 _I stood but swayed slightly using the wall to regain my balance, I looked for Clarisa; her daughter, and found her sitting against the wall in the kitchen. Her demeanor puzzled me as she was not frightened or confident, she was passive as she merely looked at me. The woman drew my attention back to her,_

 _"Shall we go then?" She pointed to the door._

Alexander broke eye contact but I could not shut the memory down as I felt hot liquid brimming my eyes, my lips parted as a lump had formed in the throat. I had intentionally skipped a part of the memory and was thankful he had not caught on,

 _She walked over to her daughter bringing her over to where I rested against the wall, her daughter was staring at me but she was hesitant on approaching me. I tried to smile at her but was in too much pain to even curve the ends of my mouth, the woman brought her closer and started to speak to her._

 _"This is Severus, he is going to be taking care of you when I am gone."_

 _"But mommy where are you going? What happened to daddy?" Clarisa looked frightened as she hugged her mother tightly._

 _I felt a twinge of self hatred as I looked at her, she was so young for me to have to put her through this. The woman dragged my attention back to her,_

 _"Daddy is in a better place and soon I will be too," She paused and looked at me then grabbed my hand and Clarisa's hand._

 _She placed Clarisas into mine and I wrapped my fingers gingerly around her tiny hand, I could feel some of my strength coming back to me as I tried to shift to sit up from slouching against the wall. Clarisa stepped closer to me as I sighed in pain and relief as I managed to put my back completely flat against the wall, I could see the curiousity beginning to burn in her eyes as she looked at the flesh that was exposed on my stomach._

 _"It's rude to stare Clarisa," She placed a hand on my shoulder trying to show her daughter that she trusted me, "Now, you will be a good girl for him right?"_

 _"Yes mommy." Clarisa answered as she was getting as close as possible to me._

 _"Good. Now Severus and I need to go have a talk soon, I want you to stay inside and wait for him to come and get you," She turned Clarisa to face her and I could see the tears beginning to form, "You know I love you, I always will."_

Tears were now falling and I hid my face from Alexander, I knew I couldn't tell him the truth, not yet.


	12. The Memory

**A/N: Technical difficulties- please re-read this chapter as there have been changes made, I am and was not pleased with my own outcome hence the change. Apologise for forgetting to post last Thursday, I had been on a weekly scheldule until I ran out of chapters. I have 18 so far but now with changes more should present themselves with ease.**

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Chapter Twelve: The Memory

 _I had followed her outside into the chilled air of the night, she was humming a tune that relaxed my body subconsciously. She turned to face me once we were a safe distance from the house, a soft smile was gracing her pinkish lips._

 _"It is time Severus, do me the kindness of sparing Clarisa from seeing my body."_

 _"I can't..." I had spoken what my heart had been repeatedly telling me, "I can't kill you."_

 _She looked puzzled as she stepped closer, the gap between us becoming almost nothing. She placed her hands on the sides of my face and forced me to look at her,_

 _"You must," Her eyes flashed, "You have to or must I give you a reason to kill me?"_

 _"You did back in the house and I couldn't do it then either," I leaned away from her, "I would rather you kill me at this point."_

 _"That," I watched her materialize the same weapon as before, "Can be arranged."_

 _I stood with my wand in my hand as the mask slipped from my left hand and onto the ground, she had taken that as a challenge. I felt the same ripping sensation in my stomach once more but I had stopped the blade with my hands, both of my palms were ripped open, blood now oozing freely from all wounds. I turned my head and spit blood from my mouth before speaking,_

 _"I meant it when I said I would rather you kill me."_

 _I shifted my weight and pulled the blade closer toward me driving it further into my body, a stream of blood now coming from my mouth as I leaned forward. She had released the blade and I dropped to my knees, I finished pushing the blade through my stomach feeling it coming out my back side just as before. If I was going to keep true to my word then I needed to remove the blade so it would not staunch the bleeding._

 _I ripped the blade from my body and tossed it to her feet and fell onto my side, she was before me within seconds trying to heal me but I pushed her hand away. She fought me until I had no strength left and my vision went black, I could hear her telling me to hold on and I wondered why she cared so much. She should have known that more death eaters would come for her when I failed yet she had found trust in me enough to make me promise to care for Clarisa, I briefly wondered if Lily would have ever done that with me but knew better, she was long gone. She was happily married to that Potter boy and had announced that she was pregnant, those wounds were worse than the ones I had just inflicted upon myself._

Alexander brought me from my memory with a hand upon my shoulder, I had failed to notice that he had gotten up and was watching me for some time.

"You're hiding something but I will not ask, you will tell me when the time is right."

I looked back down, what could; how could I say that his sister was _not_ dead?

 _I opened my eyes to find myself lying upon a soft bed within the same home I had just been in, she was sitting next to me with a damp rag in her hand. I tried to move but my stomach prohibited me, she noticed and placed a gentle hand upon my bare chest, I noticed I was completely nude execpt for my boxers which were covered by the blankets._

 _"Rest, you've had a fever for two days now."_

 _"I need to speak with you about something."_

 _"What? That you don't want to kill me and would rather die again?" She rolled her eyes as she took the damp rag and dabbed it across my forehead, "Give it a rest Severus, I know what you are thinking."_

 _"And?" I snapped at her but shyed back when she glared at me._

 _"I'll agree to it as long as you keep my exsistance a secret from everyone, only when the time is right should you reveal your truest nature."_

 _"Agreed."_

 _I relaxed once more falling back into a finally peaceful fever riddled sleep..._

Alexander squeezed my shoulder and I looked up at him, he was looking toward the door causing me to stand up and see what he was looking at. There was nothing there but I could sense her raw energy radiating throughout the castle walls, she was trying to tear down the castles own built in defenses. I thought about her mother and I the vow I had made to her, she needed me now more than ever.

"Don't follow me Alexander." I looked at him before stepping forward then pausing with my hand upon the door handle, "I made a promise and I must keep it."

I was out of the door before he could respond, I put my back against the wood sighing. Clarisa was going to tear me apart and if she is anything like her mother, I wouldn't be able to stop her. I picked myself up from the door as the promise pulsated throughout me as if I was breaking it, I feared that I might have. I had.

I had broken the promise many of years ago when I left her with her bastard uncle who I knew was a raging alcoholic and abusive, but I had put a spell in place that as long as she was there she was safe. Nobody would be able to track her much less harm her, I had set her uncle straight but it did no good. When Clarisa was in school she would come crying to me telling me how her uncle hit her with his fist leaving welts upon her cheeks and other various body parts, I started teaching her how to defend herself without the use of magic. The abuse had gotten so bad that I had to retrieve her during one holiday season and take her straight to the medical wing, he had broken several of her ribs, her wrist and she was bruised pretty horridly. I had found out later that he had also violated her on several occasions, my blood was boiling when she had finally broke down and told me one night after coming into my office terrified.

That night had been the first cut, a cursed mark upon my upper arm.

As the school years went on I continued to recieve cursed cuts as the abuse continued for Clarisa and I knew at that point that she needed to get out of there, only when a gaping wound appeared on my thigh that nearly had me not walking for several days did I pull her from his home. I told her from then on that she was to stay at the castle during holiday breaks and could have my guest room as her own, she was thrilled when I had come to this decision.

I exited the staircase allowing the gargoyle to return to its perch, I walked forward and down the silent hallway. It was eerie to hear nothing especially when I knew there was a manic crazed woman lurking about, I had no idea if she had gotten within the walls or was waiting for me out side of them. Either way I was going to face her now, it was time to reveal my truest nature just as her mother had instructed, my life depended on her acceptance of the truth.

My stride had purpose as I made it quickly down several flights of stairs and to the entrance hall, students were still gathered and I had learned that classes had been cancelled for the day as all teachers were rebuilding the barriers around the school despite Clarisa still being within them. I sighed as I placed both hands upon the long oak front doors, I was silently asking the castle to let me and no one else through. The door under my left hand raddled open just enough for me to slip though and since I was unusually thin, it wasn't a very big opening.

The day was cloudly as I walked from the front steps, the wind had picked up to a strong gust. I looked around at the grounds and found what I was looking for, Clarisa. She stood beside the tree so familiar to me, I had gone temperarily numb as I strolled over to where she stood. She glanced at me as she was leaned against the tree with her shoulder, we stood in silence for several minutes before she sighed and spoke.

"What happened to us Severus?" She asked as she looked up into the sky.

I walked over to the same tree she was leaning upon and leaned against the backside with my back facing her, I crossed my arms over my chest and bent my knee at an angle with my foot also resting upon the tree. I looked down trying to keep myself from looking at her, she was still so beautiful after so many years.

"Do you remember Severus?" Clarisa lifted from the tree to turn and face me, "Do you remember it?"

"Clarify yourself," I sideways glanced at her through my hair, "You are making no sense."

She inched closer to me taking a hand and tucking my hair behind my ear, I should have slapped her away but my body refused. Her touch lingered on my skin causing the rest of my body to shiver, I had forgotten how inticing her touch had been.

"Severus," I turned my head in her direction making full eye contact, "That night. The night you killed my parents."

I straightened up off of the tree, her face had twisted with sorrow just as Alexander's had. My brows furrowed together as I studied her appearance, her wand was nowhere to be seen and I wondered why she had even come to the school if not to kill me.

"I remember..." I looked straight into her eyes; her mother's eyes, "When did you?"

Clarisa turned from me and looked at the Black lake, every fiber of my being wanted to reach out, to touch her, to hold her. This wasn't me. Clarisa was alway able to bring out a side of me that had long since been lost to my childhood, a side that was naive and compasionately stupid. Her hand was flexing as if she was restraining herself from grabbing her wand, when she had spoke, it was not of pain or vengence.

"Why Severus?"

I stayed silent as I looked away from her, I could feel the eyes of every student in the school upon us. I had not intended on meeting her here on school grounds but then again, I hadn't intended on meeting her at all. I took a quick glance at her but my eyes did not shift away, a gentle breeze swept through brushing her hair and making it flow slightly within it. Her pale milky white skin shown with a glow from the light of the sun, every feature on her screamed Larissa.

"You look exactly like her..." I trailed off never actually meaning for her to hear it.

Clarisa sprang to life before I could react, she had me by the throat and pinned up against the tree, her teeth showing. An ominous energy surrounded her, the very same as Alexander. I bared my teeth as a withdrew my wand and casted a wordless stinging hex on her hand, she withdrew cursing and rubbing her hand.

" _What_ did you just say?" Her voice was sweet venom as she glared at me no longer supporting her red hand.

"I _said_ , " I stepped toward her knowing I had the advantage in this twisted game she was playing, "You look _exactly_ like her."

"Like who?! Like my _mother_!" She slapped me, "The same woman you killed in cold blood!"

Clarisa raised her hand to slap me again but I stopped her by embracing her, my mind screamed at the stupid move but my body had ignored it. She was frozen, her hand still in the air. The look on her face was of pure shock and a hint of disgust,

"Wha-"

"I'm sorry." I whispered into her ear, "I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry about Larissa, I'm sorry for leaving you in a fate worse than death. I'm sorry..."

"Sev-No, you can't do this!" Clarisa pushed me away as the air around her crackled with magic, "You can't just expect me to forgive you _just_ because you say _I'm sorry_."

She tried for another slap on my already throbbing cheek but I silently blasted her backwards,

"Did you honestly think you would be able to lay your hand on me again," I stalked toward her as she started to get up off of the ground, "You may think you know me but you have no idea what I have had to live with for _twenty_ years, your parents were an accident, a way for me to seal the mark."

"I would have _never_ targeted them by my own choice," My wand poked her throat, "I would and will _never_ harm you on the oath I made to your mother. She entrusted _me_ with your care, it was because of me that you are alive."

" _YOU!_ " Clarisa started backing me up toward the tree once again and only stopped when my back it the tree trunk, "You think this is about you? You're funny, you know that."

"Oh really, do enlighten me of this new found fact you seem to have acquired."

Her wand appeared out of no where and I ducked and rolled away from her as she blasted a hole in the tree right where my chest had been, I silently shot a spell at her but it was unable to hit it's target as she vanished. She reappeared behind me and sliced my back open with my own spell, I growled as I whirled around.

"Is this what you _really_ want?"

"Yes."


	13. The Trap Ensnared

**A/N: So yeah, massive issues and hating my own plot line created this NEW chapter thirteen, apologise to those who read the other. Hope you enjoy this, I enjoyed writing it.**

 **Nothing is mine except for the creation of this story and Clarisa.**

 **~S~**

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Chapter Thirteen: The Trap Ensnared

"Is this what you truely want?"

"Yes."

My back bled and stung as we stared into each other's eyes, I found only hatred within hers at this present time. Her wand was pointed directly at my heart and vow threatened to rip me from the inside, either way I was screwed.

Clarisa struck first, her spell rebounding off my shield, she was not using her alchemy. Was she toying with me? I tried to aim a well placed stinging hex but was deflected easily, I cursed ever teaching her non-verbal magic. She caught me square in the chest with a very powerful blasting spell, sending me skidding upon my back nearly twenty feet away.

The gash upon my back now bleeding more prominent to which I murmured the counter curse while pointing my wand at my back, my second lapse was my downfall.

Clarisa charged me with a bombardment of spells, none meeting their marks but effectively causing me to flinch. I could not counter, only defend as she backed me away from the lake and into the open field where students usually play. Now was my chance.

I raised my wand and made an infinty symbol above my head, I weaved my wand creating more symbols, red enflamed joined the main symbol causing it to burn even brighter.

"Flagrare."

The entirety of my arm shook with the force of the spell, a red deviled fire erupted, scorching the very air around us. It circled and devoured everything in its path; this was no ordinary fiendfrye, this was my creation. An ultimate spell that even Albus had come to fear, it looked similar to what Voldemort could do when he faced off against Albus back in ninteen ninety-five, but this was worse; much worse. I motioned my wand toward her and the flames obliged, licking the ground, turning dust to ash in its wake as it swept toward her.

"You can not out run my fire, it knows it's target."

"Stop acting like it's alive, it's just a spell!" Clarisa hollared.

I watched soldemly as she turned and planted her feet firmly upon the ground, she raised both arms bringing them together then palms facing the oncoming flames. When flames met a blue wall she had erected, smoke cascaded for the heavens. My skin set aflame told me she had not effectively kept all the flames from her, I stared as patches of raw, bleeding flesh began to appear upon my arms. I dispersed the flames at once, Clarisa looked worse for wear when the smoke and flames cleared.

"Hehe, is that all you have?"

Taunting me, really? Brass is what she is being and I countered with a sharply aimed stunner. She collapsed and I took the moment to heal myself knowing all too well that my spell would not hold for long, I just happen to catch her in a moment of weakness.

"Did it hurt?!" She hollared and I froze. "Will it hurt when I do to you what you did to her?!"

"Larissa..." I whispered her name.

I straightened my features and aimed my wand, she had done the opposite, her wand now tucked back within her sleeve. I lowered my wand knowing what was to come, I could feel the raw power emitting from her. She thwarted me however,

"Fight me you coward! I want to savor your pleas for your life when I'm cutting into you."

I tossed my wand to the right of me and narrowed my eyes, I had one last trick to try before letting her end my life. She raged and a blast of her power hit me in the chest, my feet skidding upon the grass as I protected myself with a shield I had casted last moment. This served to piss her off more, a blade materialized within her hand and she charged. I was ready.

Blood rained down upon the grass behind me as the blade ran through my side, a devilish smirk crossed my lips.

"You foolish girl, did you really think that I was defeated so easily? Your mother chose me to protect you for a reason."

Clarisa froze and I wrenched the blade from her grasp and tore it from my side, my hand moving quickly to capture her air pipe. I squeezed knowing I was causing her pain, cursed marks began to maim my body as I continued my hold.

We were blasted part by an unknown force, Clarisa looked around wildly and I sensed even more danger. Roysel had managed to trick the castle into letting her out, her wand was raised and I feared the worst. I lunged for Clarisa just as she raised a hand,

"This is our fight, not hers!" I knocked her to the ground, landing on top.

"I have had just about enough of you." She growled then caught my throat.

She lifted me to my feet by my throat then tossed me as hard as she could away from her, I hit a nearby tree and slid down it. I watched as Clarisa turned her attention to Roysel, part of me hoped the little bitch got what she deserved but the other part of me screamed no. I knocked Clarisa sideways with non-verbal magic drawing her attention back to me.

I called my wand to me and stood, it was time. I traced ruins within the air in front of me, thick black smog burst from the tip of my wand and encased the field we stood in. I ran in the direction I could hear Roysel, I hated her but that did not mean she had to die.

"Go! She will kill us both, get back to the castle you stupid woman!"

Roysel vanished and I turned my attention to Clarisa, I chanted beneah my breath and her silhouette became sharp. I walked up behind her and waited, listening to her curse my name repeatedly. At the last moment a burst of her alchemy swept my darkness away like it was smoke.

"Got you."

Her hand vice gripped around my throat and she slammed me to the ground, I struggled to breathe. It had been a trap. She had pretended to be blinded by my spell in order for me to get close enough, I could not believe I had been so arrogant. The impudent witch had fooled me.

She tightened her grip upon me and my magic lashed out, I grabbed her arm with both of my hands and started to pry her from me. Spots of blood dripped down from her arm but most of her wounds were already either healing or gone, I wrenched her arm sideways and rolled away from her, springing to my feet as quickly as possible.

I was now pushed past my breaking point, no one had ever lain their hands on me and lived to tell about it save my father, and he wasn't worth the time of day. The anger flashed in my eyes and we stood, wind gentle upon us as the world did not exsist around us.

Everything in exsistence seemed to be holding baited breath.

My body tensed; like a rapid bolt of electricity passed through me, my eye sight wavering from hers.

"Do you feel it?" I looked back her after having lowered to my knees, "do you feel my magic within your veins?"

"When?" Is all I asked.

"The moment my sectumsepra hit you, I infused my magic within the spell. As we speak," She was now walking toward me and all I could do was flinch, "it runs through you, paralyzing you."

Clarisa had let me exhaust my strength, allowed me to injure her just so her magic would run its course through me. Damn her. I struggled to stand and once back upon my feet, I relished within the look that crossed her face. I chuckled darkly as I pointed my wand at her and casted a very strong disillusionig charm along with a blasting, I had to buy myself time. I tried to move and realised just how much her magic had really paralyzed me, I dropped to my left knee cursing, the disillusioning charm was useless if I couldn't get anywhere.

I retured to my feet; they being the only limbs to respond now, my wand falling from my limp fingers as I took a step forward. I could not believe how I had been out-smarter by her, I fell right into her trap. I made it halfway to the castle doors; having not realised the my spell had failed by this point, Clarisa was only feet from me when I went down completely.

"Took you long enough."


	14. The Potion's Effect

Chapter Fourteen:

I awoke to being immobilized, where my usual immediate action is to stretch, I am prohibited. I feel the instance of remembrance, my body aching woefully as it remembers the damage inflicted upon it. There is something else there, something that is within my body, my core, that is foreign. I feel like I am dreaming, the scenery around me is hazy and drunken with dizziness. I am weary, light-headed, and yet I am fully aware of myself.

"Are you awake yet?"

Her voice is a lullaby to me, it holds sweet vemon that is not allowing me to think straight. A soft hum comes from deep within my throat at her answer, it is strange, even to me.

"I see. It will take more time."

I hear her talking to herself, seeing her is a dreamy state of swirling colors, the red most prominate amongst the others. I am not aware of this state of being that I am in, I feel the need to touch her but again, I am reminded that I am immobilized by something. I want to say that I am drunk but I do not remember drinking since the prior night to the conflict, my head falls back over what feels to be the back of a chair. I want to shift my body, see if I can actually feel it, but there is something telling me not to do so. I feel hands rove my legs, see the crimson red of beautiful eyes meeting with mine, she is trying to straddle my legs.

"Can you hear me Severus?"

Her voice sends shivers through me, a deep hum escapes again as that is all I can do to react. I can barely register that she is pulling my flock overshirt away from my body, her hands sliding beneath it to my white dress shirt. I hear her say too many clothes beneath her breath and it brings forth a subtle chuckle from my parted lips, I feel the world shift and colors blur once more. My thoughts are in complete disarray, bouncing around like loose pingpong balls. My body is betraying me as she is divesting me of my clothes, I can feel everything with sharpened accuracy. The cold of the chair makes my wound smart in the most unpleasant of ways, it barely makes it my brain that she has yet to heal my wounds.

"You always did have a nice body, Severus."

The purring In my ear makes my body react further, I know she can feel it. Sharp clarity returns to me and I see her hands roving my bare chest, her eyes ablaze with something I had not expected, lust. She began her antics of one hand trailing my chest down to my stomach, then down to my trousers.

"Let go of me this instance Clar-"

Her other hand found my cheek rather inviting to slap, the sound hitting the barrier and revibrating throughout the room. It stung.

"Seems to be taking longer than expected with you."

"What in Merlin's name are you blabbing on about?!"

She places her hand over my mouth while narrowing her eyes, I move my head to try and bite her fingers but am instead slapped again by said hand.

"If you must know you persistant ass," her hand is now inside my trousers and I cannot help but tremble slightly when it rubs against my manhood, "I fed you potion of my own design when you were unconscious."

"And what? You intend to fuck me to death or something along those lines."

"Tempting as that sounds; seeing as I know what you truely like, no. I intend to break the man before me, I intend to hear you scream."

"I sezawa-"

"What?"

The wave of dizzying drunkness hits me again, a stupid grin plasters my face as I buck my hips against her lap. She reciprocates by gripping me and smirking, this is what she wanted. My hands are freed and so are my legs, I have no control as I pick her up onto my waist and get up from the chair. Our lips meet in a firery passion sort of way, my body has been craving this for sometime now. Whatever the mad woman has planned, it is put on hold when all of clothes vanish from my body, hers are gone as well. The potion is and will not be responsible for the way I feel as I carry her to the bedroom and lay her down gently, I have been in love with this crazy, firery goddess for a while.

The bed is soft as I crawl over her naked form beneath me, her skin is silken as my fingers trail her curves. Her body responds to my touch and I know she is no longer on control, I can't think straight, only act. My fingers continue and elicit reactions that drive my body even further, she remembers, her body remembers my touch.

I feel her heated core against the apex of my thigh, she is grinding against me as I nibble on her sweet spot at the crook of her neck. Her fingers are laced in my hair and pulling the strands, her mouth is making delicious sounds. I am merely acting on impulse and my brain is trying to catch up to process all that is happening, I capture her mouth with my own and feel a groan vibrate from deep within my throat. She smells and tastes succulent.

"Mhm, I think it's time to show you just how much I missed you."

My voice is huskey laced with lust and desire, I lean down over her body and allow her to wrap her arms around my neck. I kiss her again while my hand slips between us and spreads her legs, I bring my hand back up to clasp her wrist and place to above her head. Her body is withering to my touch, it brings back erotic memories that make way for an entertaining experience this time around.

I am back in control once more and stop, Clarisa is nearly panting beneath me with unhinging lust dancing in her eyes.

"What is it Severus? Is something wrong?" Her tone is heavily laced with a wanton fever.

"No. No..." I trail off. _'Might as well have some fun before I die.'_

* * *

Only after an agonizing hour of painful pleasure does my body refuse to listen to me, no longer obeying what should be warnings of exhaustion. I awaken from the dizziness one last time to find myself within my trousers and nothing more, my head hurts and so does every muscle I own. I am failing victim to whatever potion she devised, it is starting to create horrid hallucinations.

I realise that I am tied to the bed via solid metal chains; probably conjured by her, I am splayed for her to do as she wishes. I yank my arm only to have shoulder dislocated, _that was brilliant._ I want to scream at the pain that shoots through me, but I refuse to give satisfaction to her, not even an ounce.

The dizziness is ebbing as she reenters the room, I can see the mischievous glint in her eyes. I narrow my eyes at her only to receive a wicked grin from her, this will not go well for me.

"Now that we have reacquainted, the next phase of my potion should take effect shortly, hence why you are bound once more Severus."

"Let me go."

"Nope," Her fingers trail my legs as she steps closer, "Can't have you doing something stupid when I am clearly not done with you yet."

" _Clearly._ " I spat back.

That little bit of sarcasim cost me not only a slap but a mild stinging hex to my leg, I glared at her while she sat down beside my arm. I want to curse the day I made the promise to her mother.

The world as I know it turned to a swirl of colors moving so frequently that I lost my urge not to vomit, I can hear her voice but nothing more. The colors begin to fade and I hope that this is the end for me, that the black I am seeing, is the darkness waiting patiently for me.

"Severus."

The voice of Eileen Prince is drifting toward me.

"Severus, you will not disobey! Do you understand?"

I try to speak, my voice is gone. This is hell, I am in hell. His voice joins my mother's,

"You are a disgrace, no son of mine would even consider such a thing."

Oh how agonizingly wrong his was, Tobias never understood me, casted me out like a freak. I watched as the scene unfolded before my eyes.

 _"Eileen! Get in here now you wretched woman!" She cowers as she comes in, "Look! Look at what your son did!"_

 _I am but a babe in this, just enough to understand what my father is yelling about. I had accidently destroyed his favorite chair by setting it ablaze and then watching playfully as it burnt to ash, I am cowering just as much._

 _"You stupid-"_

 _He grabs me by my hair but mother stops him by grabbing his arm,_

 _"Stop he is but a toddler, he did not do it on purpose."_

 _"Get your hands off of me."_

 _I watched as he slaps mother, she falls to the ground and I try to reach for her. Tears. I watch the tears fall from her eyes as she trembles upon the floor, he has me now._

The scene changes.

 _"Mother." I am next to her as she sports a fresh cut upon her cheek, "mother , are you alright?"_

 _"Stupid boy..." She murmurs. "Leave. Leave this horrid house before he finds you too."_

 _"No. No I won't leave you!"_

 _How can she ask a ten year old to leave?_

 _"Mother?" I ask expectingly._

I am fighting whatever is in my system, I can't watch this, I won't. But it does not matter as the worse is yet to come,

 _The letter is in my hand, I am trembling where I stand. The charms classroom is nothing but dead silence as all eyes are upon me, my partner next to me has inched away._

 _'Dear Mister Severus Snape,_

 _I regrettably must inform you that Eileen Snape nee Prince has died as of yesterday, we 're truely sorry for you lose. Please note that you are her only living child and that now you have inherited the entirety of the Prince fortune, we are pleased that we will be able to work with you in the near future. Again, we are sorry for you lose._

 _Ministry of magic'_

 _Another note is sitting in front of me._

 _'Boy, your mother passed away yesterday.'_

 _No signature, nothing. The ungreatful bastard killed her and doesn't regret a thing, I will murder him._

The scene changes again and I can feel myself fighting, my arm throbbing.

 _"What do you have that I do not already have?"_

 _I do not lower my head, I am determined to be here . Voldemort is staring at me and through me at the same time._

 _"Lily please!" I am begging. "Please, I did not mean to call you-"_

 _"A what? Hmm, a mudblood. That is exactly what you meant, I hear you and your Death Eater friends-see you don't deny it-call people like me."_

 _"But, I would never-"_

 _"You already did!" She turns from me, "I cannot forgive you Severus."_

 _That stung. Voldemort filters through my mind again, seeing all the hatred I hold toward James Potter, he sneers._

 _"I see. It would seem you would like take revenge, I can help you but only if you promise to serve me without failure."_

 _"I will, my Lord."_

The scene absolves again and I am standing in Albus's office, I did not even have time to mourn what I had done. I had to fight this, Clarisa cannot know yet of the promise I made. I struggle as the scene of begging and promising Albus anything fades, to be replaced by raw remorse. I can feel tears as I watch myself fall apart before the man, I thought I had lost everything the moment Lily died, but I didn't.

An unimaginable pain rips throughout my body, I feel my throat tear from the scream I must be emitting. Pain replaces remorse and the tears vanish, my body feels as if it has been set ablaze while being submerged in ice. Every muscle and nerve is screaming for release from the unknown torment, my eyes have been closed for some time now. A peculiar sensation forms from within my stomach, it eases my pain only temporaryly before igniting even worse pain.

I don't know how long my eyes have been closed but when I opened them, there is nothing to be seen. Either physically I have passed out and am metephorically opening my eyes, or, I am blind.

When I am suddenly able to move my limbs, I know I am unconscious. Swirls of colors bring about memories of past, things I thought I had locked away, only to be opened by her. There are no voices, just images. I stand up from whatever I was laying upon and look around, my old bedroom. Years of dust are layering whilst the walls are peeling with decay, a tiny matress of sorts is the only thing in the room yet to be touched by time.

I run my hand along the vanity that sits broken against the side wall, mother never could part with the thing. The mirror is missing, no shards to even tell when it had shattered. I pick up an old English-style hair brush, the handle encased is silver. A smile graces my lips but is short lived, to think my mother only found happiness while sitting and brushing her hair, I had never questioned it when I was young.

I walk over to what I use to call a closet, looking at it now, it is but a hole in the wall covered by a disintegrating cloth of fabric. I reach to what is left and it turns to dust, leaving the gaping hole for me stare at. For so many years I hid within that hole, avoiding the rage of my father. My attention is drawn away by the faintest of female voice from somewhere else in the home, I look around once more and ease my way toward the door. What is left of the wood hangs by one hinge, the wood splintering in several places.

I walk passed the wreckage of the door and into the hallway, it is bare except for peeling wallpaper. A door stands halfway between my 'room' and the living area, it was always locked when I was a child. I walk up to it, my hand hesistant above the doorknob. It slowly opens and the whisper of music reaches my ears, the keys to a piano play a soft tune as my eyes befall a grand piano sitting in the center of the room. It looks out of place within the broken home, it's wooden surface unphased by time, the keys a dingy grey from accumulation of dust. The notes remain quiet and I look around, did mother ever play?

I press a key but no sound, I run my hand along the bench then sit down. A sensation fills me from head to shoulders and down to the tips of my fingers, as if someone is with me in the room. My fingers begin to move of their own accord; a melody that was not present only moments before, begins to play with every movement of my fingers. I am stunned into silence as I watch my fingers move as if I have doing this for years, the fluency rather compelling. I hear a different female voice and freeze,

'Its time for a change, it's time for me to rise, because time and time again I have tried'

'Its time to leave, to make a different home, its time for me to be on my own'

My mother's voice...

'Time and time again, here we go. A decadence of hatred only to be worn, a challenge, a fight, I'm so tired. But we must move on or shall we fall in misery, for only time can tell who is ready.'

Tears; unbeknownst to my eyes, begin to make small trails down my cheeks. I don't ever remember mother singing, not even when I was but an infant, she rarely ever spoke for that matter. But to hear her now, her voice full of pain, I can now understand why she did what she did. I knew my mother was miserable and that my birth was an accident, nothing more, yet I could sense that she had loved me more than anything. Yet, she practically took her own life when she had sealed her powers and handed me her wand, I could not stop her since I had to idea what she was doing until it was too late.

The day I lost her was the day I vowed revenge, the day I chose to join Voldmort the first chance I got. In hindsight, that had been the worst mistake of my life. Not only did it kill the woman I loved but indebted me to not one, but two masters. And worst of all, that bastard died before I could seek revenge. My mother's unmarked tomb laid beyond the walls, I know this as I look to the dust covered window.

The feminine voice calls again and my head snaps in the direction from which it comes, I have no desire to leave this room but the voice is knawing at my curiousity like a dog with a bone. If not my mother, than who?

Back into the hallway, I move slowly. The living room is before me and all I see is destruction, a once beautiful Victorian coffee table now is shattered and in pieces. The glass having vanished just like the mirrors, only leaving splinter wood pieces behind. The same arm chair I had disintegrated sits only half way burnt, the side table laying haphazardly next to it. Some part of me is expecting to find bodies, decay, and death, but no such thing happens. The room looks as if a twisted hit and then simply vanished into thin air, leaving behind complete and utter disarray in its wake.

I step carefully over the debris and pause near the entrance to the kitchen, the book cases that line two of the walls have been nearly emptied. That is not right, between mother and father; their unhealthy love for books; the cases should still be full. I shake my head and walk over to where one book is nearly falling from its perch, I run my hand over the tome and smile, I remember this particular book. I had spent many of nights sneaking it to my room to study it's contents, a very dark book in nature and I had found myself attracted to it, the voice calls again but a bit louder this time.

I instantly regret walking into the kitchen.


	15. The Other Side

**A/N: This chapter contains mild sexual content and may not suitable for young readers. This chapter is full of plot but if you must skip, only the beginning. Thanks you for reading and a special thanks to tonixx for adding my story to your follow. Enjoy.**

 **Nothing is mine save Clarisa and the plots of this story. ~S~**

* * *

Chapter fifteen: The Other Side

Oh she is ecstatic with joyous lust as he responds mindlessly to her antics, to have so much control over a human being; specially one very stubborn and nearly unbreakable, she is glowing with pride. It should have scared her to pieces when her clothes suddenly vanished, but she knew better, he has not survived two wars for nothing. The sinful look in his eyes sends an unwavering chill up her spin, from the base where his hands are positioned on her lower back, up to the hairs that edge her neck. She feels like a school girl getting into trouble.

His touch is sinful bliss upon her delicate skin, sending delicious tremors down to her core, which now is burning and calling for him to complete her. Her hands weave into his hair as his face is buried within her neck, her body aching feverishly for him. When his soft lips meet hers, it throws her into a whirlwind of desire, unlike anything she has ever felt. As she's climbing higher into the sensation of ecstasy, he stops suddenly causing her to nearly cry out.

"What is it Severus, is something wrong?" She can hear her own voice filled with the up most potent wanton her body and mind can produce.

"No. No..." He whispers back in his silken tone.

His lips send her once again into passions grip, her body craves his touch just as it did so many years ago. She can still remember what his bed chambers look like, even after all this time, a smirk consumes her lips despite his still connected to hers.

"Severus." She barely manages to say when he releases her mouth, only to dive for her sweet spot.

Had he remembered after all this time, had he remembered exactly what sets her off? She quickly lost her thoughts as he ventured lower upon her desire burning body, she was already beginning to reach her crest and cursed his precise fingers for making her do so. The potions effects crossed her mind vaguely but was soon lost beneath the crashing wave of euphoria, her body arching to the feeling of his fingers inside of her. It was tantalizing to watch him maneuver his fingers so delicately, as if he were preparing ingredients for a potion, hitting another one of her spots that caused her to cry out his name as she is thrown into bliss for the second time in mere minutes.

Time is not a factor anymore as she grips his neck with one hand while the other runs through his soft hair; which is now damp from little droplets of sweat beading at his hairline, his slow and agonizing rhythm is passion and tenderness to her. She had failed to realize just how much she has missed him, guilt slowly welds up just as another wave crashes over her. Maybe she can counteract the potion in time before... She shivers involuntarily at that thought. Something else sparks inside of her that causes her to grab at his face, she needs to suddenly know, a deep desire fills her as she looks deep into his black eyes.

"Do you love me Severus?" Her voice cracks with emotion.

"Yes."

His voice is husky with want, desire, passion she has missed for far too long. She quivers at his answer and he stops mid-stroke, his eyes conveying a silent question. She shakes her head and pulls him close, she refuses to let him see the tears that silently claim her face as she holds him to her. He pushes inside her again then stills, he brushes her tears away with his thumb then moves to kiss her on the lips again. He parts only to whisper in her ear,

"I have loved you since the day you walked out of my life."

There is so much emotion behind his statement and within his voice that her resolve shatters, everything she feared back then, the lies she told herself, they were just that, lies. He did and had loved her, for seven years she has fooled herself into thinking that he had used her for a one night stand. This realization crushes any hopes she has on revenge, not when she has always loved him too.

"Do-do you mean that Sev?" Her voice betraying her.

"Yes. Always."

She wraps her arms around his toned back and moans as he sinks into her, filling her completely. Her thoughts and fears are whisked away by pleasure as he deepens and increases his rhythm, she tightens around him hoping to feel him finally reach his climax. It does not take long with her new method and soon, he is spilling himself into her with a feral grunt coming from deep within his throat.

She watches as he rolls onto his back and closes his eyes, she waits with bated breath. After what seemed like an eternity, she prods him and he does not stir, a mild side-effect of the transference of effects from the potion; random unconsciousness. She shifts to the edge of the bed and non-verbally dresses herself, then turns to him and returns his trousers upon himself. She watches the steady rise and fall of his chest, hearing the softest of noises escape from between his parted lips.

An internal battle starts to wage and rage furiously within herself. The man that lays unconscious only inches from her, is the man she remembers before learning the truth. A truth she wishes in this very moment to never have exsisted. She turns to him and runs her fingers gently down his torso, his skin shuddering beneath her touch ever so slightly. To think that this same man; her nightmare and savior, is the very being who not only ripped her childhood apart at the seams but also is the very man who cared and loved her as if she were his flesh and blood, the nightmares surfacing. An unknown fury starts to boil within her and any thoughts pertaining to let him be, soon dissipate.

She stands suddenly, knowing he will wake soon, she must prepare for the next stage. She waves one hand in a circular motion, conjuring a silver hand restraint around his right wrist. She follows with another for his left wrist then waves her hand toward the headboard of the bed, thick silver chains form, connecting the restraints to the headboard. She chains his ankles in the same manner and smirks, he is splayed before her, in a completely vulnerable state. She runs her hand over his trousers before turning to leave the room, she has about five minutes before he regains himself to the world of the living.

She looks around the cabin she has grown familiar with, she can hear her beloved pet outside of the door, enclosed in a protective field from the blistering cold. She knows her friend will alert her to any living thing that approaches, a wicked glint takes her eyes as she thinks of someone coming to try and save him. But that is not possible, no one likes him for as long as she can remember. Her smirk frowns as she recalls a curious question she had placed upon him when she was younger.

 _"Sev?'_

 _"Yes Clarisa?" His voice is calm as he looks at her from over his cauldron._

 _"I-I don't see anyone coming near you," He moves toward her and kneels down in front of her, "Why is it no one comes around you?"_

 _"Clarisa, there are things you may not understand right now, but as for why I have no friends. I don't need any, I have you, and that is all I need.""_

 _"But that's not fair," He embraces her as she begins to cry, ' you d-deserve to have friends.'_

 _His fingers gently curves beneath her chin and brings her eyes to his,_

 _"I have done terrible, terrible things Clarisa. I do not deserve your sadness nor the privilege of friends._

Tears silently make trails down her face as she grips the counter with white knuckles, her heart is breaking in a new way for him. Who would come and rescue the bat of the dungeons? If she were truly honest with herself, it would be no one. No one cares, no one gives a damn about the man and that realization is starting to kill her inside. She wipes the tears away and straightens up, her sentiments for him is rivaled by the loathing she feels; and has felt, since she learned the truth. She turns when she hears a grunt of distress from within the bedroom, it is time for payback, despite how torn she is.

She sees his eyes are just opening and the wicked glint returns to her eyes, a devious smirk laying claim to her lips. She takes a step only to hear the definite pop of dislocation, his face gives her that answer as she sees his right arm now in an odd position.

"Now that we have reacquainted, the next phase of my potion should take effect shortly, hence why you are bound once again Severus."

"Let me go." His voice cracks with pain.

"Nope." She steps closer while running her fingers up his trousers, "Cant have you doing something stupid when I am clearly not done with you yet."

" _Clearly._ "

He spits venomous retort and soon she feels her magic flare, his trousers are ripped open with a perfect slice, his skin following suit. She ignores his wound to watch as his eyes nearly roll back into his skull, she sits down beside him. His body starts to tremble with slight convulsions occurring, she wonders what his nightmares contain.

"Severus..." She takes her index finger and traces it down his furrowed brow.

He jerks beneath her touch while his lips part, words escape causing her to lean toward him, her hand resting upon his now rapidly falling chest. He grunts in pain and she watches the flurry of emotions that crosses his face, whatever ailments his nightmares harbour, is causing him tremendous amounts of pain. Suddenly his head falls to one side then rapidly to the other, her nails rake his flesh, leaving little imprints behind.

"Severus." She calls with clarity as her hands grab the sides of his face in an effort to stop him.

She shrieks after about ten minutes when her arm; that is resting over his stomach, becomes saturated. Blood pools and streams down all sides, quickly staining the sheets beneath him.

"Severus!" She yells frantically this time, slapping His face with more force than intended.

There is still no response save the stiffening of his body beneath hers, she tries to vanish the blood only for it to reappear just as persistent as before. She waves her hand over the wound, calling forth her magic to heal, but the wound just sizzles and leaves cuts littering her fingers. Her breathing hitches as his turns shallow, his chest noticeably decreasing in strength and rhythm. He is dying and she knows it, she places both hands upon his stomach and the wound, calling her alchemy and praying that it will work. For she has only ever healed herself with her alchemy.

A blinding brilliant flash of electric blue courses through the room then settles to hover around her hands, she is whispering incantations while pressing solidly upon his bleeding body. His breathing is almost non-exsistant and her adrenaline is coursing a new record high for her, her incantations become more desperate as he stops breathing all together.

"I'm so sorry Severus, please." She paused to clean his wound again, "Please, I love you."

Tears are clouding her eyesight but she refuses to quit, pouring all of her strength into her alchemy, she finally notices that the wound is starting to heal. Right then and there, she regrets ever having any animosity for him. Damn the truth. She leans over his mouth to feel a slight wisp of air escape from his body, she relaxes considerable knowing at lease he is still alive. She collapses on top of his chest and sobs as exhaustion over comes her, his chest is gaining back a slight rhythm but not enough to warrant her dismissal. She picks her head up and calls for any blood replenishing potions she might own, two dark glass vials soar freely into her open palm. She knows this is not enough, but will make sure he does not slip away when she leaves later to fetch more potions.

The potions go down with the help of her massaging his throat, his nightmares have yet to cease causing her to bite her bottom lip. She needs to counteract the potion, problem is, she brewed it with no intentions on letting him leave alive. She can feel regret and remorse squeezing her heart, making it hard to even draw a breath. An idea pops into her animatedly and she leans over him, closing her eyes, she wills the mental connection once used before, she hopes that this will draw him out from death's door.

 _Blood is everywhere, one the walls, the floor and ceiling. She notices that she is a house, particularly a run-down kitchen. He is laying motionless on the floor next to what looks like another body, her stomach turns violently at the sight. If her curiousity had its way, she would want to see who other body belong to, but with so much of it caked in deep crimson, it would matter not._

 _She walks over to his still form and see the wound; much more surreal in this place, however something silver is buried and tucked beneath his limp arm. She kneels down, careful to not disturb anything, and gently lifts his arm. Immediately, she regrets doing so, for the pop of dislocation is even louder here. She does not put his arm back down, her other hand is now grasping a dagger's handle, one that looks oddly familiar. She does not know from where, but somewhere in her memories, the dagger is almost too familiar._

 _His lack of response scares her, she had just healed him, so why does he still have the wound? This is his nightmares, but to hang onto an injury...She pauses, looks down, and statrts to slowly, millimeter by millimeter, pull the dagger from his body. She expects for blood to pour from his wound, but there is none, just ripped flesh. He groans and catches her attention, her face is but inches from his when his eyes begin to open. They flutter then close, before reopening. Fear, she can taste it when his eyes lock with hers, her hand now gently resting upon his side._

 _"Severus?" She whispers._

 _"No." She is taken aback by his sudden movements, "No!"_

 _She reaches for him but all that is in his eyes is true and utter fear,_

 _"No. You can't be here." He looks around and she is terrified now, " "You can't be...if you are then I have ...failed."_

 _"What are you talking about Sev? What have you failed?" Her voice is tremoring with fear, matching that of his eyes as they fall upon her again._

 _"Why are you here?" His voice is detatched._

 _"I...I almost killed you...I think." His eyebrows shot up, "You started to bleed really badly from a wound I've never seen before. Do you know this?"_

 _She holds up the dagger for him to see, he quickly grabs it and brings it to his nose._

 _"How did you get this?" He looks slightly angry as his upper body leans toward her, "Clarisa...where?"_

 _'Um," She shrinks under his scrutiny, "It was embedded there." She points to his abdomen._

 _"You need to leave this place, leave before you are stuck here too."_

 _"No." She inches toward him and wraps her hands around his arm, "this isn't real Severus, this." Her hand waves over the scene before them, "this isn't real. I will not leave until you awaken."_

 _He turns from her and slips his arm from her grasp, his other hand shakingly reaches for the bloodied hand on the floor, she can see the sorrow etched into the lines of his worn face. It almost escapes her notice that there are tear tracks down his pale skin, when had he been crying? She looks at the body and it's shape; which was unknown to her when she first established the connection, becomes clear. A middle aged woman is lying before them, beaten and bloody, her skin paler than normal. She looks from him to the woman and back again, their resemblance uncanning. Jet black hair that is splayed about, the pale skin, chizzled jaw and high cheek bones are apparent upon the woman. This woman is his mother._

 _"Severus?" Her voice is shaking._

 _"Yes. She is my mother. My father killed her when I was in my fifth year at Hogwarts."_

 _"Oh." It's all she can say._

 _She reaches her hand out toward him and smiles softly when he looks her way; at her gesture, his head drops with defeat._

 _"Severus," He looks back up, "Come . It's time to wake up.'_


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Another addition. Thank you to those who follow, this chapter is shorter than I anticipated but alas, here it is. Hang on to your seats cause the fun is just beginning. And one last thanks so all the comments, any questions and concerns I will try to answer without spoiling the story.**

Chapter Sixteen: Confrontation

"How!" His voice consumes the entire room.

Clarisa tenses slightly but refuses to look away, his fists are in balls as she hears his nails scrap the ground. His body is shaking while he plainly refuses to meet her eyes, she can see his jaw muscle clenching and releasing. She wants to reach; her hand moving without consent, she is nearly thrown backwards when he whirls around. Raw magic and an unspoken fury burn,

"How?! How am I-we suppose to escape?" His voice is full with discontented rage, "I know this potion. I have brewed this exact potion. There is _no_ escape, no living once this fully envelopes the system of the victim."

"Sev-"

"No!" She jumps at the ferocity in his voice, "you'll get what you wish for soon enough. I will cease to breathe here shortly. Leave while you can..."

His back is now turned to her, "and...Leave me alone."

So much emotion pools from his words, she knows something isn't right. If he really felt this way; truly, wouldn't he _want_ her to stay? It makes no sense as she stares at the man before her, a broken man in every sense of the word. His body is betraying him, his shoulders sag and the menacing look has evaporated, he is spilling defeat, in every way. Her heart clenches and causes her to look at his mother, words leave her lips, but so deadly quiet that she is sure she never speaks them to begin with.

"Excuse me? Repeat that."

She is startled when she looks up, he has turned and now his eyes are burning holes into her very being, she gulps. His hands are inches from hers and suddenly fear sweeps over her, can she be hurt here? Physically?

"I-I said," she swallows a lump that somehow formed, "I did not add the powered roots."

He snorts, but his demeanor does not change.

"The main ingredient, somehow...I do not believe you."

"I wanted to kill you." Shame washes over her as she looks down, missing his momentarily widening eyes. "I had every intention, until...you..."

"Nearly died, right?" Who are you fooling?" His defeated state returns, "You think it is that simple to stop hating someone, especially when your goal is to kill me. Wouldn't my untimely death have just been easier? Instead you are in here , torturing me and then you plan to kill me once I wake."

"No..." She whispers, tears are welling up.

"No what! That none of that is true? You don't just stop hating someone overnight, trust me, I know."

"Youre wrong."

"Really?" His voice his challenging as he leans towards her, "this is _my_ nightmare, kill me here, let's see if you can."

She is frozen in spot, the look in his eyes paralyze her with a fear she has never felt. It is so strong that her body falls to the floor, His laugh is hauntingly horrifying.

"What, you giving up already. Are you that scared?"

"No."

"What, I don't think I heard you. Get up! Face the demons you brought forth, face my past, what I truly am...Will you love me then?"

"Yes..."

She struggles, her body shaking from head to toe. She lifts her head to see him inches from her, yet his voice sounds as if he is halfway across the room. Her bottom lip quviers but she is able to lift herself, before she can come up completely, he roughly grabs her.

"Are you ready?" He sneers.

Her breathing hitches, she sees at least a hundred figures, clad in black from top to bottom, all surrounding a semi-attractive man. She watches as a multitude of women enter the place and begin hanging on the figures; men she realises, she watches horrified as the black figures disrobe. Dozens of men are naked; some women who were in the mix are now also. She watches, unable to pry her eyes away, as the live sex show begins to unfold. Her heart nearly stops when the man in the center speaks,

"Severus, I have saved one specially for you. Why not welcome her."

One of the few remaining figures stepped forward and just as it had, the hood lowered. She looked from the real thing beside her to the much younger version, long black hair still prominent.

"Thank you my Lord."

She glances beside her and notices he is no longer watching, he is gazing at her. Judging her reactions, she tears away from his grasp that has yet to leave her arm. The scene shifts and he grabs for her again, this time with both hands.

She feels him get directly behind her, his body pressing against hers, prohibiting any chance for release or escape. Her eyes are soon transfixed upon the newly developed scene, a house upon a hill and a mailbox with her last name on it. The scene is heartpounding as she walks with him up to the side of the house, he looks into the window. She sees her parents and that's all it takes, her body is numb. She falls against him and he embraces her from behind,

"This is what I relive the most." His voice is barely above a whisper but she can hear it plain as day none-the-less. "I remember every painful detail in vivid clarity now, thanks to you. The look on your face, the look on your father's and your mother..."

She wants to move, to slap him, but her body is useless. He continues,

"Your mother was like nothing I had ever seen, the same flowing fire red hair and crimson colored eyes, you inherited straight from her. I must confess something to you but first...we must awaken."

She could do nothing but close her eyes, breaking the connection between him and her.

* * *

Weeping is the only thing I hear as I become conscious of my surroundings and body, pain enveloping my stomach and arm immediately. I groan without hesitation knowing why I had come from my nightmares, guess I owe her an apology for not believing her about the roots, I would not have my life otherwise. I don't want to open my eyes and face a reality I wished I had not been thrust into, to tell her of the story may jeopardize the vow and forfeit my life likewise. But, I didn't want to keep my eyes closed either, for the nightmares were now awaken. No occulumency to protect and my mental barriers destroyed to dust. Either way, I'll relive my he'll.

I fail to notice that my groan had ceased the weeping, her soft hand is on my chest and I can hear still silently weeping. I try to move my arms but one is completely numb and disobedient, a sharp pain has a hoarse cry escaping my throat before I can stop it. I slowly open my eyes to find red ones staring at my right arm, her other hand that is not upon me is now lifting toward it. Her fingers barely graze it when another sharp stab hits, I flinch in hopes she does not touch it again.

"I would not try to move that arm, you've dislocated it and torn several tendons during your induced sleep, any more strain, and it will likely break."

I look and notice it is in an odd position, I study it then choose to ignore it for now, opting to try and sit up using my left arm. Another bout of pain riddles me from my abdominal area and I instantly know where I felt this sort of pain before, I look at her and raise on eyebrow.

"Youre the first I've ever healed using my alchemy, I couldn't get the bleeding of you stomach to stop any other way."

I groan and lay my head back upon the pillow, I am mildly suprised she has yet to figure any connection between my wound and her need to use alchemy just to heal it. Larissa will be the death of me yet.

The silence between us is deafing and I am appreciative of it, I stare into the black canopy that is above, the memory of that night playing once more. The more times I see it, the more times I realise I had made the right decision. That fateful night, my almost death, and her. I glance at Clarisa, I remember so clearly now, the look upon her five year old face. How it held no fear, no worry, no struggle, just pure curiousity. She had not been afraid of me until I turned on her mother, then curiousity came back as she looked deeply into my eyes.

I groan again but manage to sit myself up, Clarisa is not looking at me anymore. I have failed to notice a snarling growl from somewhere nearby, my body tenses.

"My wand, where is-"

Before I can finish, it appears in front of me, she never even looks back. I take it and we both move to get up, her quicker than I. I stumble and catch the bedpost, stabilizing myself.

"Stay here, you are in no condition to fight."

"Dont be-"

"Stay here!" She roars.

Her voice is no longer sweetly innocent and I stare at her in disbelief, her tone has effectively shut me up as I watch her leave the room. I can not let her do this on her own, though I have no idea what is making that sound, every fiber of my being is screaming that something very dangerous is nearby. I hear the snarling again except there is howling coming along with the snarling this time. Clarisa comes rushing back into the room and nearly knocks me over. My arms or one at least, instinctively wraps around her when a loud banging starts against the door.

The snarling stops causing Clarisa to tense, she tries to pull from me but even without the use of my right arm, I pin her to me. Her face twists with a painful sorrow that makes even my heart cringe, tears are suddenly streaming down her face as she continues to fight against my hold. Her entire body is shaking with tremors and the force of her sobs, whatever was snarling, whatever beast was out there, she knew of it. I bare my teeth and hiss through them, this is the worse possible moment for my body to react to the pain, my grip faulters.

"Dont be ridiculous."

"I have to see...I have to know..."

The scene is in slow motion as I reach to grab her, my knees buckling and black dots dance before my eyes. She disappears from sight as my knees collide with the wooden flooring, my hands catching the upper half of my body, my breathing is ragged now.

I hear a deafening boom and the splintering of wood and it's as if time speeds up in this same instance, I look up despite my vision being blurry. I can see the silhouette of her as she stands guarding the bedroom, she's trying to protect me, but from what. I soon get my answer,

"Where's the piece of filth your hiding?"

The girlish voice makes my leg and shoulder shutter, it's the same little girl who had attacked me. I crawl forward, unable to stand, and make it to the wall beside the door, my wand pointing toward the voice I hate suddenly.

"You are _my_ familiar! Cease or I will kill you!"

My vision comes back temporarily and I risk looking into the other room, the young girl is by the door but its her appearance that stuns me. Her red hair is whipping out and she no longer looks little, her true form stands. A young woman with red hair and icy blue eyes, her face shape is identical to Clarisas. I am frozen to my spot as she looks my way, a nasty grin plays her lips.

"There you are, you piece of filth." She turns to Clarisa and waves her hand in a languid fashion, " protecting that garbage will only prolong his death you know."

"Shut up!"

"Oh, did I strike a nerve? Oh my," the grin on her face widens at her new found revelation, "you love him don't you?"

Clarisa does not respond, I watch as she raises her hands; no wand present, and begins to call forth all of the debris within the room. The mass that is swirling about strikes my face and brings me from my froze state, I aim my wand and silently cast a disillusioning charm on Clarisa. A hand suddenly appears around my neck, cutting off my windpipe.

"Why you-"

As quickly as she had grab me, she is ripped from me by an invisible force. Thrown across the cabin to stay suspended in air as the debris closes in around her, I watch in horror as several pieces of wood splinter then rip through the girls body, exiting and reforming with the rest of the mass. Clarisa breaks my charm and is standing inches from where I sit, I look up, the black dots returning. I can make out the smile she is giving me before she redirects her attention to the bloodied girl still floating in the air, more splinters find their mark and soon the room is caked in blood.

"I told you that I would kill you, you will never lay a hand upon him so long as I live!"

"Y-you stu-pid girl..."

Clarisa envelopes the girls body with the mass and a bright blinding electric blue light blinds me, I look away. The black dots are not ceasing this time. I move to stand, slowly scaling the wall, my left hand looking for anything to grab a hold of. I take a step and then another, then another, sweat begins to bead at my hair line. I can not be this weak, not now, not if that thing could find us so easily. I straighten though I can not see well, my head is swirling and I immediately register it with unconsciousness, it's starting to ebb it's way upon me. I trust my other senses to lead me, I can hear Clarisa breathing deeply with exertion. The black dots are becoming bigger as I stumble, my hand reaching out.

"Severus!"

Her voice sounds as if she screaming my name but I know she is not, my body is becoming increasingly weaker by the moment as I am lowered toward the ground by soft hands wrapped around my waist and left arm. She is speaking softly to me then I hear incantations of sommoning, my mind is hazy as I try to figure out what and why she is summoning something. I feel two of her delicate fingers slip between my lips to open my mouth, putrid liquid burns my throat as her other hand massages my throat. I can swallow, but the contact is so much more soothing and welcoming. Another vial goes down and then a third, and a forth before she murmurs the rennevate spell. My eyes snap open on command, her brilliant eyes are fixed upon mine, I watch her visibly relax.

"That was too close." A truly warm smile lights up her face.

We both look behind her to see the body vanish, the room looking no better than before. I raise my wand and vanish the mess, I realise that my head is resting upon her lap and that her fingers are gently going through my hair. Where I should feel some type of comfort, I do not. I am now beyond measurably paranoid, my senses heightened and every foreign sound is making my body flinch.

"No sounds..."


	17. Friend Or Foe

**A/N: Dear readers, please don't kill me. Three long and horribly shitty months I have yet to post, I am sorry for that. As for this story, a conclusion is coming but it will not be the end. There will be a sequel for those that are interested, so without furthur ado (and one more apology on the ungodly short chapter), I give you Friend or Foe..you find the double meaning my readers and I'll write the winner a one-shot short story of their choice. Happy hunting and reading and thanks to all my followers, love having your support, means the world to me.**

 **~S~**

* * *

Chapter Seventeen: Friend or Foe

I hold Clarisa beneath me after having flipped the kitchen table on its side, my wand is vibrating to the surge in power that has spiked recently. The entire cabin is shaking on its foundation, everything inside, around us, is crashing to the floor. She is shivering beneath me and has her hands to the sides of her head, something is very amiss. My eyes are glued to the door, something or someone is just beyond our vision.

The silence around us is deafening, the hum of raw magic is growing louder. Clarisa is still huddled beneath me but when a whimpered whine comes from the doorway, she bolts from behind the table. A beautiful yet very badly wounded creature limps through the doorway, I watch as Clarisa catches the beast and lays it down upon her lap, granted, only the head. I am in too much shock to voice what my brain is screaming, a living, breathing, Anthra is in the same room as us and _not_ trying to murder and eat us. What's more frightening is the fact that said creature is suppose to be mythical, a child's and travels tale to keep strays from wondering where they don't belong. I blink rapidly hoping to Merlin that I am hallucinating, that I've lost too much blood and am merely imagining mythical things.

Reality slaps me harshly as I hear Clarisa starting to cry, my instincts kick in and I rush over despite still being overly paranoid. I instantly notice the labored breathing of the animal, something is pulling at me, to save this poor creature. I trail my wand over it and pause, I can feel her intense gaze upon me.

"Sev... Can you save her?" She hiccups afterwards.

I look at her and her facial expression alone breaks the hardened exterior of ice, my heart clenchs and jumps into my throat, making my mouth immediately to dry to swallow. I look back at the animal and cast simple healing spells, not knowing what is particularly wrong, I am being cautious. I am never one for idle chitchat but seeing as Clarisa was falling apart at the seams, I posed to take her mind away while I continue.

"What is her name?" I get an odd expression in response and I quickly interject, "The Anthra, what is her name?"

"Oh," I see her wipe her eyes from the corner of mine, "I named her Athena, I met her when I was traveling with papa."

"You have known her for nearly all your life then I presume." It was not a question but I receive an answer anyways.

"Yeah, since I was three."

Guess you don't really know everything about anyone, even if you _did_ raise them. I pull my wand away from Athena and gently; against my better judgment, slide my hand beneath her head. All the while, Clarisa has yet to look away from me, I can sense her curious and awe-struck gaze burning a hole in the side of my head.

"Must you really continue to stare at me in such a way, you're making my skin crawl."

"Sorry."

I sigh, "She will heal fine, no permanent damage." I turn to face her after laying Athena's head gently down. "You are crazy to keep one of these in your company."

"I know," She is fidgeting with her robes and refusing to meet my gaze, "She saved my life though. Her pack had found me and she called them back when she saw it was me, I couldn't and can't believe she's still alive."

"From the myths, Anthra's can live hundreds of years if fed properly.

How I remembered such trivial information astounds me, and yet, I recite it as if it is history. I stand feeling worse for wear and stretch, the hairs on the back of neck stand on end. I look wildly around still noticing the increase in power, I place a hand on her shoulder and whisper.

"We are not alone."

Clarisa stands suddenly and her magic encircled both of us, she looks at me sideways.

"Dont do anything stupid."

"Says the one who tried to kill me." I chuckle and it brings the most gorgeous smile I have yet to see upon her face.

"Fare enough-"

Clarisa's sentence is cut short by none other than Alexander walking into the cabin, his hair a mess and robes torn. I can smell copper and a lot of it, his appearance unsettles me and I grab Clarisa and move her closer. Alexander stops just shy of the threshold and looks around until he spots me and then Clarisa, his face twisting into something akin to horrified rage. His power is lashing out, licking everything around him and disintegrating it. His eyes flash murder and I pull her behind me, this does not go unnoticed and he looks perplexed. I raise my wand, threatening him silently.

I should know better, I should trust the man that stands before me, but I do not. Yes I have known Alexander for a while, but after dealing with the scenes Albus had, I have learned to trust no one. I am foolish to think he is here on the mere whim to save me, there is something sinister, I can taste it within the air. I am quick when a spell bounds our way, aimed for Clarisa, I ricochet it toward the nearby wall. I stop her with my right arm and nearly scream in raging pain when I realise my mistake, my eyes narrow and a silent but very deadly accurate stunner hits Alexander, throwing him into the wall behind him. Clarisa escapes my grasp,

"Get out Severus, he is here for me not you." She walks toward him and my body is refusing to listen. "Hello, uncle."

Why must my body refuse me so many time in such little amount of time? Am I not a spy, an ex death eater, survivor of two wars and myself. Has twenty years gone to waste, has everything had no meaning? I'm giving myself a migraine as more questions arise while no answers are anywhere in sight, I am left to wonder what the point of running would be. No. This is not who I am.

"Alexander!" The man's attention snaps to me, "Friend or For?"

The scene dies into an awkward situation, I am still by the turned over table while Clarisa is pinned by Alexander and he is over her. His eyes convey morbid curiosity at my question, but recognition soon follows. I dare steps toward him with my wand pointed directly where his heart lies beneath flesh, muscle and bone. White hot anger licks my insides as everything he is doing right now enrages me, man-handling a woman is against the very core of my being. I realise I am growling and rather loud, but mine isn't the only one, Athena is beside me and seems to have recovered just in time to see Clarisa pinned to the floor.

"I will not ask again." My voice is filled with untamed hatred; a hatred born from abuse. "Friend or For?"

My left arm is stretched in front of Athena, my right is straight before me and my thought bore every inch of murderous rage pent up within me for decades. Alexander is seconds away from being reminded as to why I was and am the next to worse thing to be faced besides Voldemort, the side I am ashamed of is now coming unglued. Alexander is still staring at me peculiarly and Clarisa takes the break in concentration to vanish, reappearing next to my side. Alexander's eyes harden and he aims his alchemy at Athena,

"HOW DARE YOU!"

"STOP!" I hollar, ignoring Clarisa.

The room immediately fills with swirling blue energy, most of it is from Clarisa. Athena and I are thrown backwards from the force, I grab Athena and hold her to my chest as my back collides with the kitchen sink. The air is knocked from me as I slide down onto my bottom while still holding Athena, I feel a wet tongue giving my chin and jaw line a bath. I freeze and stare hard at Athena, she is going for my right arm. She nips it gently with the points of fangs, drawing blood, then proceeds to lick the wounds. A strange tingling sensation starts to spread through my arm and I start to feel dizzy, I try to push her away but as I am doing so, black dots form within my vision.

"Please don't..." I hear the desperate plea within my whispered voice.

Before I can think of anything else, an unbearable and unimaginable pain rips from my right arm, the same place where I had dislocated my shoulder. I can feel the scream that tears at my vocal cords, the blood that is rushing toward the open wounds, the deadening of nerves below my shoulder and the life force that flows through me, all of it leaving at once. I am more aware of everything yet I am not, I see Clarisa rage out in pure anger that sends Alexander nearly ten feet away from us. I see Athena's head by my shoulder; jaw locked and teeth completely buried in my flesh, her claws digging into my stomach. I manage a non-verbal spell to remove Athena from me but in the process, large gashs are left in wake of the teeth.

I don't bother trying to get up, my right arm completely useless and laying limp beside me, I don't even try to move. I don't want death to come seeing as I have Clarisa to live for, but nothing is stopping the thin line that is appearing in the way of sweet, blissful, eternal darkness.


	18. A different kind of mark

Chapter Eighteen: A different kind of mark

Whispered voices surround me as I sense familiarity and I don't like it, Alexander's is the first one I can figure out as I regain full consciousness. The tone of the conversation is sparing me from guessing what the topic of conversation is,

"What do you plan to do headmaster?"

"That lunatic girl nearly killed him."

I do not open my eyes as I feel the medi-witch's magic being cast over me, I hear a slightly pained sigh come from her.

"He was attacked by an Anthra, no one has ever lived from this type of attack. I fail to see how this is her fault."

"It was _her_ pet!" I can hear the disdain in Alexander's voice.

"I will only ask this once more," the danger that hides within Poppy's voice makes me want to smirk with pride. "What are you going to do?"

"I will do what I must and if that means that I must kill Clarisa, I will."

There is a gravity of deep loathing within Alexander's voice that I know longer care about pretending to be asleep, rage surges like bolts of electricity through my veins.

"No!" My throat is raw and that simple word, spoken with such ferocity, causes a sporadic and violent coughing spree.

"Here dear."

I look up to see Poppy holding a glass of water, I grabbed it with shaky fingers and downed the liquid in one swallow. I only wonder briefly how long I have been incapacitated for before I let anger take over, but it mellows as I realise that just being awake is exhausting.

"The Anthra," I am finding it difficult to speak. "Was my fault.I was protecting it-her-when Clarisa's power overloaded, she must have found an open wound I did not know about."

I subconsciously rub the spot where Athena sank her fangs into me, I flinch when the only pain I can feel is directly involved with the bite.

"You cannot be serious Severus." The disbelieving disdain has me looking up from my numb and useless right arm.

"I am." I narrow my eyes and look Alexander straight in the eyes, "The only thing Clarisa is guilty of is feeding me a potion-which I should have known being the potions master that I am-that nearly killed me and reopened a two decade old wound. Had she not added the powdered roots of Devils Snare, she would have succeeded."

Poppy is staring at me with wide eyes and a hand over her mouth while Alexander looks chastised, his mouth falling open and then closing, giving him the appearance of a gaping fish. I try and shift using my left arm but am stopped by Poppy, I glare expecting an answer from her.

"I do not think it wise for you to move around too much, as I said earlier, you are the first to have ever survived a full bite from an Anthra. I have no idea what medically or otherwise the recourse could be."

"I don't need your concern, either of yours, I've survived worse." I said as I pointed to the still vivid scars that maim the flesh of my neck.

I throw the covers off and move to the edge closest to Alexander, he shifts to stand in front of me and I hear Poppy stiffle what sounds like a chuckle.

"Out of my way _headmaster_ or you will regret it." I snap at him with venom.

"You will do no such thing, I am headmaster and therefore all staff and student body are my response-"

"Oh spare me the bullshit." I stand up and am nose to nose with Alexander, he backs up as I call my wand to me without saying a single word.

"Severus, please listen to us."

I ignore Poppy and start to unbotton the unearthly amount of buttons upon my frock coat, I shrug it off gently and use my left hand to get the thing off my right arm. I start on my shirt and at the same time, I am speaking to them.

"You want to know why I told you no on killing Clarisa, why I won't let you. It's because of these."

My shirt falls from my shoulders to show all of the scars my body carries, scars from my father, from Voldemort and Bellatrix, but the ones I want them to see are fresher than most. I intake a sharp breath as what I want them to see comes to life right before their eyes, a long nasty cursed mark begins to tear my flesh apart, blood immediately pools then flows down my left arm.

"See this," I point to the freshly bleeding mark, "this means Clarisa is in danger and has been injured."

"But what sort of dark magic can do this?"

I hear for the first time in a long time, fear within Poppy's voice. I summon bandages and a blood replenishing potion and set to wrapping my wound,

"Can't you just heal it?"

I throw Poppy a challenging look and pause, I hold my arm out to her. I feel the tingle of magic once again and look down at the wound, nothing has changed, once satisfied, I finish wrapping the wound and swallow the potion once the bleeding has stopped. It's Poppy's turn to look chastised and I slightly smirk ,

"Did you honestly think I have not tried that?" I flick my wrist and my shirt returns back upon my body, "To answer your question, it is not dark magic which does this to me, it is alchemy."

"Now," I pause to throw my frock coat back on with another lazy flick of my wrist, "if you two are done. I must find Clarisa if she is not already heading this way."

Poppy and Alexander exchange looks before cornering me against the bed, I knew Poppy had the upper hand immediately as she knew I would never harm her. I glared at her before crossing my arms over my chest,

"You are not leaving and that is final. I'll let you back to your room if that is what you wish, but please Severus, you look like you're a moment away from collapsing."

I don't want to relent, I don't want to show that Poppy is absolutely right, I do feel faint. I feel ten times worse than when awoke, dull aches and pain riddle my body as I start to sway. I sit upon the edge of the bed and close my eyes for a brief moment before sighing, I look up to see Poppy has one eyebrow raised in question.

"So be it..." I trail off as I decide to make myself comfortable by stripping my coat and shirt from myself with nothing but a thought.

"Just to be clear," I stop Poppy and Alexander on their way toward her office, after having set privacy wards for the area around me. "Should the tightening of my chest get worse, I will leave and neither of you will stop me."

I turn over and draw the curtains around me, the tightening had started just shortly after the cursed mark and it has me worried. It does not feel the same, does not have the same pull as if she were in mortal peril, it feels as if I'm doing something wrong. Like I have missed something important.

The vow.

As I close my eyes it becomes clear to me, what Larissa had meant by I would know when the time came. I dreamed telling Clarisa the truth behind her parents murders, the dream turning nightmare as the same power she had shown back in the cabin is directed at me. I feel myself toss and turn on a smaller bed than I'm use to and I end up startled awake by landing upon the floor, and in front of someone. I look up to see Alexander looking at me with a brow raised, I huff and stand, brushing off specks of dust to slyly avoid eye contact.

"I came to ask about the vow Larissa made you take."

"You're an alchemist, you should know." I retort coldly without sparing a glance at him.

"Yes, well. There are certain things that even I don't know, particularly since I have not practiced my alchemy in at least three decades, if not longer."

"What do you want to know?" I say begrudgingly as I sit on the bed.

"I know how it happened, but what does it consist of?"

I sigh and ward the area around us with my most powerful silencing spell I can manage at the moment.

"You know of the unbreakable vows we have right," he nods and I continue. "It is similar to that except that whenever Clarisa is in danger or is physically harmed, I get cursed marks that only alchemy can heal. And this particular vow will end my life should I not tell Clarisa the entire truth that was agreed upon by Larissa and myself, though I was not given much of a choice as you had seen."

"Why did she choose you, an outsider, to take Clarisa?"

"How should I know? I still don't even know how she knew my name when I never told her."

Silence engulfs as we stare at each other, I can sense that Alexander wants all of the truth from me and before he can ask, I stop him.

"If I were to tell you everything, that too would end my life as it breaks another promise I made to Larissa." I say with heavy conviction.

I sigh heavily and look away from Alexander, the sky is threatening with thick greying clouds. I can see that the storm brewing is a metaphor, but for who, I do not know. The silence is broken by Roysel; the other problem I seemed to have forgotten, who runs into the infirmary then stops dead. Her eyes are glued to me as I stand next to Alexander, she opens her mouth then closes it before doing it once more.

"Sev-Severus? I-I thought you were-" Roysel stutters.

"Well you thought wrong." I silence her with my deadpan tone.

"What is it miss Sterling?" Alexander cuts in sternly.

Poppy returns due to the commotion, Roysel looks like she had been slapped and I step back with a smirk upon my face. All this time I had failed to notice another cursed mark appearing near my right collar bone, the blood soaking my robes alerts me at once. I wince as I touch the spot and gain the attention of all three, that's when the worst happens. The next mark throws me to my knees as it carves the exact same spot as last time, only this time deeper. Something is wrong and it's not with Clarisa.

"What's wrong with him?" Roysel asks innocently.

I look up to see Alexander and Poppy giving her dirty looks.

"The marks-ahh." The breath is stolen from my lungs as another mark nearly severs the main artery in my right leg. "They are dif-frent. They burn, like...molten fire. Spreading..."

I'm cut off however as I sway, "Damn."

I get up, I look to see blood pooling beneath me. I limp over to the nearest bed, leaning against it with my hand, I point my wand at the gash in my leg and I set to scorching my skin. Poppy shrieks and Roysel faints, no one catching her as she hit the ground hard, Alexander hides a smirk.

"Dear Merlin Severus!" Poppy shrieks again as her hand goes to cover her nose from the smell of burning flesh.

I ignore both of them as I slowly run my wand across the wound across my collar bone, I try to contain the roar of pain but fail miserably as I reach the halfway point of the wound, right past the bone. I stagger for the briefest of moments then finish closing the wound, I breathe heavily, feeling sweat at the edge of my hair line as my left hand drops to my side.

"Would either of you close the one on my back?" I ask exhausted, wiping the sweat that has started to roll down the sides of my face.

Poppy steps forward after hesitating for a moment, I divest the top half of my clothing to expose a nasty bleeding wound to her. I place both hands upon the bed and lean forward, I clench my jaw and ball my hands in anticipation of the worse pain I'm going to feel yet. I feel her begin near my shoulderblade, she only makes it an inch or so before I lose my bearings and fall to my knees. A steam of obscenities flows just as the blood from my wound does, I stand back up and reassume the position I was just in.

"Are you absolutely sure?" Poppy asks professionally, causing me to snort.

"If you don't, I will bleed out."

"Right." Poppy says quietly and starts once more.

The smell is overwhelming and even I am having a problem trying not to vomit, halfway through this one Roysel wakes and chaos insues. Roysel screams and tries to stop Poppy causing her to scorch away from the wound, I finally lose the battle with my stomach and vomit to the left of myself.

"Stop it! You're hurting him!"

"Shut up you insolent woman!" I snap at Roysel as I wipe my mouth clean with my thumb.

I turn my head toward Poppy and nod, at the same time Alexander puts Roysel in a full body bind. I can't help but notice the satisfying smirk that crosses his lips momentarily and if it were not for the pain, I would have questioned him about his behavior toward her. The same man who had told me to lighten up where it concerned Roysel, is now having no problems throwing the same attitude. I close my eyes tightly and bite my tongue as Poppy draws near my spine, a most sensitive spot from years prior is in the path of the scorching. When she hits it, I cannot control the feral growl that escapes my barely parted lips as I throw my head back. Not only is it particularly sensitive spot in pleasure but it is sensitive in pain, being where Bellatrix tormented me ruthlessly knowing that was the spot that could bring me to my knees. Poppy's hand clasps my right shoulder to hold me still; she being the only one allowed to do so without facing my wrath, as she seals the last of the wound. I straighten in time to see her walking to her office looking sick, I turn to see Alexander also looking a bit green in the face.

I move my right hand relishing in the ability of having it back, can't say I know when exactly I started feel it again, but I am glad as I pull my white dress shirt back on and start to do the buttons up. I snort as a thought strikes me, I've never dressed and undressed this many times in one place and in so little time. Poppy is holding vials in her hands that I recognise as blood replenshers, she hands one to me uncorked.

"I imagen four may not be enough, but then again, you know better than I at this moment."

As I say this, all eyes are drawn to the puddle of drying blood still on the floor. It's a small puddle due to my clothing soaking most that came out, I sniffed and retched, the odor of blood gagging me.

"Might I suggest a change of clothing and meet us back here?" Alexander qips almost cheerfully, in an Albus sort of way.

"I think headmaster, that you've been in that office too long, but alas, you are correct. I shall return."


	19. The Final Showdown

**A/N: To my readers, I am sorry for The delay in posting. I am working on a story I am currently writing in a book (haven't decided if I want to post it yet). Here's the chapter that took incredible long to write. WARNING: explicit content is contained within the chapter. Sexual content and language.**

 **We are nearing completion with this story, but thanks to my plot bunnies, I foresee a sequel for those interested. Please enjoy and review, as they are always welcome.**

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Chapter Nineteen: The final showdown

"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" I nearly scream in the silent hospital wing, all eyes focus on me. "Dont tell me that _she_ did this."

"She did." Poppy replies in a whisper.

The carnage the daft woman has left behind would have given Voldemort a run for his money, several beds are turned over or up on their sides with blasted holes shredding the insides. Medical supplies, potions and the works are littered all over the wing. Spots of tiny droplets of crimson are barely noticeable but there are enough of them as I step over several displaced objects, Poppy is standing by Alexander, who is sitting on one of the few beds still intact, supporting several nasty cuts and a rather gruesome looking burn to the side of his neck. As I approach, Alexander speaks softly.

"Would never have guessed she was so full of dark magic, never came off that way when she started here." He says sadly.

"Headmaster, if I may." I kneel beside him and remove his hand from the burn. "Fiendfrye did this. Do you know what color the flame was?"

Alexander and Poppy both look at me with curiosity,

"It was a reddish orange."

I say nothing as I take my wand and ever so gently touch the charred skin with the tip,

"Vicissim ardeat." I chant repeatedly as I touch different spots of burnt flesh.

"Thank you Severus."

"Dont thank me yet. When I get my hands on her, then you can thank me for what I'll be doing to her."

"You know Severus," I look to Poppy, "you are down right frightening when you look like that."

A wicked smirk turns the edges of my lips, if only she knew. I stand up and nearly double over, grabbing my midsection as I straighten back up.

"Clarisa is here and I will bet she will not want to see you Alexander, not after what happened." I turn to Poppy before walking to the doors, "keep him hidden. Trust me, should she find him before me, you'll need every medical supply you have and then some."

Poppy nods and that's my que, I leave the wing and am nearly knocked over by passing students. I growl but it does not deter them, something down stairs is causing the chaotic swarm of students. I immediately brake into a run down three flights of stairs, students spread and clear a path after having knocked over a few first. I reach the entrance way and part one of the doors, there only ten feet from me is Clarisa, surrounded in a vortex of swirling alchemy energy.

"STOP!"

The silence that follows my words could have frozen the world in place, the vortex dissipates as Clarissa lays her eyes upon me. Suddenly she bolts for me and I am caught off guard when her body collides with mine, knocking me to the ground. Her face is buried in my neck while her arms are wrapped around my neck, clinging to me. I can feel the tickle of her hot breath upon me as she murmurs, I stroke her hair and am thankful that she has said nothing about Alexander, yet.

"I was so worried," Clarisa sits up on my lap. "I thought he was going to take you from me."

"I am right here," I whisper as I place our foreheads to each other as I gently grab the back of her head. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Good." She says as she presses her lips to mine and I freeze, my ears going red. "Now where's the bastard hiding?"

My entire body stiffens beneath her as what I feared came to light, I encircle my arms around her and press her as close as I can to me, not caring that nearly the entire school is watching. I feel her trying to struggle from my grip but I am unrelenting as I keep my hold,

"Let me go Severus."

But she doesn't fight to much as I shake my head, I whisper my sentiments to her before she stiffens and I bury my face in her neck,

"Promise to listen to me first. Promise."

"I-I can't and you know that."

I sigh, still refusing to let my grip go, I lift my head and look deep into her crimson eyes. Her beauty strikingly more prominent than before, the way her hair feels as I comb my fingers through it, her skin soft beneath my touch. I open my mouth but find I'm at a loss of words so I close it and release her, she does not move. Instead she places both hands upon the sides of my face,

"You feel it don't you, my magic is calling to you." My mouth dries. "Tell me."

"Not here." Is all I can manage to say.

I stand up and know instantly that my body is betraying me, having Clarissa on me has done nothing but make my body desire her. I quickly close my robes around me and follow her toward the dungeons and my person rooms, I wonder how she can be thinking of that at such a time but then again, the severity of the situation is minimal on her end, suddenly I feel foolish. Clarisa is waiting for me in my living room and what she's wearing-or there lack of-stops me dead in my tracks, she beckons me with a single finger to the bedroom.

I step through the threshold and a swirl of magic strips all the clothing from myself, I look back up to see Clarisa smirking and laying on the bed tauntingly.

"You little witch." I say with a feral growl as I walk over to the bed in a few strides.

"Correction, _your_ little witch."

"Touche."

I climb on top of her and settle my hips against hers and savor every inch of her flawless body.

 _'As long as I keep her distracted-who am I kidding, screw distraction, Alexander can wait.'_

Inner monologue be damned. I set to work pleasing her in as many ways as I can, my body responding to the delicious sounds that I elicit from her. Twice I send her over her edge before I stop to tell her that we need protection, to which she silences by her lips crashing over mine making me swallow any retort. Her hand ventures down and I grind my hips as she grabs me, our lips never breaking contact as she proceeds to make my body quiver to her antics. Clarisa grabs my shoulders, breaks the kiss and pushes me beneath her.

"I've waited too long to actually have you as mine Severus Snape."

Her tone sends shivers down my spine and it doesn't help when I feel her hot breath and tongue on my cock, it pulses in tandem with her strokes. As her mouth devours my entire length I grab her hair and buck my hips, the minx is trying very hard to get me to release but I refuse. Her hand snakes beneath my back and before I can stop her she hits the spot on my spine, a delicious and very erotic wave courses through me and I can't hold back when she does it once more. I grip her hair harder as I cum hard inside her mouth, breathing deeply, I place her beneath me and despite having reached my edge, I thrust into her still painfully hard. I watch the look on her face as I mercilessly take her; no potion, no effects, just my full and unbridaled desire for her. Our moans mingle as she reaches her peak once again, another feral growl comes out as she hits the spot again, whether by accident or not, I do not care. The strong waves of euphoria are swirling within me, lust and desire dance to a wicked beat as I continue to claim her as mine.

"Beautiful." I say breathlessly.

I slow my rythym so that I can enjoy the way I feel inside her even though she is gripping my legs making creasent shape marks with her nails. Clarisa is urging me to return to the rythym I had by grinding her hips into my thrusts, I finally relent. I grab her hips and thrust as hard as I can into her, straightening my back and throwing my head back, I moan loudly as I bottom out in her. The tremor that runs through me makes my insides tighten, I'm drawing near as she climaxes again, breathlessly saying my name. She reaches for my back once more but pauses,

"Do it." I pant while still thrusting.

The sheer force makes the room spin as I thrust through my own climax, Clarisa's fingers remain over the spot on my back as I fall forward and on top of her, exhausted. Our sweat covered bodies ignore the cold that now clinges to our skin, seeking solace in the warmth we are producing. Our chests rising and falling in tandem with each other, her fingers run gently through my hair. I bury my face once more into her neck while trying to catch my breath, her voice vibrating in her throat and against my cheek.

"We must part, I have things I must tend to." Clarisa says seriously and I look up.

"Not until I have said what needs to be spoken."

"Fine." Clarisa's tone is uninviting.

I prop myself up on elbows and look her directly in the eyes, I intake a deep breath before speaking.

"I need to tell you the truth behind why your parents were targeted."

Clarisa opens her mouth but I place a finger on her soft lips, she raises a brow.

"What you know is a lie." I crawl off of her and sit on the edge of the bed with my back facing her. "Your parents were targeted because Voldemort feared them having a child that would thwart his plans, their assisnations were my initiation into the brethren of Death Eaters, their murders sealed this into my arm."

I showed her the accursed Dark Mark that still is present on my forearm.

"There is not a day that I don't regret what I did, to them and to you."

I hang my head and place my face within my hands, years of shutting myself up begins to surface in the form of tears. I blink them away and feel Clarisa's hand upon my shoulder,

"I have already forgiven you. Now, it is your turn to forgive yourself."'

"Clarisa..."

Her name becomes choked within my throat as the dam bursts, tears roll down as my face heats up with embarrassment. Clarisa pulls me to her and circles her arms around me as I cry, I cry for her loss, the truth I've had to keep but it is not over, not yet. I open my mouth but she stops me,

"We will finish this later, right now, I must find Alexander."

"Don't. Just stay with me." I beg pathetically needing her comfort right now.

"You must know, it's not just the fact that he took you from me right? No, this goes far back, back to the point where he abandoned the family. Abandoned me, my mother and even his own twin brother."

Everything suddenly made sense as her words sink in and effectively shut the dam that had burst, it explained why Larissa had chosen me instead of family. At first, I had thought it convenience but now, I know better, it is because Clarisa literally had no family.

"Do what you must, I will be waiting."

"I know you will, that's why I can face this now."

I grab Clarisa and passionately kiss her before letting go and begin redressing, she does the same as I straighten my cloak.I grab her arm before we leave my rooms,

"I must warn you that there is a woman running around here who escaped our custody, be careful, she knows dark magic on a scale I don't even think Voldemort reached."

Clarisa places her hand on my cheek, "That is why I have you."

The hallways are deserted as we head for the front doors, sounds coming from the Great hall tells me that dinner has started.

Outside, the sky is turning a rainbow assortment of autumn colors as the sun begins to set behind the mountains. I cast my patronus and call for Alexander, the time has come for retribution. I back away and leave Clarisa closest to the doors as they swing open, the look on Alexander's face tells more than even he probably knew.

"What is the meaning of this Severus?"

I shake my head and slyly point to Clarisa,

"I am merely the messenger and she wishes to speak with you."

Alexander looks at Clarisa and all seems fine for the barest of moments until she comes unhinged,

"HOW DARE YOU!" Clarisa yells, "How dare you abandon us, all of us! Tell me _uncle_ was it worth it?"

Alexander looks from her to me, which in turn surprises me. He rounds on me suddenly,

"What did you tell her? What did you do?!" Alexander furiously spats.

"Nothing but the truth. This hatred," I point once again to Clarisa, "is from what you did, not me."

Alexander points his wand at me but I'm quicker, I cast my shield charm and his stunner is casted in a different direction. I send a stunner back at him but he easily deflects it. The next spell is aimed for my chest but it does not connect and not by my own shield but by Clarisa's, she casts it off and steps toward Alexander.

"Next spell you aim at him will be your last."

"You pick him over family." Alexander spits venomously as another well aimed curse finds its mark, I had been distracted by a movement behind the side of the castle. The front of my robes are singed as I am knocked several feet back and onto my back, the landing knocking the air from my lungs. The sky spins for a moment and I try to clear my head from the dizziness, all the while, Clarisa is yelling.

"Yes! I pick him over you. He didn't abandon me!"

Curses start to fly back and forth between the two and I know that she is not using her alchemy, Clarisa could have already ended the fight. I pick myself up in time to see Roysel rushing toward Clarisa, I ignore the shortness of breath and run forward to intercept Roysel. It's like everyone had forgotten they were wizards, I collide full bodied into Roysel just inches from Clarisa while Clarisa and Alexander duel with alchemy now, Alexander's fairly weak compared to hers.

"Just take care of him, I have her!" I yell over my shoulder as Roysel and I go crashing to the ground.

I hit Roysel in the jaw to give time to get up off of her, I pocket my wand in my sleeve and call forth the same fiendfyre I had used on Clarisa. She jumps out of the way supporting a swollen lip before she casts a curse even I don't know. A black sphere appears above the fires and begins to absorb them, another curse hits me in the chest and I scream in agony. I can feel my skin set fire from inside out but I ignore it as I aim a sectemsempra at Roysel, she barely misses it and I grab for my chest while gritting my teeth. Whoever this woman is, she knows of curses outside of the realm of dark magic.

"Severus!"

"NO! Don't, I've got it." I scream back at Clarisa all while keeping my eyes on Roysel .

A malicious laughter silences the battlefield, Alexander, Clarisa and myself look on in disbelief as Roysel doubles over laughing sinisterly.

"Oh this is precious," she says between breaths then straightened herself. "No matter. I will have what belongs to me."

"What in Merlin's name are you rambling about?" I ask stupidly.

"You."

"WHAT!"

The chorus is deafening. Roysel sighs and shifts her weight, I take the chance and silently cast sectemsempra once more. The spell only hits her hand as I am still slightly unskilled doing the spell with no wand, she growls and curses before waving her bloodied hand, chanting the counter curse, which floors and angers me.

"How the hell do you know the counter curse to one of my spells you vile woman." The question is rhetorical as I aim another sectemsempra.

Roysel sidesteps it and laughs,

"I know _everything_ about you Severus Tobias Snape, born January ninth, ninteen-sixty. Master of Potions, youngest employee of Hogwarts ever, you started working here at the mere age of twenty. Half-blooded wizard, born to Eileen Prince and muggle Tobias Snape." Roysel pauses and I see Clarisa staring murderously at her. "Master of wandless and non-verbal magic, also the only one now who can do unsupported flight. Should I continue?"

"That's enough! Just because you know a lot about me does not mean you know everything." I say calmly as I wave my hand over my still burning chest, easing the pain.

"Prove me wrong then or...are...you...a...coward." Roysel says deliberately.

Had I thought the word no longer enraged me, I am completely wrong as my wand appears and I throw five curses consecutively. Three of five hit, one fully binds her, another makes her wand soar out of sight and the third silences her. I walk over to where she lays and stand over her, only her eyes move to look at me with complete and utter madness.

"Don't ever call me a coward again. Next time you research someone, before trying to poke at a weakness, you should read what the consequences are."

For good measure, I hit Roysel with another curse of my own invention. The curse itself doubles the duration of any and all spells and curses that have been cast upon the target, in laments terms, it doubles the power and length. I slip wand back into my sleeve and once again become a sideliner to the original duel. I pause and look back at Roysel, I flick my wrist and thick ropes bind her from the neck down to her feet.

"I hope you're nearly finished Clarisa." I say while crossing my arms over my chest.

"He is a bit more stubborn than you are, you know that." Clarisa says as she fiends off another wave of raw magic. "Give me a moment."

"A moment, I'm already done with-wait where the hell did she go, damnit."

I run away from the fight only to be blasted off of my feet, my side hits a tree I must have been by and I can feel my ribs splinter beneath the impact. I turn my head to see Roysel wickedly smiling and walking toward me.

"Thought you had me didn't you. Alexander nor you were the enemies of Clarisa, I needed all three of you in one place. However, there is one more that we are waiting for, I wonder what I have to do to you to get her here."

I hear nothing more as my blood runs cold, there is no way she can know about Larissa. I am frozen with fear as I watch the scene unfold before I eyes, Roysel throws a useless shield between Alexander and Clarisa, drawing their attention.

"Clarisa, there is something your dear dark sully professor did not tell you. Do you want to know?" Roysel asks in a sickly sweet tone.

"What could you possibly tell me." Clarisa reflects a spell as she turns to Roysel.

"Oh something that would change your entire world." Roysel turns back to me, "but first, I must bring her here."

I have no time to think or breathe before I am hit with an extremely powerful cruciatus curse, ten times stronger than Voldemort's ever was, and it drops me to the ground. Every muscle is on fire, my nerves even after so long seem to remember the exact feel. The pain finally gets to me as I wither on the ground, a scream is torn from my throat as the strength of the curse increases. I am ashamed as I lose the contents of my stomach and piss myself, the tears that form are from pain and begin to blind me. Time warps as my senses shut down, I know I am nearing unconsciousness but then it all stops. I come around to hear Clarisa and Roysel,

"It doesn't matter you little bitch, he will die before today is done. And there is nothing you can do to stop it."

"Keep your filthy hands off of him-"

"Are you daft!'

I look up to see Alexander throw Clarisa clear across the lawn, dread fills me as Roysel points her want back at me.

"Avada Kedavra." She whispers as I close my eyes.

The curse never reaches me, I open my eyes to see it bounce off a blinding white shield. I look around to see who conjured it but everyone else is looking as confused as I feel, I manage to sit up my wand falling back into my hand.

"Bombarda!"

My spell connects with the ground right at Roysel's feet, sending her flying off of the ground at least a yard away from me. I stagger to my feet while holding my side, my wand pointing at Roysel.

"I've had enough of your games, I will silence you for good." I stagger a few feet though my aim never leaves her. "Avada Kedavra!"

Before my curse can reach its target, Roysel vanishes. I sigh heavily and drop to my knees, the stitch in my side is making it difficult to breathe as I point my wand at myself. I start to chant a healing spell I learned while studying for my potions mastery, I breathe in deeply as a loud-to me-pop sounds.

I stand and at the same time, both Clarisa and myself approach Alexander.

"I have had it with this farce!"

Both of us are knocked backwards as Alexander's true power comes to light, I stand quickly and see that Clarisa has done the same. We watch as Alexander turns his back and walks back to the castle and disappears behind the doors, no doubt to scatter the students who have been watching the entire scene. I stand for a moment just staring at where he just stood before I'm rudely pulled out of my thoughts, Clarisa's hand makes contact with my face. Her face is red with fury as I look back at her narrowing my eyes in the process, I catch her hand when she tries again.

"What was that woman talking about?!" Clarisa yells in my face.

"Foolish girl," I spit in anger. "Keep your hands to yourself."

"I'm foolish now, am I!"

I shut her up by embracing her as the anger within me dies, nothing left but love and understanding. The vow had saved my life, her mother had saved me, the very magic that runs through Clarisa. I start to tremble as I tighten my grip, never wanting to let go.

"Wha-what's wrong Severus?"

"What Roysel wanted to tell you would have killed me, had she known that, the killing curse would have been rendered useless."

I straighten and look Clarisa in the eyes, the vow nudging me from deep within. I press a kiss to her forehead before I prepare myself for the worse-or better-as I am unsure which I will receive from her.

"What is it Severus?" Clarisa asks impatiently and I can't help but chuckle slightly before that dies within my throat.

"Lets start from where we left off." I sit Clarisa down beside me, the night air cooling off as the moon rises higher into the sky. "I killed your father in cold blood, only excuse I have is I was only nineteen at the time and very stupid to put it mildly. I then tried to kill your mother, I really did because...well you remember that wound in my stomach that you could only heal with magic...that wound was given to me by your mother.

"She then saved my life, not once but twice. I had promised myself after that day, I would never harm another woman. She made me swear on an alchemy bond that I would care for you, make sure nothing happened to you. I agreed because Voldemort had no idea that Larissa had already had a child, I refused to leave you alone in this world. Yes I snubbed the responsibility in the beginning, I was young. Your mother made me swear another oath, one that will or would have killed me should anyone besides myself tell you the truth."

I pause and pince the bridge of my nose, taking a deep breath I start again.

"I refused to kill your mother afterwards but she insisted, and so I stabbed myself in the same spot made by her, to show her I was serious. I got the scolding if a lifetime when I came to, but your mother had made sure I had healed and that my fever had disappeared. During that time, we talked and came to an agreement..."

The vow flares up and I can feel my skin growing warm, Clarisa is staring at me with an open mouth.

"You're _glowing,_ you know that."

"Back to my point," I feel the warmth fill my stomach and settle there. "Clarisa." She looks into my eyes.

"Your mother is still alive."


	20. Her Apperance

Chapter Twenty:

The silence is terrifying, the emotions I had hid so well for decades is being pulled from me with every breath she takes. Her head is down and I can not for the first time in my life tell what she is thinking by just body language, her mind impenetrable as always. What I fear the most is the unusual and almost sickening silence that even the unique creatures all around refuse to break, she is not crying, not even trying to slap me, she's just still, breathing in and out. We still sit out in front of the school, the lights from within coming to life in orangish glows across the darkened grass as night truely claims the last of the day. My body is still in the after effects of the curcio that had been used against me, the twitching and tremors evident whenever I try to draw a steady breath or exhale.

The first move is made as the creasent moon lights a soft path across us, Clarisa's now apparent tears sparkling like diamonds within the light. Her sudden movement has my body flinching as she encircles her arms around my shoulders, intertwining her fingers around the base of my neck while burying her face within the crook of my neck. I react instinctively and wrap my arms around her, all the fear of still losing her weighing overhead. I want nothing more than for this to all be over, for her suffering to stop, to give her the peace she so rightfully deserves. But I know this is far from over, Roysel is still a major threat and with the deranged woman now completely unhinged and on the loose, it will be only a matter of time before she reeks havoc.

I continue to hold Clarisa as her tears saturate my neck line and skin, but I do not care, revealing the secret that had continued to threaten my life felt like opening my eyes to a new world. One not marred with remnants of a psychopaths ideals or destruction, a world where I would not be targeted for some form of reason or another. But alas as always, reality will slap me time and time again so long as I wear the Dark Mark upon my forearm. I will always be a target, I will always and forever remain an outcast, a death eater, a murderer and to Clarisa, her tormentor and savior.

I look down as Clarisa looks up, her crimson eyes reflecting the moon and shimmering within the light, eyes full of pain, regret, and sorrow.

"Severus."

My name is spoken in a whisper from her, soft and caring. I told to her tighter, afraid that this moment will slip and she will disappear like everything else.

"You had to suffer so much..."

Clarisa's lips meet mine and I immediately give in, allowing for her to convey her sorrow for my suffering.

"Not as much as you, I assure." I whisper back once our lips part. "The pain I put you through I wish I could take back. I wish I could take it all back."

"Oh Severus, you, you can not possibly believe that all of this was your fault. That's too much guilt for one man to carry."

"And so you finally know who I am then." I say shortly.

That statement carries more weight then even Clarisa can fathom, the mask had broken a while back but some of it had still stayed. The lies, the deceit, the darker side of me still remained. I know I can never truely rid myself of the facade, but the look in Clarisa's eyes has me hoping that someday I'll be able to stop looking over my shoulder, to stop thinking who is aiming for my life next and who will I have to kill in order to preserve my own. Her eyes are full of complete understanding, of complete exceptance and love. Something I never believed I deserved, the rotten soul that dwells on the brink of madness, made up of the blood of others, sustained by the darkness within. I never thought such a beautiful and pure soul would be in my arms, despite the animosity that brought her back to me. I know she can feel the tremors, can feel the twitches I'm trying not to let out. My body aches but having her in my arms, I would take this same fate over and over again.

The night begins to come alive as all the assortment of life living around us ward off the tensed atmosphere from earlier, even the lake begins to ripple in the gentle breeze that picks up. I don't want to think about ; this moment, but I know it has to end by either our doing or some external force. I slip my fingers beneath her chin and bring her gaze to mine, pressing a soft chaste kiss to her lips I murmur.

"It's not over."

Clarisa shakes her head requesting there be no more for the night, that all she wants now is sleep, all else can wait. A deep sickening sinking feeling sets in but I'm sure it's just the restless night around us, I stand and offer my hand, waiting for Clarisa to take it.

The corridors are silent with no one occupying them save Peeves; the painful reminder that there is no way to rid the castle of his presence, who is floating upside down off of the entrance into the Great hall. I shoot the ghost a nasty look while leading Clarisa away from whatever traps the terror might have in store for unsuspecting victims.

I realise soon enough that curfew has yet to be broken as I break two students apart from inappropriate activities with a simple and yet languid motion of my hand, I say nothing as I receive glares from the pair, all the while Clarisa is trying to detour me from such things. I turn my head slightly to give her a short non-threatening glare in which she just smirks wearily. I pause for the briefest of moments when I spot Alexander before she does, I growl as I expect the worst.

"Severus, Clarisa." Clarisa tenses beneath my arm and begins to increase her grip. "Can you both please come with me, now."

I open my mouth to respond but Clarisa is quicker than I am.

"I'm not in the mood for your games, not anymore. So no, I'm going to have a nice bath then sleep off all the shit you put me through."

I look between the two and unfortunately I can feel the anger beginning to swirl around us, Clarisa has her wand drawn; had drawn it before either of us had noticed, and pointing it directly at Alexander. A look of great determination planting firmly upon her face, I now know how much she is willing to fight for what she wants, cemented now within my mind. I subtly step between them but what happens next goes in a flash of rushing movement. Clarisa had struck with lightning speed just miliseconds after Alexander had placed his hand upon my shoulder, now he is frozen against the wall while her magic encircles her and myself, fire blazing within her eyes.

"To sway my daughter is a big mistake brother."

The world freezes and it seems that I am not the only one this particular phenomenon is happening to, I can hear my pulse quickening and feel the blood rushing through my veins as it takea forever for me to turn my head and body. The old wound in my stomach starts to pulse, I can feel a different magic calling to me, one I had not tasted in a long time. Time snaps suddenly and while Alexander is freed from the wall, he still can not move. My eyes meet crimson ones alight with such fire that I shiver ever so slightly, crimson hair moves eloquently like firery wips ready to strike. Larissa stands at the entrance to the Great hall, unaffected by time, by years. For every bit of beauty there is an air of fear inducing power that surrounds her, breath-taking amounts that make even the strongest of wizards bend to her will.

"Larissa."

Her name slips from my lips in a haunting whisper but it's enough to make Clarisa look at me then at Larissa, her eyes going wide.

"I see I am not forgotten." Larissa speaks softly while looking at me.

Alexander breaks free of Clarisa's spell and steps forward, his eyes going wide also. It is silent in the halls around us and if any students are out, they are keeping quiet. For several long moments the silence is deafening yet I can hear every thought in Clarisa's mind, she is not guarding at all as she stares at an older version of herself. I do not feel sorrow or remorse as her thoughts are in complete diarray and as my mind is completely void, I'm numb in a sense. Alexander makes the first move, he walks over to Larissa who is still silhouetted by the moon's ligh in the doorway and embraces her without another word. Larissa embraces him back but her eyes never leave me or Clarisa, I look away only to look at Clarisa and as I do so I move closer to her and allow for her to rest back against me. Larissa raises a brow and lets Alexander go before moving swiftly over toward us, I know the look, the look of a protective mother. Larissa stops a few steps in front of me and looks up and down before looking at Clarissa,

"I see you have cared for my daughter as you promised and did not reveal my existence before the time was right." Larissa looks back at me, "For that, I thank you Severus."

I am unable to respond as I stare at Larissa, I had truely thought that I would never see her again, that the vow would die with me. Yet here she is standing, in flesh and blood and alive. My mind is trying to revert back to when I was twenty, old feelings I thought had died are surfacing, but they are not strong enough to sway my love for Clarissa. I bring Clarissa to me even closer and push my nose into her hair, smelling and feeling her soft strands as my eyes never leave Larissa. Her eyes flash with something akin to anger but soon soften as Clarisa leans back into me, she smiles softly.

"I don't think I could have picked a better man for you my daughter," Larissa places her hand on Clarisa's cheek, "I know he will take care you, just as he has done all this time."

* * *

 **To be continued...**

 **Sneek peek into the sequel-**

"Severus, you can't be seriously thinking about leaving, not after so long, not for me."

I nod my head, I had spent too many years as a Hogwarts teacher, now, it is time to teach my child. Clarissa looks at me dumbfounded, then shakes her head.

"She will need you to protect her, please, just stay a little while longer."

I can't say no as Clarissa puts on the exact facial expression she use to don when she was younger, I sigh and concede, but only for her. She nearly topples me over the kitchen chair in our joint chambers; set by Minerva thankfully, and plants a rather passionate kiss upon my lips.

...


End file.
